HCBM refusing to continue coparent counseling
Anyone have a HCBM demand via the GAL for coparent counseling? After two sessions, she’s refusing to meet anymore, after she asked for it. The coparent counselor learned that mom lies, plays games, tell the counselor one thing but does another, when the counselor tries to work with her regarding following court orders and such, she freaks out and now says she's too traumatized to continue sessions.
Apparently the GAL is now rewriting the court order after speaking with the co-parent counselor re: coparent counseling after learning the HCBM is refusing to participate. Just wondering what’s next? What do you think the new court order will be? I’m assuming we just give up all hope of ever having the bio parents have a amicable coparent relationship? Not to mention the HCBM has violated so many court orders these past almost two years and nothing happens to her, we take her to court, they give her chance after chance after chance and we never get awarded legal fees nor will the courts force her to follow the same rules. What is the point of all of this then? What's the point of the courts?!
IMHO when you have a HC personality in the opposition.....
You bring the pain, continuously and as fully as possible to keep them twitching until they disengage and crawl back under their toxic rock at the bottom of their shallow and polluted gene pool.
We had to use this method for the 16+ years we lived under the CO and the SpermGrandHag was the HC influence in our blended family adventure. When she pushed, we shoved, when she confronted, we destroyed, when she cried, we increased the pain to drive home the lessons. We used every legal, social, and financial stick at our disposal to beat her back into control. She would stay quiet for a while after a painful lesson but eventually she would try again with her toxic HC crap.
IMHO the way to mitigate the crap from a HC player in the blended family world is to make their actions so brutally painful for them that they eventually learn that they get more of what they want by being reasonable than by being toxic.
Even the SpermGrandHag did finally learn to at least not play her usual toxic script. She completely shocked me when SS called her to tell her that he had asked me to adopt him (he was 22, I had been his dad since before he was 2yo) and that the adoption had been finalized. She congratulated him and told him that she was happy that he had been raised with a good father figure in his life. I know that the realization that her idiot son is a complete POS who ruined the lives of his three younger children had to have destroyed her.
So, stay loaded for bear. Bring the pain, fight tooth and nail to protect the best interests of your Skids, your mate, your marriage, and your family and do whatever it takes to make toxicity far more painful for the HCBM than she will tolerate.
The odds of having an amicable coparenting relationship with an HC opposition are about slim and none. The key for us was not worrying about why they did what they did, instead we focused on what they did. When it was reasonable we let it fly, when it was unreasonable, we brought the pain. In the long run my SS was successfully raised to successful viable adulthood. He is kicking butt in his life and his career. His mom and I are very proud of him.
Sadly, he has no significant relationship with that part of his family and even more sad is that his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas are failing miserably as young adults. One is in prison for 5 years, another is following that one down the prison path, and the third is struggling along the struggling life path that generations of the SpermClan have gone down.
Just disengage from this
Just disengage from this legal mess. Let your DH deal with it. He is the only one that has any legal say in it anyway. Went through the same thing. CPS called on her multiple times by multiple people (even exBFs so you know her neglect was bad) has had people 5150 her a few times and courts always sided with her. It's crazy and frustrating and something you don't have to deal with! Good luck in whatever you decide with HCBM.
DH has to deal with HCBM but
DH has to deal with HCBM but you don't. For your own sanity I would build a fence and keep BM as far out of your life as you possibly can.
Nothing positive will come out of you being involved in a situation you have absolutely no control over.
The point of court is to make
The point of court is to make attorneys rich, as far as I can tell. It's a deeply flawed system and high conflict women know just how to make it work to their advantage. If you've found that the judge won't do anything, time to stop legal action. Don't bankrupt yourselves fighting a losing battle.
I think, based on your
I think, based on your description, that there is no hope of the two "co-parents" ever having an amicable relationship. I also agree with the comment above that the courts are to make lots of money for lawyers. I also agree that for whatever reason, family court seems to cater to high conflict women, rather than keep them in check, as you might expect if you only knew what the courts were supposed to do. Society still views mothers as saints or martyrs and courts still seem to be pretty male-dominated, so challenging the assumption that a mother is not just doing all she can to "protect the children" is difficult. But, as someone who also has to deal with a HCBM, my advice is to just walk away...don't try to force her to do anything unless it is absolutely essential, pick your battles for the things that really matter, and minimize contact with her entirely.