Do I care too much?
I care about my boyfriend's 15 year old son very much. He was funny, caring and wonderful person to be around...until this summer. His father and I work together and were in Miami working our asses off and left the 2 kids with their mother. The son decided to con the mother into letting him stay at a "friends house" while he broke into my boyfriend and I's home and threw a massive party. Thousands of dollars of computers (we use for work) and many of my personal belongings were stolen. We managed to recover the electronics, but none of my things.
Obviously, I felt very violated as I have put my personal life on hold for this child and his well being. My boyfriend and I would go get him from his mother's whenever he created a fit and / or did not want to be there. Ever since that time he has had it out for me, he says he wants me to die and he is very nasty towards me. I believe it is because he is upset about what happened and doesn't know who to take it out on and I am an easy target.
I have tried to talk to him and he just shouts over me and puts me down. We had such a great relationship before all of this. I have ignored him and it just makes him nastier and say meaner things. My BF has tried and tried but that just makes his son direct everything towards my BF.
He takes my things, sabotages any time me and my BF have together and generally takes joy in making my life a living hell. Any one have any ideas of anything I can do to try and fix this? Or do I just give up.
I would have him drug tested
I would have him drug tested if he really has done a 180. My BS did something similar at 15 yrs old and I had him tested. He was using spice. I stuck to him like glue after that. He went nowhere without me. Even took him to work with me. He messed up a few times after that but now at 18 he is much better and on track.
I would say drugs too .. I
I would say drugs too .. I have gone through this with my own son and drugs was it .. he has robbed me of everything. my boyfriend at the time stuck bye me but he made it miserable for me because it was still my son .. so he can say what he wants to my son , but if i go to say something to his daughter ... i am an asshole .. but honeslty have child dt.
It's not drugs, it's anger.
It's not drugs, it's anger. He is so mad at everyone around him. He's just soooo angry. We've checked for drugs and that is not it. Makes me even more freaked out.
Do you have any idea why he
Do you have any idea why he suddenly became this angry? Did he exhibit anger before? I can see why the other posters on here thought of drugs. It makes perfect sense. But, if you are sure that it is not that, then something triggered all of this.
Since you had a good relationship prior to this, he may be very very embarrassed about what he did, and he cannot face you, so that is why he is acting this way.
OTOH, if he is mad at YOU, you need to find out why.
I am not excusing him, but it does not make sense for him to turn like this.
What triggered all of this
What triggered all of this was a massive party at my house where hid friends went through my closet and stole my watches, dresses, shoes and money. And he is pissed bc I had the audacity to tell him I thought it was wrong to let people in my house and steal things from my closet.
every time I try to talk to
every time I try to talk to him he says "You are pissing me off right now." As I'm calmly asking "Why are so mad at me?" So, real advice please.
Maybe you just need to back
Maybe you just need to back off. If you're sure the problem isn't you, it's him. If you keep chasing after him, all it's doing is giving him the opportunity to abuse you.
Let him know you want to have a strong relationship with him, but first he needs to own up to what he did, apologize, and make restitution. Then the ball is in his court. Until he responds, ignore SS.
Maybe I'm too quick to say
Maybe I'm too quick to say this, but I would be nervous around a 15 year old biy screaming over me when I'm talking and saying mean and nasty things to me. I don't think you should be in a predicament where he has these opportunities.
You tried to talk to him, you were willing to figure out what you could do to help the situation, and you weren't even the problem.
His parents need to quickly get him some help. I don't think that the party was a terribly big deal for a teenager, I think him allowing people to steal from you, and his abuse to you to get out of what he did is terrible.
Maybe I'm too quick at saying this, but I just can't see being around him at all until he's getting help, can treat you with respect, and his parents have a grip on him. You are not the cause, nor the reason, so therefore, why should you be taking his verbal beatings?
I'd stay away from him until they all get it together. You can't help someone that doesn't accept it, no matter how bad you want to, or how hard you try.
You don't deserve to feel bad.
Thank you. I was so venting
Thank you. I was so venting about this, but you nailed it on the head. I have been in tears about the way he treats me, but really...He's the one with the problem.
Yes his Dad must lay down a
Yes his Dad must lay down a rule that he can never be disrespectful to you. If he is disrespectful to you then Dad must outline a consequence for that behaviour and follow through. We got some help with a disrespectful SD15(at the time) and counsellor said "Do not get too complex in trying to understand her and accommodate her. Disrespectful behaviour should not be tolerated in your home and the parent and step parent must make that clear.". It is tough and it is not an easy gig. Hope that helps in some way. It did in our home.
Such great advice! "Do not
Such great advice! "Do not get too complex in trying to understand her and accommodate her. Disrespectful behaviour should not be tolerated in your home and the parent and step parent must make that clear."
It is probably one of the hardest things to remember as a step parent. I think a lot of us want it to work so bad that we try too hard to be understanding and accommodating.
I'm older and I don't have a clear memory, but I do distinctly remember "reading" adults and knowing who the "understanding, feely, emotionally-in-touch" ones were and PLAYING them. I also remember the adults that were no-nonsense and MADE me act "right". If I cursed, they didn't ask themselves what they did that made me do it, they reprimanded me for doing it.
I'm not saying everything is cut and dry, but, I do agree that even if there are a gazillion reasons for our behaviors, it doesn't mean disrespect should be tolerated.
It's a him and I am a she.
It's a him and I am a she. And his mother is a drunk that I support financially. So maybe he feels that I'm trying to take the mother role? But if I dont we will all be on the street/