it was a very LONG weekend and INTERESTING!

S0 it has been decided that I will not be going up to my SO’s and his parents’ house that much anymore. Weekends that I do go up there I will be only spending one night it will probably only be like one maybe two more until we can move into the new place. The last two weekends I was up there to spend time with him and his son.

To keep my sanity I decided to go get a pedicure with my two of my friends that live out that way and spent some time with them. This past weekend I went up again to take my grandmother on some errands and some appointments. This last Sunday I was planning on staying until after lunch but I go so frustrated and annoyed that I left as to not cause a drama.
Here is why. My future MIL decided to ask on Saturday night about going to my SO’s cousin’s wedding 12 hours away in May again. It was decided the previous weekend that SO and I and his son were not going. Cannot drive, SS8 gets car sick like bad if in a car too long. Also with getting a new place money is tight to afford 3 plane tickets to just fly down and fly right back. SO and I agreed we just will not go plus he is not like super close with this cousin and he does not want to pull his son out of school.

So MIL brought it up again this weekend about how SS8 should go, even though my SO and I are not, because it is family and he will have fun at what is too be a big party and on and on. Usually I keep my mouth shut but she was directing the conversation at me. I was trying so hard to leave my answers neutral and stick to what SO and I had talked about. I said who is going to pay for this plane ticket we do not have money, (they will). I said but he has school and MIL was like it is one day, I say he missed several days cause of being sick, she came back it is one day. I simply said my parents never pulled me and my brother out of school for anything. This shocked her. I still never answered her about her wanting to take SS8, I looked at SO said what do you think and we both just left it hoping it would die out. NOPE. That night after everyone was heading to bed except her and she had several glasses of wine she cried to my SO “Let SS8 go to the wedding, SO said NO, she said you hate me and do not like me”.

The next day Sunday SO is upstairs in the bathroom SS8 goes up looking for him and I hear the MIL call SS8 into her room. I went upstairs to get something her door was open and I hear SS8 asked why she way crying last night because I mentioned it to the FIL the next morning cause he mentioned something about the dog barking last night at her at almost midnight, and she was pretty lite on wine, so I mentioned her crying to SO last night and SS8 heard me. She tells SS8 because your daddy is mean to me and says nasty things to me and will not let you go to the wedding I want you to go. There was more, so what does SS8 do, (this part cracks me up) he comes out and says “ASH I know why she way crying and repeated everything she said to me and again to SO.

I was mad for one reason and one reason only that she tried to put an 8 year old boy in the middle of this adult decision and tried to make my SO look like the bad guy. Also this whole time SS8 did not want to go, he never wanted to go he likes the idea of the three of us spending time together in our new place that weekend.

Before anyone jumps on and tells me I should have stayed out of it, I know I should have and it was the main reason why I left early. She was directing the whole issue at me and the answer of NO never came out of my mouth. I try to stay out of things when I am there I really do, I think she thought that I would side with her and not my SO. Sorry for the long rant and this is just me getting it off my chest really.

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I don't know the whole

I don't know the whole backstory so I don't know about the relationship between you and MIL. But, she definitely crossed a line when she talked bad about DH to his son. Despite whatever issues the adults have, there is no excuse to drag a child into the conversation.

Honestly that is how I kinda

Honestly that is how I kinda felt too.

To be honest, I don't see the

To be honest, I don't see the big deal of letting SS go to the wedding. MIL practically raised the kid until you came along, so she's obviously trustworthy. They are offering to pay for everything, so what if he misses one day of school? I am the biggest stickler pants about missing school, but even I would allow my BS7 to miss one day for something like this. You have the next 12 years to spend "together the three of you" at your new house. This is just petty to me.

SS8 does not want to go to

SS8 does not want to go to the wedding so why pull him out of school to go do something he does not want to do?

I think it was petty of her to bring it up again after everyone sat around a table I was there and agreed this was the plan.

Again is it not what I want,

Again is it not what I want, it is what my SO and his son want.

come on girl! If your SO

come on girl! If your SO changed his mind next week and told MIL that SS could go you would flip your proverbial shit and you know it!

