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Therapy for SD

Lisa120eta's picture

My SO and his Ex have agreed to send SD to counseling for a variety of reasons.  My question is who here has had their kids in counseling and is it unrealistic to want to talk to the counselor about issues SD is having? My SO thinks that we won’t be able to be engaged with the counselor and tell them what we think some of the issues are?  Is he correct? 

Phoebe333's picture

I'm not sure if I would be involved in the meeting with counselor. I'd let the girl's parents handle this together or alone. Your so may not want to be involved and keeping out of the situation on purpose. That's his choice.

Age of sd? 

Lisa120eta's picture

I’m 100% ok with not talking to SD counselor, but I think it the utmost importance that he does as well as BM.  I said we in my original post as I think family counseling would be beneficial because of the conflict that SD creates in the family but that’s not a hill I’m willing to die on.  SD is 12 going on 20.  

Curious Georgetta's picture

With a Catholic Charities Office or a Jewish Family Services Office you  should contact these organizations and ask about resources in your community.  The people in these organizations tend to be well informed about services in their areas.

Additionally, if there is a Children's Hospital in or near your area, check with the hospital's Social  Services Office, they too may be able to provide you with information about services and referrals in your area.

 

tog redux's picture

The parents should absolutely be involved with the counselor, BOTH of them, and you and a stepfather if the counselor asks for that.  Lots do want to meet stepparents, depending on how well they know the kid.

If the counselor doesn't want the parents involved, find a new one. You can't help kids without changing things in their family environment.

Lisa120eta's picture

I completely agree and think that both parents should be involved, I’m ok with not being involved but think it’s important that the therapist knows why SD is going in the first place.  My SO thinks that the therapist won’t talk to him.  Which I’ve told him of when you call to make the apt and ask questions they aren’t willing to engage with you, hang up the phone a call until you find one that’s willing to keep you informed (within reason obvi because of patient privacy).  

tog redux's picture

Absolutely, both parents should be involved. A good therapist would welcome that.

Harry's picture

You have no rights when it comes to medical things.  SD has two parents.  It's up to the counsel it he wants your input.  Most likely that will not be asked for for many months .  
 

I also can see BM being totally upset to the max if you are trying to fix her DD.  She may not be happy that you are there in SD life in  first place.  But trying to change her. ?  Thinking your opinion actually matters ?  You doing your best to create a happy family.   You are opening a big can of worms 

Lisa120eta's picture

I would normally agree with you 100% but SD12 is now doing things that are requiring Law Enforcement.  I also have a child in the house.  Both BM and my SO are on board with SD going to counseling.  This isn’t my push.  My only push is that both parents ensure that SD is seeing someone who will actually hear from the parents what’s going on instead of just talking to SD.  

Evil3's picture

About three years ago, I put my DD19 into counselling. I was able to make the initial call to the counsellor and talk to him about what I thought the issues were. Then, I stepped out of it and left it up to DD and her counsellor unless they asked me to partake. The counsellor was great. He listened to me and let me tell him what to look out for if my DD started to stonewall him. She had asked to go for counselling, so that helped a lot. I think when the teenager is willing and wanting to go, it makes a huge difference as to whether or not the kid will participate and do the personal work.

Lisa120eta's picture

Awesome.  Glad to hear that.  I hope things work out exactly the way you describe.  Of course I know the parents won’t be told what happens in sessions and such unless there is a danger I just think it’s super important with sD history that she isn’t left to her own device with the counselor.  She wouldn’t be honest as to what the issues are as she doesn’t see her behavior as an issue.  She’s on board to go to the therapist for now so hopefully it stays that way.