When did your real skid problems start for you?
My skids first entered my life 13 years ago (July 1 is our anniversary of moving in together). At that time the oldest, who is the one giving me all the problems now, was only 12. For 4 years he lived with me and his dad and gave me very little trouble, personally. At age 16 he decided to go live with his mom who lives 6 hours north of us because he had chosen a lifestyle of drugs and crime which we would not tolerate and he refused to change. His mom was a drug addict who didn't have a clue what was going on so that's why he wanted to live there as opposed to our house. When ss was 20 years old his mom died suddenly as a result of a drug overdose, ss was living with his gf at the time who was on mother's allowance, he wasn't working. Not sure what happened between them but he ended up calling us and asking if he could move back to our town. We told him "yes" but there would be rules and conditions such as no drugs, must look for a job as well as his own place to live once he got settled. He moved back and didn't keep a single condition. It was at this time that the real problems with him began for me. It took 3 years of dealing with his crap until we were able to permanently move him out and shortly after that he was arrested and had to spend 6 months in jail. He came out drug-free, and to his credit has remained that way ever since, he also went to nightschool to get his highschool and now works f/t however the disrespect towards me and women in general remain.
As I reflect back I wonder how long his dislike for me has been there. When he was young he had his problems but that didn't stop me from liking him as he never disrespected me at all, but now that he's older it's a whole new story! I wonder if the resentment has always been there and whether he's old enough now to twist it so that his dad doesn't see it. To me it seems like he's trying to make his dad believe that I'm the one with the problem with him and his dad seems to buy into it even if he really sees the truth.
I also wonder if his alcohol consumption isn't part of the problem as well as most of his confrontations with me happen when he has been drinking. His dad is no help in this department because he's drinking right along with him and the 2 of them just end up ganging up on me during these verbal confrontations, backing each other up even if the other is lying. Any point I make to the 2 of them is instantly buried or twisted so that there is no way I can present my side or defend myself against the name calling and lies. When ss was a kid obviously alcohol wasn't a factor which is why I wonder if maybe that is the whole problem now.
Anyone else have a similar scenario?
Ugh this scares me- I'm
Ugh this scares me- I'm getting married and there's already issues with SD16. I don't want to let her choses the fate of my relationship bc I really do love him but I'm worried that her resentfulness towards me wil never change
He is not drug free if he is
He is not drug free if he is drinking. He has simply replaced his illegal drug use with a legal one.
And seriously, these 2 get drunk and call you names? I'm sorry but I'd be having exactly ONE come to Jesus meeting with dh that this behavior stops IMMEDIATELY, ss moves out, dh quit drinking or your leaving. You will not be able to rationalize with these individuals because they are not in their rational minds when they are drunk. Wait til your dh is sober and have this discussion with him. You should not tolerate that level of disrespect from anyone in your home. I think I'd shoot my dh if he got drunk with the skid and they sat around calling me names.
The first time I ever laid
The first time I ever laid eyes on SS27 we met to give him a ride home. SS and his girlfriend who was about the skankiest thing I've ever laid yes on hopped in the back seat. They were both major pill poppers, drinkers and who knows what else.
SS was black and blue from head to toe after being beat up by a bunch of thugs - almost certainly a drug deal gone wrong. Dressed o scuzzy clothes and a worn out pair of 99 cent flip flops. And the apartment we took him too - OMG section 8 slums with the most hideous characters hanging around outside. It was 2 in the afternoon and I was scared to death. And they didn't even have an apartment there - they just slept on the floor in various drug dens.
This was SO out of the realm of anything in my life. I grew up in total poverty - but you know the clean and honest kind of being poor. Not the repulsive addict crime type of life style.
So I knew right away that we were not dealing with normal. My DH is not like this at all. I can take him anywhere. We are going to a dinner at the Governor's Mansion in a couple of weeks. (large group - not that we are that special). I can't stand BM but she's educated with a good job and owns her home. She's not anything SS's group at all. Both of their sons turned out to hideous. They must be so proud.
The thing is that although DH loves SS very much I know he would not ever see him if I so instituted such a ban. I do know that DH would pick me in a minute. But I hate to use the "nuclear" option unless I just have too. As long as my contact with SS is limited to 15 minutes every few months for the most part I can accept it.
grown SD started causing
grown SD started causing trouble when she started reproducing. once the sgkids came along her goal was too break DH and I up. met her when she was 14 and things were ok for a long time but she just turned on. me and DH made excuses and played along with her to stay close to her. it put a huge wedge in our marriage. I still don't love and respect my Dh like I used to.
I can definitely relate to
I can definitely relate to the playing along part to stay close to the kid and you're right about losing respect for DH when they do that. It's hard to respect and love someone who allows their kid to behave in that manner by pretending it's not happening.