No I wouldn't. This is not my

No I wouldn't. This is not my decision, I do not live there, it is not my house, not my place and not my kid. The only thing that I was upset about was the grandmother trying to get her way by using the 8 year old boy. I did not say anything to her when that happened I simply left.

A while ago I commented that

A while ago I commented that someone is having adult conversations with or in front of this child (this was in reference to his aunt's drinking). Guess we know who it is now.

I think you're doing the right thing by staying out of it. It doesn't really effect you one way or the other, right? And the next time she tries to drag you in to an argument, just refuse to participate.

I am just mainly sad and

I am just mainly sad and upset that I will not be able to spend much time with my SO and his son over the next two months. I do not want to risk having SS8 put in that situation again, and I will wait until we are all moved in.

But.. But... I thought it was

But.. But... I thought it was about going on the trip and had nothing really to do with you. You just got hauled into it against your will.

If she is doing this.. whether you are there or not it will happen to the kid right? Mom will not stop waging the campaign to get SS8 on that plane with her. Why would it stop if you aren't there?

Ohhhhhhh I understand, she only brings it up when you are there because she knows you are trying to edge out the family so it is a power struggle with YOU and has little to do with SO (or really the child) at all.

You proved a point kinda,

You proved a point kinda, take me away it will stop. I am not edging anyone out. I am just sticking with what SO wants.

Actually, you saying it will

Actually, you saying it will stop if you aren't there means that somehow you are the catalyst.

The issue is not that your SO is trying to parent.. it's that you are getting involved in his affairs.

If MIL wants kid on trip.. won't she still be pulling this crap with your SO and the child even if you aren't there?

Your absence wouldn't solve anything besides sparing YOU the uncomfortable feeling when she addresses these questions to you. Which to be honest, you should try to get comfortable with deflecting any and all issues to the FATHER... you can excuse yourself to the bathroom or whatever and let HIM sit in the stink of uncomfortable silence when he won't answer mommy.

Maybe you are right I am just

Maybe you are right I am just trying to avoid the uncomfortable of all this.

Given the fact that it seems

Given the fact that it seems like MIL is going to be moving soon, I can understand why you might avoid it.

I would caveat this with the fact that if you remain with this man, she WILL be in your life for a likely long time in the foreseeable future. For this reason, I wouldn't want to leave things resting with the opinion that you either don't like her or are trying to push or limit her involvement with her grandchild.

It really doesn't matter what you mean to do, but her perception is key.

For this reason, I might suggest that you encourage your SO to allow his son to go on this family trip. He can even let GM know that you encouraged it.. even though HE wasn't as for it originally.

I know people will say that you are rewarding her bad behavior, but honestly part of the reason the boy was in the middle was because you were talking about grandma where he could hear you... so it's possible grandma may not have said as much if not confronted by him. Sometimes the high road.. especially with people that you don't have to see every day.. is preferable to creating ill will.

Explain to me why SS does not

Explain to me why SS does not want to go? Why would an 8 year old now want to fly on a plane and go have fun somewhere he's never been with family that he has been raised by?

Because he wants to spend the weekend in your new house??.. a house that will still be there when he gets back, that will still be there 2 years from now, 10 years from now?? YOU determined he didn't want to go because that's how you roll. YOU have to be in control of your SO and SS at all times.

I love how you just happened to need something upstairs right after you heard MIL call SS into her room. That reeks of "control" You HAD to know what she was saying to him.

SS8 likes to stay home, he is

SS8 likes to stay home, he is just that kind of kid. He really does not like going places much, yeah he will go to FL for a week because he loves the beach and the ocean with his grandparents. I did not determine anything I stuck by what my SO wanted and that was it.

I am sorry but I think his actual parent has final say in where his kid goes or does not go. I did not make this decision at all, I decided I was not going since I do not know these people, do not have money to go and do not want to use vacation time, especially since I have out of town relatives coming to visit this year.

So MIL brought it up again

MIL directed all the questions to you, because she knows that you are the one in control. Your SO sat there the whole time and never made a peep.... even at the end, when you ASKED him what he thought... nope, not a peep. I don't know you, I don't know your SO and I don't know your MIL, but this speaks volumes to me that YOU are the one controlling what happens.

