Is it worthwhile?
Forums:
Both SS here for two weeks. Guilty dad syndrome, they are tweens and have no chores. They will do some things to earn Internet money, but otherwise it’s a free-for-all. Eating on the couch, maid service, snacks handed to them, toys everywhere, don’t make their bed, etc. They’re nice kids, but it makes me crazy that there is no structure. I try to disengage, but it makes me testy. Maybe because my kids are grown and that’s not how I parented. Is it worth discussing it? I get such a look when I bring it up.
Depends - are you the one
Depends - are you the one providing maid service?
No, I’ve stepped back. I
No, I’ve stepped back. I just let the mess be as it is. I try to give some subtle hints, like when he’s giving them chores for internet money (which they do pretty inadequately) I throw in, maybe they could make their beds too? But he resents when I say anything. Maybe I’m just getting old and not in the mood. But when my kids were young, they had to make their beds, get dressed, make their own breakfast before they could do fun things like watch TV or go on the computer . None of that here
My husband is the same way.
My husband is the same way. The difference is that my stepsons live with us full-time. I try to let the mess be, but it drives me crazy to see dirty dishes pile up. Bottom line is my stepson are slobs. I started asking my husband to clean up after his kids if he isn't going to have them do chores. Maybe that will work for you.
Been there done that. My
Been there done that. My advice is to pick a public room you most care about and do not disengage from it. Talk to your DH first and let him know why you need that space picked up/clean and let him know what your proposed rules are. Then follow them.
Personally, I want the living room area picked up - so I always asked people to 'please pick up/move/clean up X or Y" before you leave the room. And if they didn't then I'd ask DH to do so. And if it was still there after 24 hours, then it was gone (donation, trash or storage if it was something more valuable that would need to be retrieved eventually) with no furthere warning or discussion.
Kitchen, needed to be clean before I cooked. If it wasn't, I didn't cook. No explanation needed. If dishes were left out more than 24 hours or so, even if dishwasher was empty or no one else had unloaded dishwasher, then I would wash them, then donate them or put them away into a box in the cupboard. I also bought paper plates/bowls/utensils for a while because no one was cleaning anything but me. This actually shocked everyone but "too bad, if no one else helps clean up, then this is your only option."
Do not be a maid. Do not nag. Do not try to exert any authority you may not have.
P.S. I stepped totally away from the bedrooms. Unless something was unmistakably rotting or smelling, I just made sure doors were shut. Not my problem if they want to sleep on sheets that haven't been washed for months.
Set your boundaries now...it will only get worse
I agree with previous post. Let ss be messy in their own rooms, and make your husband c1ean it up. Your pub1ic rooms are part of YOUR house, so you have a say in how those rooms are taken care of. If your husband can't accept your ru1es, tell him to find another place to live with his sons. just my two cents.
I would tell DH that the home
I would tell DH that the home will be presentable 24/7 and if the Skid's don't do it then he can do it. Also inform him that if that does not happen then a cleaning service will do it on a daily basis and there will be no budget remaining for internet, kid activities, etc.....
See what he decides gets the priority.
Just do what I do....I just
Just do what I do....I just throw things away. I am so sick of their nasty messes. I have thrown away probably 50 percent of their clothes on the last year and they haven’t even noticed. If they do “art” at 12 and 16....they always leave the shit out with a huge mess. I take a trash bag up and throw every single thing away the next morning.
even at Christmas they got a ton of gifts but only took a few things to their rooms or to their moms....after a month I threw everything else away....nobody ever noticed.
I mostly disengage but when I’m feeling testy a trash bag makes me feel better. Dh does absolutely nothing to help me clean.....I am solely responsible for cleaning up after 5 teens...a baby...myself and DH so until somebody wants to help me....nobody better ever utter a single word about my trash method.