3bk1sd's Blog
DH has finally (I hope) gotten over his guilty dad syndrome.
It's been 14 weeks since we've seen SD. She doesn't like our rules and has been PAS'd by BM. At first DH felt badly about her no longer coming but after everyone around us (relatives and our family counsellor) agreed that it's better if she doesn't come if she'll just cause problems and drama he has agreed. No one enjoyed her visits and our family gets along much better without the drama.
what topics should I start with...
At our counselling appointment. We've been there lots of times already but it's been about a year and there is so much to mention I don't know where to begin.
1) I have lost all respect for DH because he can't stand up for himself to BM and SD. He has no problem telling me when I'm wrong though.
2) I have lost all trust in DH. He lies and he hides his true feelings from me. He waited 2 months to tell me that he thinks it's my fault that SD doesn't want to come anymore.
3) He's angry with my bios. He says that they are another reason SD doesn't want to come anymore.
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DH you've outdone yourself this time.
So DH has been treating me crappy and finally he announced that it was my fault that SD(12) no longer wants to come. I did finally get a backbone and tell her that in my house I was the boss, not her. So, I suppose that I am partly responsible for her not coming. I also hung up on her mom and told her that we're not taking phone calls from her anymore until she can be civil. In my defense I had to do this as I was sick and having migraines 2-3 times per week just dealing with the bs from SD and BM.
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DH is optimistic...
We have an appointment with our marriage counsellor on Friday. My bio kids go to their dad's and we are dropping off DD2 at DH's parents house. SD has not come for a couple of months and I don't think she'll be coming this weekend either. I did mention to DH that I could change the appointment if he thought it was a bad time and he said that he wanted to keep it and if SD did come she could go to his parents too. Our appointment is for just 1 hour. I mentioned to DH that I would like to go out to dinner as we won't have any kids with us. He lost it.
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SD hasn't been here for 2 months.
Dh and I were sitting at the table having a coffee this morning when he asked if I had Advil for his sore back. I gave him some and here is our conversation.
DH "You haven't been having migraines like you used too."
I had been having 2-3 every week for the last few years, if I take 3-4 Advil as soon as I get the wavy lines in front of my eyes I can usually stop it, sometimes he does need to take me to the hospital for iv drugs though.
Me "I'm so relieved that they stopped it was just after Christmas that I had the last one."
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I hope SD has not changed her mind about coming to our house.
SD told us, screamed it actually, that she was never coming back. DH has invited her to a movie a few times and she keeps refusing.
Question for SM's that have dealt with PAS.
I won't go into the long story of the past 6 years or hellishness my family has gone through, you can always read my previous posts if you're curious.
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Is there any connection between visits from the skids and sex?
DH and SD had a major blow-out. She says she's not ever coming back. BM called and I hung up on her. We have heard nothing from BM or SD (usually we get nasty calls and emails). DH has been in such a good mood and wants sex ALL the time. I find it very odd, almost like he's glad I finally put my foot down about the bs and crazy phone calls and now he just wants to do it all the time.
DH, is there something I didn't understand?
So in my last post I said that DH finally told SD that she does have to listen to me if she's going to come to our house. She said she would never come back if she had to listen to me. She took all her things to BM's.
Today's conversation...
Me: So DH do you want to go to the usual place on Saturday that we go when the older kids aren't with us or do you want to do something else. (We only will have BD2 all weekend).
DH: Ummm, I don't know yet, maybe. I have to wait and see if SD wants to come this w/e.
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Dh found his balls on Saturday, they had been misplaced for far too long..
SD came for the weekend. DH picked her up Friday night and they arrived in time for supper. She made some faces about supper being yucky but we played a few card games and watched a movie and the evening went pretty smoothly. SD did talk back to DH a few times but given her age (12) I think that's pretty normal. At one point the kids were watching videos and I said that Justin Beiber kid looks king of girly, doesn't he? SD replied "NO, he's yummy, you're ugly and look like a boy". I sort of let it go just becuse I had insulted Justin, lol. I did say that's not very nice.