And obviously you don't care what I think or observe, I'm just trying to suggest that maybe you should tone it down a notch?

No i can tell you she

No i can tell you she directed it towards me to get her way and she thought I would convince my SO to change his mind. I have seen her play this game before but it never involved the kid before. This was the first time she involved me in this.

Your future MIL is showing

Your future MIL is showing you who she is... how are you going to deal with her moving forward and for the rest of your life?

I have no clue. She is moving

I have no clue. She is moving to FL in a few months so that will make things better hopefully. The Aunt that I was getting frustrated with has been really super great lately and I know she has mentioned things to her mom. I do not know what the future holds.

I don't know why you engaged

I don't know why you engaged with her at ALL on this. Where was your SO when this was all happening and WHY on EARTH if he was there did you take it upon yourself to explain his decision.

Stop doing that.

Next time, if she asks a question when he is there TO you about HIS child, you turn to SO and say "Honey, what was that you said about XY or Z?".

If he isn't there... just say I don't know you have to ask SO.

I don't care if she directs the questions to you or not. She is doing this because she perceives YOU as the one making these decisions.. you need to show her (by not knowing what to respond) that is not the case.

Oh..Yeah.. I think the kid should be allowed/encouraged to go with grandma to the wedding at her expense. I can't believe the kid doesn't want to go unless his head has been filled with negatives by you or his dad.

I agree I should have just

I agree I should have just referred to my SO or walked away. I am not in control here my SO the weekend before made the decision in front of everyone not me. I just said I can not go last weekend.

I am not a person to ever say bad things or fill a kids head. He just does not want to go and neither does his dad. His dad wants him to be in school, his son has no idea who this person is that is getting married and it is a cousin that my SO is not even close to.

You are getting into this

You are getting into this because you can't "keep your mouth shut"... seriously.. it is not your place or responsibility to explain her son's decisions with regard to HIS son.

He tells her the decision and he tells her the whys and responds to her justifications.

You? You sit there and each and every time, you turn to your SO with that expectant look waiting for HIS response.

His mom has it figured out that YOU are the one that is trying to squeeze out his family from the child's life. From your posts on here.. you clearly resent both his mother and his sister's involvement. Bottom line is that they are the ones who raised this child.. not so much your SO.

You need to make it very clear that all decisions are your SO's.. and you do that by not offering up responses in situations like this and make it clear to SO that he not use YOUR name in saying things like "Well, AshMarie thinks that it would be better if the boy doesn't miss class etc.."

SO never uses my name. I

SO never uses my name. I usually do what you say, I got caught off guard this weekend and simply should have just sat there.

I am not trying to squeeze anyone out. Can everyone stop saying that, his sister and I are are getting along really well lately, we were all going for a walk last weekend and his sister was there so I told her she should come along and we talked.

My SO is the one that is doing more of the pushing out because he is tired of living with his parents and as of late tired of dealing with when he says he does not want his son to do something or have something his parents do the opposite. I remind him in private that those are his parents and they raised him and helped him out a lot and to be patient and more understanding that every single person in that house is going through a huge change right now.

I vent on here plenty but I usually try to make him see reason. I also respect his decisions and will not try to change his mind. It is his son.

She does not foot the bill

She does not foot the bill for everything, by the way, I lived at my parents house rent free when I was his age too. They wanted to help me get on my feet after I got a new job.

FYI, he was suppose to pay rent and bills and contribute to the house but when the decided to move to FL and knew we were moving in together they told him to stop paying. Oh also she said there her and her husband can stay with us all summer to take care for their grandson to save us money in our new place. Opinions on that?

I did say no, sorry do not

I did say no, sorry do not want my future in-laws moving in at the very beginning no thanks. Pretty sure you wouldn't. Who are the moochers mooching?

My Inlaws used to come stay

My Inlaws used to come stay for a month every winter. I was horrible. Especially because we were newly married and his momma couldn't understand my house my rules. Her interference was part of the reason we divorced.

