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Question on Splitting household expenses/bills

CalliMay09's picture

Those of you who are married with step kids BUT no kids of your own how do you and your Spouse split household expenses(Mortgage, taxes, lawn care,food, Electric etc)? 
 

DH and I basically split things 50/50. Our Income is about equal BUT I have WAY more money saved up( Kept in separate bank account from DH money). DH pays for any Specialty food SS wants but if I cook a meal we Equally split the cost. SS is over every other weekend, two evenings at week and split equally all holidays and school breaks with BM. 
 

So I'm just Curious how other folks do this....

ESMOD's picture

My skids were on a schedule that was a little different..but probably over a year worked out to similar time.  We generally kept things even.

If your living costs have gone up since you got with your DH due to moving to a home to accomodate his child.. technically.. it would be equitable if he paid a little more.  But, I understand that it's hard to ask for that when you know he may have a big CS bill too.

You should definitely insist on some common financial goals.  you don't want him to be a drag when you both retire.

classyNJ's picture

Basically the same as you.  We have a household account that pays for all bills.  His health insurance and CS (when he was paying) was taken out automatically and the rest went into the  household account.  He makes more, but like you I saved more since I didn't have the added expenses and is in a seperate account.  We also have savings accounts with the credit union that we each put money into. 

The boys were here every weekend and a few nights a week since he did all sports.  The food cost came out the house account because we all ate together.  If we all went out he paid. Vacations with the boys -he paid.  Vacations with just the two of us we both paid for the flights and lodging and I paid for any excursions.

This is what worked for us.

tog redux's picture

This is essentially what we did too. I didn't quibble over DH paying more for utilities, mortgage etc, but he did pay more for vacations if SS went or dinners out.

Picardy III's picture

Both before and after our DD was born, DH and I went completely joint on finances. All in the same pot, so no consideration of his vs. his kids' vs. my portions of expenses. Like your situation, he makes more, but I brought in more assets and fewer liabilities.

I don't know how we could make separate finances work. I admire those couples who do, and have considered it at times I've gotten frustrated with DH's financial habits. But I think it would lead to tit-for-tat and resentment.

CLove's picture

We make equal money, but we keep our money separately. We have a "house account" for our mortgage.

We pay 50/50 on bills, as well as household products, food, internet. He pays his cable (in his man cave) and I pay netflix.

I have no bios, so I have more disposable income than he does. HE pays for Munchkin SD14 and pays child support. So whatever is left over from expenses we have full authority to do what we want.

We also just bought a boat and a car together. Equal split.

Cover1W's picture

Like the others, we have a joint "house" account and we contribute 50/50 to that. I have no problem with this personally.  it's a nice house and location and I'll pay for that and the utilities. If those utilities are run up by SDs then DH pays more to me for groceries to make up for it.

Other things he pays for is the internet as he's on it much more than I am and now YSD needs it for school. I now need it for work too, but I also pay for some streaming apps and I do more errands and also house repairs and general upkeep. So it works out.

Groceries are also generally 50/50. There was a time when we first moved in where I was paying for most of the groceries, couldn't figure out why I was out of $ at the end of each month and he had play money...after that, no more. I will not buy special food though for either SD. OSD when she lived here had the most expensive taste and was very picky ( think lemon curd, nutella by the large container, smoked salmon, etc....) so I refused to buy any of that stuff unless she also ate normal food.

He actually owes me several thousand, which I do want back because it was to cover him and the SDs due to nothing but his financial decisions but I haven't had to add to that pot for a long time and he pays me back now and then.

We don't argue about money but I do have to be on top of things with him - financial accountability is not his strong suit.

justmakingthebest's picture

Initially, when DH and I moved in with me, we didn't have either of his kids. I had a 3 bedroom townhouse. I thought the most fair way was to split the rent by bedroom so I paid for 2.5 and he paid for .5. Then when it came to utilities we kind of went more 50/50. He wanted the big cable and internet package (previously I had just a decent internet and netflix and hulu)- so he pays that, our auto insurance and cell phones. I pay the gas, water, trash, electric and almost all of the groceries. He would always pitch in there if I asked. But him living with us didn't really cost me much more by way of food.

Later when my older SS came and we got a big house so all 4 of the kids would have their own rooms we split things 50/50. The utilities/ phones/insurance stayed in the same situation because it is pretty even but he does contribute more to groceries now and we usually eat out once a week and he always picks up that bill (which with 5/6 people is always close to $100 anyway). 

Rags's picture

I have no BKs.  My DW brought a 15mo old son to our relationship on day one. We married the week before he turned 2yo.  We both have been all in on our marriage for the more than 26 years we have been married.  Any income earned by either of us is and always has been marital income.  My SS benefited fully from that income as the resident and only child in our blended family.

Our marital income pays our family bills, that has included safe housing in top school districts or boarding schools for my SS-28 when he was a minor.

We have never divided bills between us.  The resources pay the bills, provide our quality of life, fund our investments.  It is all "our" income.  It is all "our" resources.

I do understand that we have a very simple blended family structure.  One Skid, no BKs between us, an equity life partnership that serves us both, supports us both in our educational, professional and personal goals, entertains us both with travel, time with friends, time with family, and allows us to have nice homes, cars, and a pleasant life... together.

Separating marital resources with a tit for tat not my kid, not my bill, I'm taking my money and doing with it what I want while you go down in flames marital and financial model is a recipe for disaster.  

That said.... both partners have veto rights on expenditures, residency of Skids, investments, etc....   If one partner has prior relationship spawn and is responsible for supporting those spawn CS is that support. Anything beyond CS is entirely at the discretion of the prior relationship breeder's spouse and must be agreed by both partners. PERIOD!  After CS is paid, 100% of the income of the spouse that brings kids to the mix is marital income as is 100% of the income of the spouse with no kids. If both bring kids, the same applies. Marital income includes any CS that either partner receives. My DW received CS, though a pittance, from the SpermClan  and it went into the family coffers where it was used to help, on a very minor level, to feed, clothe, house, etc... the Skid as a member of our family.

The obvious significant challenge is that with this model, non resident kids do not, and IMHO, should not have the full benefit of the income of a household they do not reside in. They should get the full benefit of the family income of the household they reside in full time.  Including the CS that their other parent pays.  

We do nothing innovative. We follow the model we grew up with.  Income within a marriage is marital income and benefits the members of that family and residents of that family home. Which in a blended family includes all of the kids, it benefits the resdent kids full time, and benefits the visiting kids when they are present and through the payment of CS.

Keep it simple.