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Ever wonder what it would be like.....

readingandlearning's picture

Submitted by readingandlearning on Sun, 04/05/2020 - 5:28pm

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Ever wonder what it would be like to be loved for yourself and not for what you can do for him/her and his/her kids? Some of us still dream about it......

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Sun, 04/05/2020 - 5:47pm

I used to, but left my abusive relationship. Sadly, I got roped into another similar one. I left that one also.

Now I am single, happy and plan to stay this way. 

Don't stay in a bad relationship just so you are not single. There is nothing wrong with being single. It is far superior than being in a relationship and unhappy, used and abused. 

Robyn-H's picture

Submitted by Robyn-H on Mon, 04/20/2020 - 11:53am

I'm at the very start of a divorce journey, but I have never felt so lonely as I have being a step-mom and cannot wait to be single again and have freedom and control over my own money and life. I'm sick of being an unpaid nanny/servant. I'm even half considering getting a job as a paid nanny, as I've had enough experience and the salary is very good. It'd be nice to get rewarded for doing what I've been doing for the last 20 years!

You don't have to live alone. I am planning to rent a house somewhere nice with other people (and no kids!) and get a dog. There's also a very lively social scene where I am planning to move, so I know I will be surrounded by people on a daily basis if I want (although I'm not sure if I won't prefer the peace and quiet of solitude after what I've been through).

I'm happy for the minority of people in happy, healthy marriages. Unfortunately, mine was not one of them and I can't wait to escape. Being single used to scare me, but these days I'm less niave and know firsthand that marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be.

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Mon, 04/06/2020 - 3:11pm

DH loves me for myself...he still has a tendency to expect me to do things for his kids that are not his responsiblity, but he's getting better about that. 

My bigger challenge is DH's family. They only see me as someone who can either a) provide extra money, support, resources for SSs; or b) is trying to take DH away from SSs. It's really annoying and my biggest challenge is that DH never calls them on that. How I feel about DH's family...and how Dh's family treats me, is a bigger issue that what DH expects me to do for his kids. 

ldvilen's picture

Submitted by ldvilen on Mon, 04/20/2020 - 6:45pm

Yep, every SM's story is the same yet different.  This is why you pretty much have to be a SM to get it.  The only common denominator I've come to see, is that manipulative, controlling BM and weaker, enabling DH = step hell.  Thus, to even begin to make it work, you need a "supportive" BM, and by supportive I mean one that doesn't PAS their kids against their father nor SM, a BM that is capable of or has moved on, and one that gives ever yone of the children "permission" to have a relationship with SM.  DH, on the other hand, needs to be able to parent (or co-parent with BM) his own children, make sure the kids know that he and his wife (or SO) are partners and will run the household as such, and be able to put his foot down not only with his own kids but BM as well AND not feel guilty for it.

Now, given that all of that has to happen, what are the odds?  I'll leave that up to the experts, and that is just how to make it work for DH and SM, man and wife.  On top of that, you have all of the nuances of each and every child that comes into play.  So, even with BM, DH and SM being huggy, kissy, touchy, feely, all the children will ever contribute to the good, the bad, and/ or the ugly.  So, even though I know there are some successful blended families out there, I also know that a) Someone had to suck it up and take it big time to even get to that point (with no real guarantee for the future), and b) There just ain't that many out there.  No surprise there.