Thank You

If SS doesn't want to go then

If SS doesn't want to go then why did you make it a school and money issue?

I'd let him go. And if he goes, hopefully your SO will gingerly approach his mom to lay off the emotional grape juice. This child is being exposed to all sorts of adulting problems.

She did not except that SS8

She did not except that SS8 did not want to go. If my SO let's him go great not my decision. I agree he is being exposed to all kinds of adulting problem so I left early and decided in order to keep the adulting problems to a minimum I will be staying home a lot more from now on. I will not be going up there as much. I do not want to be put in the middle or be the cause for problems. I am stepping way back.

She did not except (btw it's

She did not except (btw it's ACCEPT) that SS8 did not want to go.

BECAUSE NOBODY EVER TOLD HER SS8 DIDN'T WANT TO GO!!!!!!!! GAHAHAH?#$%@^$&#%

You all told her that YOU and SO didn't want to go, because you didn't want to drive, SS8 gets sick in the car, you didn't have the money to buy plane tickets and you didn't want SS to miss school.

So grandma did what ANY involved grandma would have done... tried to solve all your problems.... OK, so Grandma will buy plane ticket and SS will only miss one day of school you two don't have to go.. problems solved. But nope. NOW, supposedly SS is the one who doesn't want to go. Again, if that was the case would it have been so difficult for your SO to tell grandma that to begin with?????????? It would go a little something like this: "Thanks for the offer mom, but SS doesn't really want to go on the trip"

Because SS not wanting to go is NOT the real reason...it's because YOU didn't want anyone to go. YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU

It was said the weekend

It was said the weekend before. SS8 has said out loud in front of everyone he does not want to go, he wants to stay home. It was literally all settled last weekend. I do not care if he goes. How many times do I have to say I will go by what my SO wants.

His mom did not ACCEPT the original plan, even when SS8 said he did not want to go. So she tried a different way of getting what she wanted.

The kid does not want to go.

The kid does not want to go. My SO does not want his kid to go.

He screwed up in the

He screwed up in the beginning but his mom and his sis did not do everything. He also raised with his kid it was a group effort. His dad did more than his mom and sis.

Well I obviously am the bad

Well I obviously am the bad person here in all of this, apparently my SO is the biggest piece of shit in the world. The Grandmother is the best person in the world and amazing even though she is the one who tried to get her way by using her grandson.

You are all correct that I am the one in the wrong, because I am human and lost my ability to keep my mouth shut and when I got it back I just left instead. I was so wrong in all of this.

My SO is horrible because he is buying a house, moving his son to a better school, going on interviews to get a better job, went to tour childcare facilities on his own to find one for his son, saved money instead of wasting it, is creating a better relationship with his sister (she even thinks so). You are all so correct my SO is the scum of the world. Calls when his on the road for work, video chats with his son, does homework with him, takes him to all his sporting events, he is the one that lays out the punishment when the kid has done something wrong, teaches him to play baseball, nope you are so right it is absolutely the wort man ever in this world. Totally right he is not a parent at all, when he gets up in the middle of the night and cover him with a blanket because he kick off all blankets but cold to the touch nope he is a scum bag.

WOW, you need to get educated

WOW, you need to get educated on rules for buying a home. You still can buy a house if you have good credit and enough money down and you switching jobs but still doing the same thing and have a letter from new employer you are good. Talk to a mortgage person.

Have you noticed I stated a set move in date, he has a job currently one he has been at for several years.

Granny, I was just thinking

Granny, I was just thinking the same thing. :?

I don't know anything about

I don't know anything about OP beyond what is written here. That being said, I also found it odd that a grown woman was crying because a 8yr old cannot attend his cousin's wedding. :? It has to be much more than just the wedding.

His mother wanted the dog

His mother wanted the dog too, she even commented on getting another one. They can not have them where they are moving to in FL. If she did that she would end up dumping a dog on my SO and me.

Is it really his fault that she had several glasses of wine that night, he said no and she cried that was it. Oh this is the same women who that night at all the leftover the in the fridge, one thing was mine in a nice plastic container you know the Bento ones and it ended up in the garbage that night. That was great.

