Father-in-law from hell
Does anyone else have a father-in-law who is just a complete a**? My FIL spoils my ss7, terrible. So bad that ss7 knows he can get anything & do anything he wants with "opa" & throws it in mine & DH's face. He's becoming a completely rotten kid who thinks he's entitled to everything. He treats me & his father with complete disrespect & tells us he always behaves for opa, because opa loves him & opa is his dad...
Problem is opa doesn't support DH & I as parents. He won't support or back up DH when DH tries to disapline. In fact, he has told ss8 that daddy was wrong or in front of ss8 he has reamed out DH &/or I for a consequence or punishment that was doled out to ss7. & when ss7 complains about DH or I or my ds8, FIL believes every word ss7 says without checking it's validity...
DH has been controlled by this jerk his whole life & is having hard time "dealing or understanding" why his father won't support him as a parent. And he also won't confront "opa". Not sure if it's out of fear of negative conflict or losing his fathers love, but it's a big problem. Bigger problem is, it is negatively affecting our kids ss7, sd5, & ds8. Ss7 is becoming a terror at home & is torn between loving opa & loving his father & myself. Sd5 sees how spoiled ss7 is & doesn't understand why opa doesn't do the same for her, & ds8 sees the blatant favoritism & hates to be around FIL, which is a prob because mil & FIL live right down the road & often take the kids for a few ours or overnight & ds feels left out or awkward.
Mil is not as bad as FIL, but she supports her hubby & won't speak up for DH & is jealous of my involvement in the skids lives. We have skds full time, BM not in pic.
Guess it would be more then 1
Guess it would be more then 1 in a 100. I actually have done this to my ILs. FIL is very opinionated and MIL tried to undermine me with ss17, when he was 5 and had just started living with us full time.
While I still have to stay on top of FIL and he is never allowed alone with any of the skids/kids, he is better and MIL got it the first time.
You should pm StepAside. Her
You should pm StepAside. Her mil interfered with the parenting of her SKs. Big time. She can give you some advice on dealing with people like fil.
" Well, first you shop
" Well, first you shop Craigslist for a cheap crockpot, big enough to hold the inlaw. Then you place the inlaw in the crockpot, set the timer, and go have a ball."
Lol
My MIL was very much like
My MIL was very much like this and favored SDs over BD even though all of them were her granddaughters.
The SDs were always spoiled absolutely rotten by MIL and she had no problem undermining DH's parental authority anytime DH would try to correct the SDs bad behavior or anything else when we would visit. SDs have now grown into disrespectful, lying, thieving adults with entitlement issues (just like MIL).
I agree with everyone else that you need to find a way to limit time with Opa. While he is probably trying to "make up" for the fact that BM isn't in the picture, it's hurting a lot of other relationships in the process and it already seems to be on the path of driving a wedge between SS and SD since she is already noticing the favortism. If this is allowed to continue, you are going to have a SS that will probably become an adult like my SDs and there will probably be a lot of animosity between SS and everyone else in the family long after Opa is gone.
OMG you need to limit the
OMG you need to limit the time the kid spends with the old fart! And retrieve your DH's balls out of the old guys' golf bag, pleazzz.
Thanks everyone. It does
Thanks everyone. It does scared me to have SS spend so much time with opa as I fear the worst. I sooo wish we could put some distance between us & his parents, but I'm not sure that will happen. I've come to think maybe when they build their home in my "backyard" SS will just go live there & then he'll be out of my hair... Just wish DH would either give the kid up to the old fart full time or get his butt a nontraveling job & get home to take care of the kid himself or tell his dad to go eat poop. lol
You and I are in the same
You and I are in the same boat, except for my mother in law is the control freak, father in law is the so called supportive husband. lol.
I have however let go a great deal of my anger, simply because I look at my husband and my step daughter as victims. They both have been abused. DH has learned from early age that the only person he could trust is his mommy dearest, he also learned to keep every opinion to himself in order to keep family harmony. My stepdaughter learned from early age that she needed to be "protected" from all evil forces. So if step mother said anything she did not like to hear, run to grandmother.
No court of law could properly say that their childhoods were abusive, but we are not discussing legal parameters here. They were abused. In the most obvious active abuse, law officers can see, evaluate, and intervene. Passive abuse is not nearly so easy to recognize. As we continue down the list, the abuse becomes harder and harder to identify. Only the damaging effects remain obvious.
My mother in law will never accept a simple fact, her children and grandchildren leave home by stages. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. They venture forth from the nest, often before their flight feathers are grown. That is normal and healthy. The rigid parent who expects the child to fall obediently into lockstep had better brace for an explosion.Even if the explosion be muted, damage will occur.
Healthy authority versus authoritarianism. Strong spiritual leadership versus rigid tunel vision. Where is the line?!
Your father in law and my mother in law will never learn to just let go. It is their problem, not ours.
I do not deal with my mother in law because we speak two different languages. Until we figure out how to communicate with each other as two grown adults who mutually respect each other, I view her as an unwanted guest in my family.