I truly believe that men act that way is because they feel guilty. And just "why" they NEED to feel guilty is beyond me. I sometimes think that they WANT to feel guilty. They're just not "man enough" to stand up to their spoiled kids, because God forbid..........the poor little things will be "hurt" all over again......
What a FRIGGIN' COP-OUT. My DH caters to their every whim and at times, his ex wife's as well. I have THREE adult step-daughters, and the two older ones refuse to even acknowledge me, speak to me, or look me in the eye, even though I have been with their father for over NINE years, married for the last five.
You can read my previous posts if you want to hear more of my story.
You have my sympathy.

I'm new on here but Jeans222 you and I are in the same boat it sounds. My SD is 18 and has humiliated me so many times I'm ready to scream. She is a spoiled brat (only child) who always had everything - designer everything. My husband paid child support plus bought her everything she wanted until he married me. I work 2 jobs and I don't like handing out money to someone who completely disrespects me. Example - last May was her HS graduation. She got 6 tickets total and told her dad he could only have one. I was so hurt by that and even more hurt when he went.

My husband says he tells her that she has to accept me. Behind my back he also pulls "stunts" (all involving money) that he sneaks to her. Bear in mind, that I would not mind helping her our with some money (resonable requests). Last winter she wanted (demanded) a $450 pass to a ski lodge to go snowboarding (he was still paying child support). He snuck the money to her. I am also sick of hearing I'm sorry. We have only been married a little over 2 years and she has caused problems from the day we met. If I had only opened my eyes BEFORE the wedding.

I'm in the same boat. PLEASE REFER TO MY POSTING FROM AUGUST 25th, 2009, entitled "Three "adult?" step-daughters".

My DH is constantly giving the "STITCHES" (step-bitches) money behind my back. What hurts, is the fact that he can't discuss it with me, he just goes ahead and does it. Once, when the youngest, who was 19 at the time, DH paid off some of her bills which included student loans and a few missed car payments. It came to a total of about $1500.00. He told me about it after-the-fact, and said he had to do it to prevent her from being put in jail. This girl (now a single mother) also was bragging about all of her tattoos and piercings that she had just gotten. Also she had to have the latest in fashion, and drive all of her friends around. What IS IT with men??? They do these things to assuage their "guilt", which the STITCHES and their mother have dumped on him. The BM at that particular time also called my husband and left him a voice mail saying that DH AND also ME "need to step up to the plate and help this girl out". My DH actually let me listen to this voice mail (rare occasion). I really wouldn't mind him helping them out sometimes, but what really torks me is the fact that I'm paying for everything, house payment included. He has also dipped into his 401k twice to pay off some of his debts. But he continues to sink into more debt, giving OUR money to his ungrateful brats.......
Yes, a never ending problem. I wish to hell I'd had more sense than to marry him........ UGH!!!! I'm just thankful that MY three kids are totally the OPPOSITE of these girls!

Be it wife or husband...if either spouse has to "sneak" stuff by you, there is a much bigger problem at hand...Good Luck! BTW Guilt + Overcompensation = a really bad time for stepparents LOL (not to mention usually a pretty useless child that grows into a useless adult)

I can relate. YSD is 22, married, has a one year old son but doesn't seem to want to cut the dies and be a grown up even though she doesn't live with us. The constant asking of handouts and favors is quite annoying. This week was asking to come over to do her laundry after her dad, my DH, flat out told her she is NOT to invite herself over here for any reason but wait to be invited. She was just here a couple weeks ago when we treated her family to a NICE t-bone steak dinner. I have a good heart but I won't let those children I didn't raise walk all over me either. DH doesn't have the money to fund stuff for them behind my back esp. since his work hours got cut. They'll be lucky if they get a gift card each for Christmas. I hope your situation gets better. I hate seeing anyone suffer from stepchildren. My DH feels guilt about his 2 divorces but his wives were the ones who wanted out. The whole Disney World Dad thing has to stop at some point. I'm 41 and my mom sure doesn't give me handouts all the time.

Me (41). DH (53). Married since May 2007. DS (9) from my 1st marriage where that husband is deceased. I have 6 grown stepchildren who do not live with us: SD (32), SS (29), SS (29), SD (26), SD (22) and SS (18). DH has been married twice before me.

Your issue seems to be more with your husband enabling sd, than with sd herself. She is a piece of work but he is the mature one that should call her on her crap. Good luck.

There seems to be a common theme with dysfuctional adult stepkids where the bio parents enable and even appear to positively encourage their spoilt, disgracefull behaviour, (my dh included.)

He seems oblivious to the hurt I have endured from his daughters over the years. I know its crazy, but I often wish he could experience what it's like being a step parent, even for one day, so he could see it how it really is.

"There seems to be a common theme with dysfuctional adult stepkids where the bio parents enable and even appear to positively encourage their spoilt, disgracefull behaviour, (my dh included.)"

Boy do I ever agree with you! It's driving a wedge between my H and I now and SD and I have grown apart. I swear, I don't think this is going to end up well. I suspect I will become the sacrificial lamb when push comes to shove...SD and g-kids will always come first. A bitter pill to swallow at best.