I am stepping away and staying home and removing myself right now because I do not want this to continue. Yup I am controlling.

His dad is there and not

His dad is there and not drunk. His dad does not drink much like a lite beer or two at night. I can promise you after this weekend my butt is home and there very little anymore. I have more than learned lesson after this weekend. This time she actually involved me and got me to engage. I should not have, I know that now.

My SO actually says she never use to drink. I honestly think she like her daughter started drinking a lot more because she is having a hard time dealing with all the changes instead of admitting it she is drinking. The aunt honestly, I took advice on here and worked on trying to build a relationship with her as well. Her and I are getting along really well.

So even said her drinking is gotten like so much less and will start letting his son spend night there here again soon.

He has had his son since he

He has had his son since he was only like two months old.

Thank You, I get what you are

Thank You, I get what you are saying about letting him go.

Unfortunately there are reasons for my SO saying no besides his son not wanting to go. They are very legit valid reasons. If I thought my SO was saying no to just have control and prove a point, I would in private with my SO try to get him to change his mind. He will not.

His mom is not the primary

His mom is not the primary caregiver, never has been. When SS8 was little, a baby SO took him to daycare during the day. His mom worked, his dad retired and was the one who really helped out the most.

The reasons are valid.

When he is away Granpa gets

When he is away Granpa gets him up and takes him to school always has, his dad also feeds him and gets him ready, he grandpa has done way more. I think she puts him to bed.

You are right she did plenty out of love for her grandchild and her own son. I am no where denying that and neither is he.

Ever since she retired she has been very different, everyone says it. I do not comment on that stuff. I really should have just walked away this weekend I know that now.

His dad is perfectly fine

His dad is perfectly fine still and is always there. They get plenty of time with the grandson as they all still live under the same roof.

I do get being very attached to family and growing up with them and completely changing things. My mother did it to me after living in the same house for 16 years, having the same friends, and I was very very close to my aunt. Yeah I do get it I understand it way more than you think.

It is not hard to do. Again I

It is not hard to do. Again I am not the one making this decision. It is not my call I am not his parent and I really do not want to go against my SO and tell him how to parent. I am out of it at this point. I am just going to keep my distance until we all move in to the house.

Ok I will stop when you stop.

Ok I will stop when you stop. Pretty sure you have posted to just vent.

"Sorry for the long rant and this is just me getting it off my chest really."

I said that in the beginning.

Oh lord, first auntie's a

Oh lord, first auntie's a drunk and now grandma has dementia? What's going to be grandpa's diagnosis when you have a run-in with him?

Never said dementia, just

Never said dementia, just said different. That was my SO, his sister and his dad all saying that.

If FIL is going to the

If FIL is going to the wedding too then what is the problem? The kid will be with his regular caretaker and you and your SO get a long weekend to yourselves which is really helpful when you're preparing to move. As far as the kid not wanting to go I have two 8 year olds myself (SS and DD) and 9 times out of 10 "I don't want to go" is just their default answer when they don't have enough information to decide if something sounds fun and worthwhile or not. They really start thinking for themselves but at the same time can still be heavily swayed by the way a grown-up presents something.

I think the biggest issue is

I think the biggest issue is that everything was settled a week ago and decided. She did not like it and tried to play me to get what she wanted and when that did not work she used her grandson. Even after she tried and he went running to me and his dad to tell us what she said. He felt bad she was crying but still did not want to go. Now SO is not happy, if his son really wanted to go and asked him to go I think my SO would cave and say yes.

As of now he is leaving it where it is because he is upset that his mom played games. I am out of it and keeping my distance.

From the way I read it it was

From the way I read it it was decided a week ago that all three of y'all wouldn't be going bc of money and general lack of interest but the offer to take the kid by themselves and pay for it was a new development. I don't see the problem in bringing something up again if it's an alternative to what was already discussed. It's not like it's extremely last minute, May is still a ways away. I think this has gone from missing school, to grandma's "not the same," to now it's about principle and not letting someone play mind games, when in reality the whole thing boils down to your SO not seeing the value in making this trip for himself so by extension his child shouldn't go either. But what about the value in making his mom happy, making the trip better for her, allowing her to proudly show off her grandson to these distant relatives,etc?

