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Lazy...disrespectful...failing classes

floydm's picture

Seems like every discussion I have with my wife revolves around her son...my stepson (17). It has been very difficult dealing with him. It's not just me...my wife has actually taken a step back from dealing with him and put most of the parenting on me. Of course, she's quick to comment her disapproval on my decisions...yet when I tell her she can raise him...I'm going to the extreme. Anyways...my skid(17) is a senior in high school. He's failing a class which means he may not graduate with the rest of the class. The thing is, he is not putting any effort into helping himself out. I've given consequences for his failing grade which include no TV, limited cell phone, and even no socializing with friends until he brings up the grade...no success. He just doesn't want to put the effort in. He's also stopped doing any chores around the house about four weeks ago. Constant reminders are doing nothing. I suspended his allowance hoping that would spark a little fire...nothing. He just chooses not to do any chores...and frankly I'm tired of it. I've informed him, he'll contribute financially if he doesn't contribute his time around the house like everyone else does. I just have no patience with him anymore. I'm tried of raising him...his voice gets on my nerves...I have no motivation to do anything to help this kid..to include helping him with driving time to get his license. He is by far the biggest stressor in my life right now. I've tried multiple approaches to get to him and help motivate him...but can't seem to get through his stubbornness. I give him random drug tests because of his marijuana use this past summer...he skips classes in school...talks and is disrespectful to his mom. The list goes on. I just want to wash my hands of him altogether.

intrinsicmemory's picture

Sounds like anxiety and/or depression...

Go ahead and wag your hands of him, but maybe sit down and talk to him about what is happening before you do? My siblings went through similar phases in their late teens, totally disrespected my dad (their step dad) and blew off school and home. It was a lot of anxiety (there is a lot of pressure in senior year of high school!) and a touch of depression, looking at the end of the era looming. After this they are "adults" and these days especially it can be frightening.

I watched my dad go through this with my 5 older half siblings. He stuck it through, kept on parenting, mom always took a backseat on the boys and parented the girls. I think it is the natural dynamics. A mother barely knows what to do with her own gender, let alone the opposite, so some will defer to their husband. I know I would if I had a son, my husband is a great man and I would hope any son of mine would follow his lead.

Just my two cents.

Oh, and the kid is already miserable, don't torture him anymore... Talk to him.

furkidsforme's picture

Nah, spoiled effing brat needs more than a talking to. All this "talking" sounds like it has gotten him a pretty cushy and comfortable life!

oneoffour's picture

Limited cell phone use? How about NO cell phone use. Cell phones are for contributing members of the family. He doesn't contribute he doesn't get a phone. It isn't in the Constitution that he has one.

Notacelebration's picture

Welcome to the club!

Step back, and let mom do the work. It's frustrating to watch, but it's not your problem. Some days, I'd like to slap both, DH, and SD up side the head.

You can't fix stupid. Lack of parenting is the major reason most of us are here.