There is no cure for stupid is there?? =\
I joined this site in late October and wrote about my situation with SD12 & DH.. I followed advice given to me by some of the wonderful people on this site... unfortunately none of it even as much turned DH's head.. but I tried right?!
Anywho.. things have gone to hell in a hand basket in the past couple weeks.. (For a recap of what's going on.. feel free to take a look at the first forum topic I posted. http://www.steptalk.org/node/33639)
I pick DH up from work to go get something for lunch and run errands... nothing new, gets my pregnant butt out of the house and I get to talk to people and not just my dog..lol
He is acting weird as soon as he gets into the car.. which usually means he has something he really has to tell me.. but he doesn't want to because it's going to be one of those "told ya so" moments... and boy was it one of those moments!
BM called him while he was at work.. which is very odd.. And it turns out that I was right when I brought up her behavioral issues while she was with us in SoCal.
BM tells DH the following
-SD has been cutting herself... not trying to kill herself, but just for the hell of it..
-SD has been so rude when she doesn't get her way that she makes BM break down in tears
-BM has walked into the living room to find SD using her little brother who's 2 (or 3 i think?) as a footstool! And he could not move if he wanted to!
-SD doesn't want anything to do with anyone in the family at all.. unless they're buying her something or taking her to a "friends" house
-SD refuses to eat anything-- at all.
-SD makes sly comments about anyone and everyone who isn't catering to her every whim..
BM talked to a school counselor and the counselor told her that everyone has to quit feeling sorry for the child because it is only putting fuel to the fire... so what does DH, BM and the grandparents decide to do? The exact effing opposite.. like the idiots they are.
DH and I have been arguing over SD coming down for the birth of her little sister.. I have been telling him 'hell no' since she made the comment about kicking a infant who was crying.. This just makes me more adamant about my opinion... and he brings up SD coming down here... I told him that in the event this little devil shows up before she has had extensive counseling and a full evaluation... he's going to be signing divorce papers and he will be fighting the biggest damn custody battle anyone has ever seen.. I also asked him why in hell he blew off my concerns until now... and he was like 'I don't think SD is capable of doing bad things like that'... That was not something he should have told me-- unless he wanted to hear a 3 hour raging lecture from his very pregnant wife.
His solution to my lecture? He calls Monster in law...which really throws a stick into things.. cause this woman doesn't have the sense god gave a damn goose. Mind you I am sitting here while he has her on speakerphone.. He called her and started talking to her about the situation.. and she's like "we don't want to make SD depressed, she doesn't need to be disciplined" and when DH brought up asking the counselor if it was a good idea to bring SD down.. she's like "well that is her little sister, she has a right to see her when she's first born" I just shook my head in disbelief.. the things people say/believe. He informed her that I have been dead against it since SD made the first comment.. and that it would take some serious convincing for me to be okay with it... She was like 'well if the counselor says it will be okay... will she ABIDE by what the counselor says?'
It's safe to say that monster in law has received a high rank on my shitlist in the past couple days.. even higher than the one she previously held... and when she gets down here in a few weeks for the birth of my DD.. I'm going to tell this old bat exactly what I think about her. Because unlike the 4 stooges (her, BM, DH, and BM's mom) I recognize when children are mentally/emotionally unstable... because I realize that ANY child is capable of going down the wrong path and that its our job as adults to discipline them and teach them how to be responsible adults. I refuse to put my defenseless DD into harms way because they don't know how to keep a 12 year old in line.. If i were to walk in and see SD harming my newborn DD.. well you have an imagination... use it!
Am I the only one who thinks this "sibling entitlement" thing is a bunch of bs? Am I wrong for protecting my child against the negligence of the adults in her life?
Comments, advice, and questions are welcomed! Sorry about my language.. I have a temper and I've been so furious with DH that I haven't talked to him since Thanksgiving.. So this forum post is the result of me not going postal on DH..lol
My dh likes to pull the
My dh likes to pull the sibling entitlement card. He used to more until ss told his siblings,dh and myself that he didnt really like them nor like being around them. I was able to see years ago that ss didnt give a bigger shit about his sibs (I mean he did plot one of them's murder).
I feel for you, I still feel I have to "watch ss around my kids" and my kids are 13, 11, and 8. SS is 12. It's not something dh and I talk about it, but I am sure he is aware I try to encourage my kids to get out of the house with their friends whenever ss is around.
I would be scared if I had a newborn around ss. At least my kids can run away and tell. The situation is not something I am happy about, it saddens me that I dont feel comfortable promoting a relationship between my kids and their step/half bro-but instead I have to try and keep them as far away as possible.
I really wish I could say
I really wish I could say that my concerns are just mere overreactions. SD does not have any concern for anyone except herself-- and she let's it be known. I'm not even comfortable leaving my dog around her! While she was at our house I let her be around jade unattended after I explained to her our "Pack rules" concerning the dog. Within a week jade wouldn't come out of our bedroom unless I called her. She shook when she saw SD. If we were all in the same room, she would be right under my feet just staring SD down. After I realized that my normally goofy dog wasn't acting right.. I decided to observe her treatment when she was unaware that I was watching. Turned out she would get into her toy box and pull out treats and taunt jade with them. And get onto her for whining and pawing for the treats. Then she would hit jade in the head with her toys and not let her have them. And then shed get bored with being an ass and go into the living room. Jade went and curled uP on her bed by the fireplace. 10 minutes later I hear 'nooo jade you're a bad dog. You are stupid.' At that point I decided to walk in and bust her. I asked her why jade was bad.. She looked like a deer in headlights. 'I I I was just playing' I informed her that I had seen everything she had done. I thought she was going to faint-- I guess my anger was obvious. I told her that she had no right to treat anything that way-- animal or human. And that she's lucky that jade is such a sweetheart otherwise another dog may have ripped her throat out..
From that moment on I made damn sure jade wasn't left alone with her anymore.the combination of her actions toward her brother recently, comments toward me, and treatment of my dog... She's not going to be allowed anywhere near my newborn until i see fit. And then while she's here-- she's going to be a regular at counseling/therapy.
DH is protective over DD but he refuses to see anything that SD does. He never holds her responsible for her actions-- I've been blamed for her not bathing because I was trying to get chores done. And it's my fault that she wasn't eating because I refuse to make her sweets for breakfast every day.
Even now-- he won't act like a parent and tell her that she is out of control. He sat there on the phone with BM and said 'I'll call her and make sure this gets handled she doesn't need to be talking to you like that'. He has yet to call his daughter... But he has texted her asking her how her day is and how much he
Misses her.
The more I think about this ridiculous situation-- i become more eager to get the hell out. If things don't start improving by the time DD arrives.. Im just going to take DD and jade to my parents house where I don't have to deal with this nonsense anymore. If other women can raise their children alone-- why can't I?
bellkozy, as a SM who has a
bellkozy, as a SM who has a very unsupportive H (he gets mad when I have symptoms brought on by a chronic illness!!), I never thought I'd read a post of a woman who has an H who is even MORE unsupportive than mine!!
But, that is what your post made me think. You know that you need to put your welfare and the welfare of those you love as top priority and do what needs to be done even if it means walking out.
I cannot BELIEVE that this jerk would tell you that you shouldn't be depressed!