A week ago it was just

A week ago it was just decided, because my SO and I could not go and his son really did not want to go. I agree no it is not last minute and at this point it probably is principle. Why is this all about her, isn't the most important person in this the son. If he does not want to go and he does not have to miss school why make him just to make a grown woman happy and not cry. My SO literally can not go to the wedding because he has to save his vacation days for later in the year, also because of moving, buying a house. Now in the future guess who has to burn a vacation day when his son is sick and can not go to school, him. He is making sure he has enough for all that.

You said the reason you were

You said the reason you were mad at your MIL is that she was putting a child in the middle of an adult decision. How is it an adult decision but also the child's choice if they want to go or not?

All I can say is that y'all are going to be missing a golden opportunity to have some alone time in your new home together. Once the grandparents move away they're gone. Nobody is coming back from Florida to give y'all a break and lets be honest, your SO is really used to those breaks.

I know we will need them.

I know we will need them. Hopefully we will figure them out. My parents live close and his sister and everything is good now I know she will start asking to take him again for a night here and there. I hope we will be ok and I really hope they come up to visit often for like a week at our place and the rest at the sisters. LOL plus we really wont have room. It is a small house.

AshMar, I've read through all

AshMar, I've read through all the replies and can see many good points from many different perspectives and I don't have much to add except for this.

My girls are adults now, one completely launched and the other on her way- slowly...very slowly. Lol.

There are some choices I made that I thought were right at the time. Now that I look back I see that I made a lot of my decisions based on fear. These decisions have affected my children and I see now that I imposed a lot of those fears and attitudes on my kids. I deeply regret some of those things while also understanding that I did what I thought was right at the time, with the information that I had.

There's something about this situation with the wedding that reminds me of myself and I hope I can find the words to explain.

For many reasons, some very valid, I was a fearful parent who trusted no one with my kids. I never allowed my children to go anywhere without me because I was afraid that something would happen and I wouldn't be there to control the situation.

Unfortunately for me I have no family on my side that I've had anything to do with it other than phone calls for my entire adult life. This wasn't a selfish choice on my part, it was the only option I saw at the time. Long story but I joined the military at 18, entered at 19 and I haven't been back since. I lost the little place I had in my broken family basically and didn't feel like I could go back.

I entered my marriage not really understanding how families worked. At all. My husband on the other hand has been always close to his family.

There were many invitations over the years for my girls to spend time with his family without my husband or I there to hover. Weddings, reunions, various get togethers. I absolutely would not even consider sending my kids anywhere without me or their dad. It never happened with the exception of me sending them for 10 days one summer to stay with my adult SD who I did trust because I raised her partially and I knew how she lived. By that time they were in their teens though and pretty self sufficient.

Well how did that all work out for them now that it's all said and done? Well they're not very close with their cousins. In fact they are not very close with my husband's extended family. They missed out on A LOT! They missed just running around with their cousins playing, mingling with the family members that they don't normally see etc. They're cordial now and building an adult relationship through Facebook etc. but they're just not very close because they didn't actually spend physical time together very much .

It's sad to me that I basically created the same dynamic that I grew up with. It weighs heavily on me now and there's not much I can do about it now.

Is it possible that your future stepson is saying that he doesn't want to go because he's picking up on the attitudes of you and your fiancé? Kids want to please their parents. Yes, my kids did pick up on my attitude toward other people. If they thought mom didn't want them to go, then they didn't want to go. If they were aware that mom or dad had a certain attitude about a family member, then they would adopt that attitude themselves.

It seems like it's all well and good now, but 10 years from now, things like this have a habit of coming back and biting you in the butt. I know that you're not the parent but it's obvious that you're involved with the decision-making with this child. I'm not knocking it, when I was a active stepmother and my step daughter was in my home, I played the role of mother and was involved in any decisions that involved her. That's what worked for us at the time and things like disengagement never even crossed my mind. There was no place like Steptalk back then, and I personally had struggled with my place in my family with a stepmother so I swore to myself I would never make my stepdaughter feel unwelcome. I didn't do that perfectly either though and we're not as close now that she's a adult. Not what I expected would happen but it did.

