Update on Permission from DH
Sorry it took so long to update - we had a lot of rain down south and my computer froze!
I want to thank everyone for their responses last week. So I took the weekend to reflect, step back, and replan for the 2nd visit with the contractor that I rescheduled for Monday. I will give you the short version – a war broke out after I told DH that the contractor was coming back, and needless to say, after all the screaming and yelling, I cancelled the contractor visit immediately. Apparently, twice I hurt DH’s male pride and thought of him as useless by “hiring” a contractor to come into our home and do repairs. I didn’t then and still don’t see it that way; I just like to get and have projects done NOW instead of in a slow-ass timeframe, especially since winter is coming!
Of course, during the “war break out” we both said things where DH confirmed that he still talks to his kids about our marriage problems (and truthfully, this really hurts beyond words!), and his kids feel that I “had no right” to hire a contractor to install windows in “Daddy’s” house. And yes, DH is still adamant that I ask “permission” or “discuss it with him” before I finalize anything. The “asking permission” part DOES NOT sit well with me; I’m his wife, not his child, and him talking with his kids totally disgusts me! Then he yelled how he doesn’t like that I no longer clean or cook, and how I always disappear whenever his kids comes over because it makes HIM look bad. I finally told him that his kids disrespect towards me are no longer worth my time or energy.
So what does DH do the next day - he went to Home Depot and got an estimate on all the house windows that HE plans to install. Of course, he did NOT ask my permission or discuss it with me (smart ass here), nor will the windows be ready for installation UNTIL spring due to them being customized and it being winter season. And may I also add that DH finally finished installing the window THIS MORNING that he started 7 days ago only because his son was coming over before lunch.
I feel that I can’t win! Now I can understand DH’s points of view, but it pisses me that he refuses to understand mine. I really understand that I should have discussed the window contractor FIRST with DH, but apparently, I got no credit for NOT signing the contract. It was just the thought of our house looking great with new windows and thinking no winter moisture, no plastic on the outside or inside, and definitely no cold air coming through.
There’s my update; thanks for all the advice and thoughts. I really appreciate it!
Toy
Tell him that he needs
Tell him that he needs permission to discuss your marriage with other people.
He sounds like a selfish ass who's only concern is him looking good, to everyone except you, that is.
ok, discussing your marriage
ok, discussing your marriage with his kids is a hell no.
as for the windows...
nobody is going to like my answer here but...
is it HIS house or YOURS together?
Because, honestly, if it's HIS in his name only, then you really don't have a lot of room to get pissy about it. Yes, you're his wife. But it's HIS house. If that's the case I'd ask why isn't it in both of your names?
Actually I think it is her
Actually I think it is her house prior to her current marriage. If I recall the earlier topic thread correctly.
What other proof do you need
What other proof do you need that DH has no interest in you as an equity life partner. He said very clearly that he wants you cooking, cleaning, and asking his permission.
My mother would have pulled an Elena Bobbit on my dad if he ever spoke to her in that manner and I would still be running from my kitchen sheer armed bride if I said those things to her.
Time to order that obscure Elena Bobbit fan club poster off of e-Bay and put it up on a wall in your house with the quotes;
"Why aren't you cooking and cleaning?"
and
"You must ask my permission!"
clearly taped under the poster. Then put some slightly bloody kitchen sheers on a shelf under the poster and quotes.
Then every time you see DH, make scissor motions with your fingers while softly saying "Why aren't I cooking and cleaning and asking your permission huh?"
See how long it takes for him to change his tune or to assume the fetal position while sniveling and crying.
Since DH seems to be a clueless moron you might as well have some fun tormenting him.
Hey, it is nearly Halloween and my macabre side is starting to come out.
If this is your house, you
If this is your house, you have nothing to discuss with DH unless the money for the job is coming out of a joint fund. His comment about 'permission' is out of line. He could have said, "Let's discuss this." But talking to his kids about your martial problems is a 'NO-NO'. I like the kitchen sheers idea, and I'd place a pair of balls on the shelf with the sheers. If he has the right to air marital 'dirty laundry' to anyone who will listen, you do too - let him know it.
Ok - it now looks like you
Ok - it now looks like you enjoy being treated like a child. You like him controlling everything and telling you how it is. You don't go into a feral rage and attack his lame ass for discussing your marriage with his kids. You don't light his ass on fire for saying you need his permission to do anything around the house.
Don't like being treated like a kid? Then stand up for yourself. Show him that you're his equal and WILL have equal say in the running of the house. Tell him that if he values your marriage he will NOT discuss your issues with his spawn.
He wants to control everything? Leave. Let him do it - if its your house kick him out. See how well he does on his own.
Otherwise, continue to do nothing. and nothing will change.