How do you stomache DH betrayal
OK, as some of you remember SD18 has caused me nothing but h3ll. She is/was very disrespectful, preferred to turn to HS (half-sister) and totally ignored us before going into Boot camp 1 week while she was in town. Stayed at a motel and ignored us and was awful to us.
Now DH is being all nicey nicey to her that she's away and that he loves her and wants to send her Christmas presents etc. We had agreed that she'd get nothing for treating us the way she did and now he's changing his mind. He thinks the army will have changed her attitude. Well, they are allowed 1 phone call and 1 contact while in the army and who did she choose -- HS, not her father, but HS. URG!!!!!! She's blamed me for everything, naturally but has been an Ahole to her father as well. He's willing to let go and forget and be the bigger person. I can't. I know disengage, but it's easier said than done. I'm so upset right now. He's typed her out a letter with pictures of our cats and dogs and is going to send that to her -- to make her home sick. Yeah Right! She's not home sick for us. All she wants is HS. She's attached to her HS more than anything else in this world. Can't go to the bathroom without her.
I'm so over this. I'm serious about telling him that if he invites her over for 2 weeks after Basic Training to my house then he can leave. I'm not having that B in my house. She is so disrespectful of me that I'm not putting up with her. She can go stay in a motel again for those 2 weeks and he can stay with her if he wants. I'm just so friggin mad right now I can spit. Just help me to calm down friends. I trust your help! Thanks
What is HS? He doesn't
What is HS? :?
He doesn't want to believe his daughter is a crappy person. Face it, what parent does? I think when it comes to parent/child relationships, the parent is almost always going to opt to "be the bigger person" because, ideally, we hope to teach and pass that on to our kids as well. Treat SD the way HE wants to be treated kinda thing.
I don't really understand why you're so mad right now and why you'd be wanting to leave your DH if SD comes for a visit. What has she done to you? Something truly awful (like trying to kill you) or just being generally bitchy to you?
She's been disrespectful,
She's been disrespectful, mean, abnoxious, called me all kinds of names, said she never wanted to speak with us (dad & I) in this lifetime or next. Granted you've not read other posts probably where I was living a nightmare with this kid. She's more than bad, she's evil. She's got an attitude that would put any kid here to shame. She's mouthy, told me that I caused her father and mother to break up years and years ago when I didn't even know them, etc. She's evil. Pure and simple. Put what you read on this forum into that kid and you have another one of these disrespectful, abnoxious kids. I relate with a lot of step-mom's here that have adult teens and they are vicious. Yes, she's even tried to hurt me physically by throwing something at me that ended her up in a mental health facility a couple of years ago, so is she mean? You tell me? I am not dreaming this up. I know what she's like and need support to get through the next little bit. That's what I'm hoping to find here! Not condemnation because I'm being mean to her. She's an adult now, she wants to be treated like one, then I say she pay the consequences of her behaviour.
if yu look in my posting HS
if yu look in my posting HS stands for Half-Sister (mom's side not DH's at all! Thank God!)
Dtzyblnd, I'm not sending her
Dtzyblnd,
I'm not sending her anything. She doesn't want to come home to her father's for Christmas. She'd rather go 4 hours away to her HS's for Christmas. Then let her HS deal with her. I'm not giving her a damn thing! I'm angry, hurt and very upset. She was as mean as she could be before leaving. Didn't head or listen to DH's advice and quit her job before leaving so she could go play with her HS instead of being responsible, work and pay her bills, expects everyone to pay everything for her. Sorry, but that doesn't fly with me. You want to be treated like an adult then act like one. Anyway, I know she's only allowed 1 call but she makes her call to HS instead of her dad. Really nice. Doesn't tell him anything about how she's doing, nothing about which troop she's in, nothing about going to Facebook and being able to see pictures, nothing about Graduation, nothing. Just plain nothing. And HS is a real Witch with a capital B. So she won't share anything with us. She's part of the problem HS's poison's SD's mind against her dad and I and SD believes everything HS has to say. So we're screwed no matter what, but DH falling into her trap again. URGGGGG That's what get's to me.
Boy Stepaside, you hit the
Boy Stepaside, you hit the nail right on the head!!!!! I'll try to put your suggestions in place. Hard but I can try. I'm thankful here that some understand what it's like having a brat! I mean a real brat and then being walked all over. I'm tired of it and yeah, I'm afraid DH will buddy up with her and leave me in the learch when he's the one that had put his foot down before. Now that some time has gone by without her, he seems to forget the h3ll we lived through with her. He's all nicey nicey cozzy cozzy with her now. Well, I'm not and have no intentions of being her friend. If she were someone I worked with or saw on the street, I'd ignore her so that's what I'll do now. Ignore her and DH if he wants to have that relationship with her. He can but I don't want to know about it. His problem to deal with. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I needed that this morning. Yeah, I'm hurt and angry at the same time.
Can't help that.
Thanks again!
Thank you Wow! I know how
Thank you Wow! I know how hard this is and it is a control thing too. I have to let it go and let him make his own mistakes. He tells me he's over her on one hand then turns around and offers her to stay with us after Boot Camp. If that kid hasn't changed she is NOT staying in our home. I will not allow it. I will put my foot down that it's either she goes or he does. It's my home and I'm not about to have a kid tell me how to run my home or badmouth me there. If she doesn't like it she can stay in a motel like she did before she left for boot camp a few weeks ago, or go to her HS's house. But she will not be welcomed with an attitude. She'd better change that's all I can say and as for my DH, if he wants a relationship with her, that will be up to him and her cause I'm outta it! I'm not playing their games any more. I'm too old and too tired for this.
Thanks again for the encouragement.