I have in laws problems... DH & I have been together for a little over two years & married for about three weeks. We have BS7, SS6, & SD4. BM is only in the pic occasionally for short supervised visits. Other than being sporadic in their lives & occasionally calling with strange requests or news, BMW is really not a huge problem for the most part. She's kind & accepting of me & has even thanked me for raising her kids & taking such good care of & loving them.
That said, she wasn't really able to take care of them when she was married to DH & DH spent a lot of time traveling for his job back then, so BM spent a lot of time with MIL & let her & FIL take care of the kids. After DH & BM split, his mom watched them everyday during the week & whenever DH needed to travel & some weekends for almost two years. So MIL & FIL have pretty much taken care of/raised DH's children since birth. Until I moved in about a year ago.
Moving here was difficult enough without the added stress of my in-laws constant need to be involved with both my Skids & my DH's lives. To try to help transition the for all of us DHs mom continued to watch the kids during the week during the time my DH worked (works from home office 9-5 most days). So DH & I would take kids over in a.m. & stay for a cup of coffee & then leave & pick them up in p.m. & chat &'leave, just like he'd been doing for two years. When it came time for kids to stop going to MIL's, she seemed very supportive & ready to "let go". Unfortunately they weren't & we've suffered big time because of it. They didn't understands why they couldn't see the kids everyday, take them whenever they wanted, stop by whenever they wanted, call all times of day, why they weren't informed of every little thing (ie a library program they went to, a day trip,I took them on, a dinner we hosted with friends...) they were upset that DH didn't come for coffe everdya anymore, that I didn't called to chat or invited them for dinner or lunch or a playmate with kids... Basically they were upset that they had lost full control over DH & his children & I happened to be the culprit who caused this. I've been accused of excessive punishments (ie SS told them I took away a favorite garment for two months as punishment, when it was actually two weeks lost in bottom of laundry pile, I am guilty of bad laundry habits, so shoot me), SD told FIL that she didn't like donkeys anymore, they called DH & yelled at him& told him I was corrupting the skids into hating everything they used to like... They accuse us of spoiling my BS & giving him more attention than skids, sooo not true we treat each of our children evenly & since we have full custody of skids we end up spending more time with them for sure.
We think they are jealous & resentful because they no longer have control & I have encouraged & been a big influence on DH taking back responsibility of his children. He spends less time with his parents & working & more time with his family. He and I are united & he supports me, but it is difficult as these are his parents & they have manipulated him so that he doesn't always see their wrongs unless they are pointed out. We got married about three weeks ago & went away. His parents said they would come then later changed their minds & did not. My parents attended & we had a great relaxing time. Whence got back neither of his parents said congrats or asked how it was. This hurt me a lot & I've been having a hard time being forgiving. We have done nothing wrong & have tried very hard to "keep the peace" so that my DH is not caught in the middle, but they are unreasonable & I'm getting sick of it. FIL drives by our home almost daily aft work( out of e way for him) & slows down to look... Not sure why or what he's looking for but it's creepy & if he were anyone else I'd call the cops. I seriously feel like I'm going insane someways & pray everyday that it will get better. I guess I'm just needing to vent as I don't really have a question. I really can't stand their constant intrusiveness & I feel bad for DH that he is stuck in middle. He wants to be supportive to me & always defends me, but then he can't say no to & always looks for acceptance from both of them. Argh I'm frustrated..