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Is this a fair deal breaker?

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Submitted by AlexandraL on Mon, 04/19/2010 - 9:57am

I asked BF last night if me not having a good, close relationship with SD is a deal breaker and he said it is a deal breaker...thoughts?

I think it is wrong, but understand his perspective. He asked me why I'd want to be with someone whose child you didn't have a good relationship with, and that "children are eternal." I said that well, kids do move out and then you're main relationship is with your spouse. He said yes, but he didn't want awkward holidays, etc.

Be honest with me...is there really any hope...

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Submitted by AlexandraL on Sat, 04/17/2010 - 8:47am

...if I can't get past my negative feelings for my SD?

I don't think my BF will be able to accept me if I don't, even though his past and continued actions are behind my feelings for his daughter. Lately it has become difficult for me to separate him out from the situation because he is the one responsible for parenting/living in a way that makes it difficult for a me to have a relationship with him. I also do not know how I can be happy in a relationship when I feel so much anger and resentment or how I can manage a 50/50 living situation when I feel this way.

Just got some news...

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Submitted by AlexandraL on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 12:05pm

BM is now engaged.

I am really angry because if my BF had not bent over backwards to keep the peace with her there is no way she'd be engaged. If he was a thorn in her side like she's been in his her BF would never be able to handle it. She had an affair on BF and is marrying this guy and my BF has been nothing but nice and civil.

I feel angry because she's a huge reason why things are not good between BF and me...all her paranoia, focus on SD, unreasonable requests, text messages at all hours, controlling behavior have completely turned me off to getting married.

how do you know when you've had enough?

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Submitted by AlexandraL on Mon, 04/12/2010 - 7:17am

I'm tired of feeling angry, irritible, and resentful all the time. I've been going to individual counseling. My BF and I have been talking about things...we've talked about going back to couple's counseling but I feel like I need to decide whether I want this relationship before we go back.

I'm trying, and my BF says he is too...although he says he thinks he can fix things then says "maybe it won't be enough" "I can't just change things (his parenting of SD) overnight" "SD is my top priority".

Is it worth it? Pondering questions...

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Submitted by AlexandraL on Fri, 04/09/2010 - 2:08pm

Just wondering whether you think all the dysfunction, stress, and drama is worth it.

I'm beginning to think you get one shot to really have a family, never mind a partner -- a first marriage where there are no kids. It seems like there are so many divided loyalties and complexities to blended families that they're nowhere close to being able to provide what a first marriage can.

Lately, I am just wondering if it is worth it and feel that it might not be.

Ended things

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Submitted by AlexandraL on Thu, 03/25/2010 - 5:30pm

I ended things with my BF over the weekend. I wasn't planning on it, but I was frustrated with us being stuck in our relationship...you can read my other blogs for an explanation. It just came out, not angry or anything, that maybe we should just be friends as things are just not changing fast enough for me. In fact, BF tells me he's not sure things with SD and BM are ever going to change enough (for me) despite his best efforts.

Need your opinion

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Submitted by AlexandraL on Sat, 03/20/2010 - 6:11pm

You can read my other blogs for the back story but I am not living with BF and my SD any more b/c it was a losing situation for me...too much drama and emotional dysfunction with SD, BM, I was carrying everything financially, stressed out, my house was taken over, too much focus on one member of our "new family" (SD)...I just didn't want to do it anymore. BF and I are trying to start over, to date each other, but it's been very difficult for me. We have a history, we're not just meeting each other and getting to know each other.

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