I realize alcohol is a drug
I realize alcohol is a drug but I can also tell you that being addicted to prescription drugs (that aren't prescribed to you) and alcohol usage cause 2 very different behaviours. Prescription drugs are far worse! Not only do they get defensive like alcohol makes you but they also cause you to become lazy, paranoid, steal, commit acts you would never do even on alcohol (like commit fraud - which is one of the reasons he went to jail. 8 counts of fraud were one of his charges). At the time of his drug use his drug of choice was oxycontins. If you've ever seen them they are very tiny pills that can be easily missed if dropped on the floor. Well, a couple of months before his arrest he came to our place for a family BBQ and I guess he decided he was going to take a couple in our main floor powder room. Guess what happened next? Yep, he dropped one without realizing it and when he left the room he left the door open. When his dad came into the washroom he luckily found the pill on the floor before one of our 2 small dogs found it first. It would have killed them if they ingested it. Thankfully there were no young children in our home that day either. This kind of scenario doesn't happen with alcohol that's why I separate the two because I've had more than enough experience with skids doing hard drugs or prescription drugs to realize the greater evil. I'm not defending his behaviour when he drinks, I'm just not grouping the two together because as far as I'm concerned they provide 2 very different experiences and problems.
We've been married for 16 and
We've been married for 16 and we came back from honeymoon to bm going nuts and it's pretty much been that ever since. Back then my husband and I did anything we could to smooth things over figuring she'd snap out of it but as most of us know that did not come to pass. Wicked PAS, and now, the bonds between the SD's and us are pretty fractured. Don't think there's gonna be any real mending but I do hope we can be in a room and be cordial. I'm there, they aren't.
The night before DH and I got
The night before DH and I got married.
As soon as we told the kids
As soon as we told the kids we were getting married the trouble started for us. My kids were fine and even very happy, it was my husband's sons who were the hateful ones and it never stopped. We have been together now for 24 years and they have done the most awful things. I finally after over 20 years of dealing with these very ungrateful spoiled rotten creatures, I finally drew a BIG boundary line and I no longer have a relationship with either one of them.
Trouble with the kids really
Trouble with the kids really didn't start until they were about 19....very similar to bio-son, so I think it's probably just the age. Trouble with bioMom, however has been ongoing since the beginning, but seems to be getting better as the skids get older. We actually have a pretty good working relationship now...
About 2-1/2 years after dh
About 2-1/2 years after dh and I were in a relationship/skids in my life.
Was totally unprepared because everything had been absolutely great until then. Had 4 years of misery with dh's daughter. Then she seemed to come around and had a few years where she was great just like in the beginning. Then for no apparent reason went back to being a monster for the last few years.
She was 15/16 when we first met, 18 when the stupidness started.....
On the other hand my youngest sd wss 11/12 when we met, had some ups and downs but nothing like her sister. We started to bond for real a few years ago. We are now close
Have four skids (3 sds
Have four skids (3 sds and1ss) ages 5,8,10 and 13. Trouble pretty much from day we told them about us. BM tried to split us up, kids tried her friends tried. Complete rumour spreading about me then suddenly my husband was abusive to her. I was in the car every time he picked the kids up to be a witness. Refused to let us see kids for two months before wedding, then sent a solicitors letter to say she would bring the children to the wedding . We still ended up with her two nieces and sister in law as the kids chaperone! It was so intrusive. Their divorce was finalised when we had met and he had been through 6 short term girlfriends before so I'm not sure why I was victimised so much. Husband reckons it is because (apparently) I'm more attractive. I think it's because he replaced her and it hurt. She has phoned the police so many times and lied to the point we had to never be alone so we had alibis. She turned the kids against me threatened my husband with losing them if he didn't leave me. The kids did a lot of this by proxy. Sorry this is so long but I need a rant. We decided to have our own baby. While pregnant she dumped the two eldest at the time 8 and 11 on our doorstep saying she couldn't cope. I had to unpaid to look after them. They went back after a week and the eldest phoned me at ten one night in a nightie with all her stuff in bin bags. She's lived with us for the last two years. And I can honestly say I wished I had run. She has practically wrecked my marriage manipulated my husband to the point where he is screaming and pushing me. I won't go on about her behaviour. Bad school report loss of monthly pocket money and she packed her stuff and took herself back to BMs. After two years of no contact. Tried to pick a fight with, didn't work this time so turned on her dad and said he threw her out for me!!! Wish he had maybe we would still have a marriage. Now after three days she wants to come back!! I can't do it, I'm fighting for my marriage. Am I wrong to say no? Does it never stop even as adults. I don't think I can do anotherv30 years. Has anybody gotta tale where it actually gets better??