Good luck and I wish you the best as you go forward with your new life.

Thank you for your story.

Thank you for your story. Thank you for kind words.

I agree well said. Thank you

I agree well said. Thank you for some honest insight and a different perspective.

My SO is the one that is

My SO is the one that is doing more of the pushing out because he is tired of living with his parents
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Wait WTF? The parents that are giving him a place to live and help him raise his kid? The parents that have had his back for YEARS?
Your SO sounds like a dick and he is so blinded by love that he is going to lose the best support system he has. I feel really bad for his parents.

You were the one arguing with his mom. You are the one that got SS involved in that whole mess in the first place. There sure is a lot of "over hearing" going on in that house.

I really have no advice because your DH is the one who needs it.

I have talked to my SO in

I have talked to my SO in private, that is why his working on a better relationship with his sister. He is in love with me, that is not so horrible. They started all this when they came home from being in FL and said hey we bought a house in FL and selling this one. Yes pointing fingers but my SO and I did not decide to live together until we were put in a position of having to make a decision about what the next step would be.

Yeah I argued a little but it was really not that bad.

Why not just send the kid bc

Why not just send the kid bc it'll make grandma happy, especially considering all the many many things she has done for her son and grandson over the years? His nice traveling job? Would never have happened without grandma and grandpa being available to pick up the slack. The grandparents have saved him countless thousands of dollars and he's going to arbitrarily say no to kid missing one day of school bc he has his girlfriend in the background puffing him up? Ridiculous. I'm sure grandma is way too nice to do so but how sweet would it be to see her hand him a bill for all the child care she is going to provide between now and the move date.

Thank you, I am glad you

Thank you, I am glad you commented. It has been really hard lately. They are great grandparents and have done a lot for him and his son these last 8 years.

I think at this point I am best to just stay out of it. Keep my distance for a while.

Thank you Granny Goose!

Agree I need to step back.

Agree I need to step back. She directed it to me to change my SO's mind. She has pulled this before when my SO had said no to her when she asked if SS8 could spend the night at the aunts after it was already decided he was to come home. She asked my SO again, he said no again he wanted his son home. She than texted her husband that my SO would not let this happen. This was all done via text and the original decision was made when I was not even around. DO not ask me why she does this.

You are going to be a full

You are going to be a full time step mom. Full time includes both weekdays and weekends. You have a chance for a child free weekend. Grab it. Pack the kid's suitcase and drop him and the grandparents off at the airport. Opportunities first kid free weekends can be hard to find. This may be your last child free weekend for a long time.

I agree they will be rare and

I agree they will be rare and hard to find. As of right now I enjoy spending time with my SO and his son. The grandparents are not flying they are driving so he would have to travel with his aunt.

What about the Aunt simply

What about the Aunt simply said he would have to fly with her, that is it. Pretty sure I have said the Aunt thing is all good now him going with her is not the issue at all. You are just trying to be dramatic.

Wasn't the aunt a drunk a few

Wasn't the aunt a drunk a few weeks ago?????

The aunt is drunk when it

The aunt is drunk when it suits her storyline. Otherwise aunt has raised this boy like a mother and OP feels threatened by her and doesn't want the stepson spending time with her.

Yeah she really was. SO

Yeah she really was. SO talked to her and that seemed to ignite the start of a better relationship with her and she had really cut back on the drinking in the last two months. Things are a lot better with her and I took advice from here an really tried to understand what she is going through told my SO and he talked to her telling her he appreciated everything she has done and still wants her to be in his sons life. There was more but since that things have really started getting better.

Thank you to everyone on

Thank you to everyone on here, who gave stories about their experiences and were really nice and gave honest opinions and good advice. I really need to just get this off my chest, and it makes me feel a little beat down when a few of you on here once again attacked my SO, when the core of the post was not about him. It was about his mother using the grandson to get what she wanted. I just thought that was wrong and needed to get it off my chest.

