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BM sends gifts to BC at Xmas and birthdays- FAKE

stepmotherwhy's picture

BM sends stupid ridiculous gifts to my children at birthdays, Xmas and Easter from 'SS'. I hate it and want it to stop because it's fake. DH and I do not in any way shape or form communicate with her- it's all done through SS and occasionally a SMS. I do not want my children having anything to do with her let alone receive stupid gifts to try snd make herself look good in front of my in laws so that when my children open the gifts at Xmas etc in front of in laws they think 'oh perfect ex daughter in law'
Help- how can I tackle this????

stepmotherwhy's picture

Step aside- she sends them with SS to give to our bio kids. She doesn't talk to my in laws anymore, DH told in laws to stop communicating with her

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Why do you feel the need to fight this battle? So what if it's fake? It is good for your SS to practice gift-giving and get used to the idea of doing something nice for his step-siblings. Accept the gifts graciously, reciprocate on your kids' behalf, or have them give your SS gifts and put his away after a while if they bother you. She is doing something friendly. Why respond with hostility?

My kids' SM brings me gifts from trips they go on.
I had my son bring her and her family gifts when he went abroad.
My skids bring gifts for my kids - does the BM buy them? I do not know, two of the skids are adults. But it would not bother me if she did. I am free to "lose" them if i wanted to.

However, a little good will never hurt anyone.

Orange County Ca's picture

I agree. Have your children thank your SS and make sure they're giving some more or less equal gift in return. Come on the world is full of liers. "Gee you look great today". YOU can hate her existence as much as you want but don't get children in the fire zone.

She's teaching her son to be gracious let it alone and try to teach your children to do the same.

Don't let others here encourge you to start WWIII over something so silly and getting gifts.

herewegoagain's picture

"you are MERELY the new wife"? NO, she is THE WIFE, note the NEW WIFE, not MERELY...the other one, she is MERELY someone he slept with...sorry, but that is ridiculous to say such a thing in this forum...

Orange County Ca's picture

It may have been worded poorly but step-parents are powerless without backing from bio-parents and its always best they not interact with bio's unless its clearly welcomed.

Orange County Ca's picture

It just sunk in about the communications via the boy. This should stop. Advise your husband that its a very poor idea for the boy to be put in the middle of messaging. He will feel guilty when a negative message is carried and no way will some pieces of good news over the course of time make up for it.

Communication between adults is adult business and kids should never be made the bearer. Email and text are available if they don't want to talk. Hell if stuff has to be sent use the U.S. mail. At the very most I allowed my boy to bring a sealed envelope which I didn't open in his presence. (Pre email days).

Once my wife sent a verbal message and my boy started to deliver it and I stopped him. He said "its good news you'll want to know" and I still refused. I had to stop my ex and as I expected the word got back that I had not gotten the message and she called.

Do not allow kids into adult business especially between two estranged parents. Bad bad bad is all that can come from it.

stepmotherwhy's picture

The cards are always from 'SS' never her. I appreciate your comments and advice but BM is the type of person who lives by 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer' so I'm sorry to say that it is not genuine. I don't want my children having anything to do with her- see her, talk to her or receive gifts from her

stepmotherwhy's picture

KTQ- I don't understand your meaning here. You gave gifts to your ex's kids? Please explain, I'm not entirely sure what you mean Smile

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Ouch! What an idiot that woman is! I am sorry you had you have your gifts thrown back at you.
That would have upset me no end. How can anyone take the joy the kids would have experienced at giving those gifts away from them? Vicious and vile!

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

I am victim of this too. My DD father had a baby in 2011 and I send christmas gifts over, for my daughters sister, from my daughter. I think its the right thing to do.
Me and my DD father do not get a long at all. He has never once thanked me,neither has his GF. I will continue doing this, as it shows class and character on my daughters behalf. It is her sister at the end of the day.
There is nothing wrong with her doing this, unless she is trying to contact your husband as well.
I even buy gifts for BM from the skids(on Mothers day, christmas etc), even though she's well something else. Again, its the right thing to do.