I am a first-timer. I am not sure if I am looking for advice or just a place to vent with others that understand my experience. Before I start my rant there are some important key points I need to make: 

1. I hate using the word "step children" for the sake of this forum I will 

2. I have 3 Stepchildren (all boys) who (2 have same mom; 1 has another mother) 

3. Ages are 18, 17, 16 and I have been in their lives for 13 years. 

4. They never had regular visitation d/t mothers moving out of the state so the bond that we once had is not as strong

5. I love them all and make efforts to treat them as me own.....

....However, I am finding that treating like my own (I have 1  bio child son w/ husband) is not the best idea. I have certain expectations of bio son and hold my stepchildren to these expectations as well. Namely, RESPECT is KEY. I EXPECT to be RESPECTED at all times. I have house rules such as no eating upstairs, clean up room, clean up behind yourself. Unfortunately, my stepchildren have not had regular visiting with us and their mothers seemingly have failed to ingrain this in them --(Now as you know there is an entire backstory about husbands' lack of involvement for the sake of this post I will not expand on that at the moment).

They recently relocated to the state had have been with us for the summer. It has been very hard. No matter how nicely I request and explain my justifications for rules of the home it is still being broken REGULARLY. It is becoming very diffcult for me to not disengage. If these were my BIO children I WOULD NOT STAND FOR IT. I am finding snack wrappers all over the rooms, if this were my Bio son (who I might add does not break this rule-eating in rooms) I would throw away all the snacks (yep I am that kind of parent). The total disregard and then I must stand over them and request 17x that they clean the room is ridculous! I am pissed and for them to be teenager my expectations are even higher becuase they are not little boys anymore (frankly they did a better job at following rules then). 

I am feeling like this is not an oversight or forgetfulness but just blantant unwillingness to listen. Now, yall I was kicked out of my mothers house at 16 yo for months of disrespect and unwillingness to listen. I had to stay with friends and I quickly learned my lesson. So I have all this upbring memories that influence the parent I am today. And while I can enforce this to some degree, my husband has input as well, with my BIO son I can not enforce same practices with my stepchildren. I am feeling like a prisoner in my own home, I am second in command in this house yet I feel like children are running my house. It truly makes me outraged and I want to sit in my room intentionally distancing myself. But then I think what kind of mother am I, if I do that. 

So you ask were is my husband in all of this? He has never been the discplinary and thusly I am "the bad guy" honestly I think he fears that they will not want to return if he "lays down the law" now in all fairness he is passive with our BIO son as well. He is receptive when I ask him to address an issue but I am not present when it occurs so I am not even sure the conversations are occuring. 

CHERRY ON TOP : There is a recent issue (never had this before when they were with us) that if i say something they do not like they reach out to their BIO mom, say they want to come home, she reachs out to my husband who then tells me. Early on I was feeling sad about it but Now I feel like F#c% it, I am not going to change standard unharsh rules and my way of being because I have teenager who want to do what they want to do. 

FEELING DEFEATED DEPRESSED ANGRY