I wish many of you on here could see what I see when I look at my situation. To me here is a man, is far from prefect and has made many mistakes in the beginning of raising a child but so have so many other young parents. He is really good to me and all my family, and even my closest friends like him and are happy for us. I see this little boy who is really great, a handful at times but so sweet and really embraced me. I think it is because he sees his dad happy and laughing more, he has never known what it is like to have a dad and a mom and see all his friends have this and goes to school and hears his friends mention their mom and talk about it. He has never had that his whole life.

Why is it some posters on here cannot simply see that I met a man that I am truly grateful for and slowly creating a bond with his son and hope to one day treat him as he were my own since he has never known what it is like to have a “mom”. I am simply doing my best and vent on here to keep my sanity and gain perspective. I will still continue to post and comment on other peoples and not let those who are so harsh to the point it is mean keep me from still seeking advice as I am trying here to simply be a good person for SO and also be a good person for his son.

Again Thank You to all you gave constructive helpful responses.

Thank You!

Yeah, I just read this whole

Yeah, I just read this whole thread and I certainly didn't get a 'savior complex' situation from it. It only seems that Ash really cares and wants to do the right thing.

Thank you! I do understand

Thank you! I do understand what you are saying about him going I appreciate the feedback.

OK. WOW you really paint a

OK. WOW you really paint a picture of my life and do not even know me. You make it seem like some uneducated, backwoods, person using a man to get out of her horrible life. Maybe that is you, I do not pass judgement "unlike some on here".

BM gave up the son after two months and cheated on my SO while pregnant and I did not hear that just from him. She was on drugs at one point and from what I know the only court date he ever had with her he had to go pick her up so she could make it. He legally has full custody of his son and she only has supervised visitation which she has not used in 4 going on 5 years. She was 18 young and possibly not ready I have no idea, I do not pass judegement on her.

I am 31 with two degrees and minor from college have a good job and a very happy individual and still have so many goals in my life to this day. I am not some girl looking for the typical 50's housewife. According to you I am, you do not even know me you are seriously judgemental.

You are so right it is perfect timing that my SO planned to be a groomsman in my cousins wedding, meet me than and 7 months later meet me again to jsut start a relationship. All this before his mom's place of work got bought out and she took the buy out. He planned meeting me almost a year before his parents bought a place becuase he knew that he just needed a full time nanny. Yup just so convenient for him.

You really need to read more to know what you are talking aboout. I have no idea what your life is like and not draw conclusions from what you post as I am wise enough to know that people on here do not divulge every little detail of thier lives and relationships. If you would have read you would have seen that she did not stay around since the son was an infant.

I think you're reading too

I think you're reading too much into things. This child is going to be living with her soon and I only get the impression that she cares. Maybe I'm naive. ?

I'm just not comfortable making definitive statements about someone/something that I don't have all of the details about.

Thank You for your post.

Who wouldn't want to save a

Who wouldn't want to save a child from a mommyless existence? lol to be honest it breaks my heart everytime my stepdaughters mom bails on her or makes it clear how much she doesn't really care. Yeah, you can remind yourself that it's not your problem and it's not your kid but in the end, if you have a heart, you want to help that kid feel like they deserve a mom, even if you're not their bio mom!

I was so hoping to see a

I was so hoping to see a comment from you I read a lot of your posts. Thank you so much I really like some things you say and post.

Ashmar... this is what I read

Ashmar... this is what I read from your post.... correct me if I'm wrong.

MIL wants SS to go out of state to a wedding, SS does not want to go, MIL keeps on pushing the bucket after you and SO decided the 3 of you are not going... MIL still keeps at you to allow SS to go...

Now this is what will happen.... SS will tell MIL, Gran I don't want to go I like staying at home but thank you for asking. SO should open his mouth and tell his Mum... enough, thank you for your help so far, but I am the father after all and my word is final, stop telling my son I am mean to you...
You on the other hand will only reply to MIL - talk to SO about it, and then change the subject..... if she keeps on with the story, politely excuse yourself from the room...

Thank you. Comes up again

Thank you. Comes up again that is what I will do.

You are here

it was a very LONG weekend and INTERESTING!

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