Venting my way to sanity

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I need to vent, so if anyone feels like reading, I appreciate it. If you don't feel like reading a whiney post, I understand.

The last few days I have felt like running. I even took off my ring last night and handed it back to DH. I don't know if I am truly unhappy or cracking because of stress.

The stressors in our life are intense right now, so logically I know that is probably most of the reason I am fantasizing about running away. His sister needs a new heart, she is hospitalized and has kids at home. It is awful, we are trying to help out the best we can (fundraising, babysitting, visiting) on top of work and regular everyday responsibilities. My grandfather is succumbing to lung cancer, we anticipate he will not make it through the week. I am trying to make time to visit with him as well, I waited too long to have a final conversation because at my last visit he was so medicated he would not wake up.

On top of that, DH is in the middle of a court battle. I am so sick of us dishing out money because his idiot BM cannot just come up with a schedule, stick to it and be civil. It disgusts me beyond belief that those 2 procreated twice and aren't capable of any decisions without lawyers getting involved. I find it vile and pathetic. When dealing with real, tragic life experiences... this petty bullshit gets on my nerves even more.

Financially, we are barely getting by. Paycheck to paycheck and sharing a vehicle. I want a family of my own but I know I can't start one because of all the chaos in our lives. It makes me resentful.

Right now I would love to put my dogs in the car and drive away. I miss myself, I miss looking forward to something.

Thanks for listening.

It was shitty. I often feel

It was shitty. I often feel like he is lazy and expects me to carry the weight of all responsibility and I snapped. Sigh.

Yeah I didn't get into the

Yeah I didn't get into the argument. It was over money, what else. We combine our finances and I caught him stashing away money because "he is sick of handing everything over, he never does anything for himself." My head almost exploded on the spot. I sacrifice everything because of his shitty life choices (skids, debt, lawyers, seasonal employment... the list goes on). He thinks he "deserves" to blow money on himself... when we are in a financial hole...it boggles my mind.

Uh, what does this tell you

Uh, what does this tell you about his character? Huge red flag: selfish, dishonest and greedy.

I told him that was the most

I told him that was the most selfish thing I had ever seen and I borderline hated him in that moment. He backpeddled by saying he wanted to take me to a fancy dinner because of all I have done for him lately... I call bullshit.

Hon, he is selfish and

Hon, he is selfish and immature. He wants you to be the traditional wife and go along with the program that is "His Life." Perhaps closing your wallet and driving off with your dogs would be a good plan, at least temporarily until the dust clears.

Yeah I didn't get into the

I didn't mean to post a

I didn't mean to post a zillion times... slow computer.

Yeah I didn't get into the

Awful situation. You are

Awful situation. You are under so much stress and you are cracking
First take care of you- good food sleep and exercise
Now in terms of sister : pick one thing and do it - so you either offer to babysit twice a week and one fundraising thing a month or babysit X 3 per week and no babysitting or whatever pattern you want to work out
But you can't do everything and be all things to all people
Trying to do so is killing you
In terms of your grand dad go and see him and give yourself the space to spend time with him
As for your partner, let him sort out the BM and her shite. Don't engage and minimise your money going to it, if you give any.
Try maybe going to therapist so you can unload some of this stress and don't make any decisions until things have settled more

Thank you... I do need to eat

Thank you... I do need to eat better, sleep better and exercise more. I simply am not doing a very good job at any of that. I eat on the go, rarely exercise and collapse from exhaustion each night.. only to wake up a couple hours later and toss and turn.

I also just saw all of the

I also just saw all of the convo yesterday from why you lost the head.
Honestly lady, this is a disgrace and you know it right? You are up to 90 trying to help everyone and he does this to you? I can see why you borderline hate him and you have every right to be very hurt and upset about things
I suggest you remove your wallet from the game just like the others have said. Let him sort stuff out with his kids and lawyer and all that crap himself- after all he made the mess so he doesn't get anything for himself till he sorts his stuff out

I really above all think you need to take care of you. Please just take the time to take care of yourself. Stop running yourself ragged and give yourself a break. You cannot be all things to all people.
So: why don't you plan yourself a nice lunch for tomorrow to help get you started? Or a nice smoothie for breakfast?
Eating on the go- try to choose fruit and rice cakes and yogurts. A sneaky choc won't hurt tho!
Also could you try to take the dogs for a walk in the evening - clear the head and help you get ready for bed?
Camile tea may help you sleep as well.

In terms of the other stuff like I said before: pick one thing or two things to do for the sister- example: I will bake 5 cakes for X fundraiser and I will babysit this weekend. That's all I can do at the moment. Or whatever it is you think can best help without putting too much pressure on you.
And please go see your grandfather and spend some very precious time with him

Thinking of you loads at the moment - big hugs!

Thank you. This is what we

Thank you. This is what we need... we need to have a sit down. He truly doesn't realize just how much money we spend on "extras" (prescriptions, skids clothing, chipping away at various debts, etc). After he pays BM we take home the same salary. But the skids are not cheap! Nor is the lawyer who is helping to tame his beast of an ex! Inevitably I end up covering a lot that I should not be obligated to cover. During our argument I felt he was insinuating that I am somehow mis-managing money and it really bothered me. I felt extremely betrayed and I cracked under stress... the handing over the ring was dramatic but I am glad you understand...

Once he beings working overtime a lot of our financial stress should go away but it has been one hell of a winter. I have never felt stress so intense.

If you are not married, pack

If you are not married, pack up your dog and get the hell outta dodge. Otherwise, it's time for separate bank accounts and division of bills. He should be financially responsible for lawyers, kids, and child support. Split the rest of the bills concerning living in the home. I would get everything set up where financially y'all look like roommates. Just because you are married, doesn't mean you married his financial obligations to his children. Paying for his previous life is his responsibility useless you decide to help. His hiding money from you is horrific and incredibly indicative of his true nature. Take back your life immediately, otherwise you'll get chewed up and spit out till your just a husk of the woman you once were.

agree with this 100 percent.

agree with this 100 percent. dh will be looking at your money to use to his own ends.

dont ever hesitate to leave that door open in case you want out. your children will always take a back seat to the ones from his first marriage.

agree with this 100 percent.

agree with this 100 percent. dh will be looking at your money to use to his own ends.

dont ever hesitate to leave that door open in case you want out. your children will always take a back seat to the ones from his first marriage.

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Venting my way to sanity