What would you do if your skid was allergic to your animal?
I have been wondering this and I am sure it has been discussed here. If you knew that your SO's kid was allergic to your animal/pets what would you do, especially if you are moving livign together? Would you keep them, find a home for them? Would it make a difference if the skid lived with you 24/7?
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I wouldn't get rid of a pet
I wouldn't get rid of a pet for a skid. I would just not move in with my SO until the skid was out of the house or until the pet died.
My furbabies are super
My furbabies are super important to me. Two male cats almost 5 and almost 3. Had both since they were like 5 and 7 months old.
Fur babies come first for me,
Fur babies come first for me, too. They're loyal, loving, devoted, and don't sh!t where they eat.
You don't move into someplace
You don't move into someplace with an animal, knowing that a person in that house is allergic. I agree with SM12. Live apart.
I would never get rid of my animal for SS. I also would never move in an animal, that I would KNOW makes SS (or anyone that lives there) sick.
There's medicine for that. I
There's medicine for that. I don't know why it would be an issue. I'm allergic to grass, dust, mold, pollen, dogs, cats and a whole plethora of other things that I tested positive for. Doesn't mean I never go outside, never dust my house etc. and we have a dog and 4 cats. I take allergy medicine and it's all good.
I would NEVER give up my
I would NEVER give up my furbabies. Like a bioparent and skids, my furbabies and I are a PACKAGE DEAL.
My DH is allergic to cats. He NEVER considered asking me to give up my kitties. He took allergy meds when it got to be too much.
Solutions:
A) Don't move in with your SO while you have furbabies.
Skids can take allergy meds.
c) Buy a duplex. You live in one half with your precious furbabies. SO can live in the other half when the skids visit.
I am thinking B will be the
I am thinking B will be the solution though C sounds kinda sweet too. My SO has skid 24/7.
But you are an adult DD. I
But you are an adult DD. I would not dope up my kid because a step parent wanted to move in an animal that made my kid sick. Nor would I have moved in an animal that made SS sick, then demand DH put his kid on drugs to cope with my animal. Nope, no way.
No sense in doping up a kid if not actually necessary.
Lol…hit a nerve there monkey?
Lol…hit a nerve there monkey? OP asked and I answered.
I would not get rid of my animal but I would still not medicate, (is that a better word for you?) my young kid or skid just because I wanted to move in with a man.
Idk my brother was allergic
Idk my brother was allergic to our dog growing up and several other things. He took allergy shots all the time when we were kids and we had the dog for 13 years. Also we are moving into a place together. I am not moving into his place he is not moving into mine we are getting a place that will be new for everyone.
Good idea to get a place
Good idea to get a place together and not moving into one or the others previous house!
Is your SO ok with putting his kids on the meds? If he is ok, then that is good.
I could not/would not get rid of my animals for skids.
I vote for a duplex.
I vote for a duplex.
He is taking him to an
He is taking him to an allergist to confirm for sure. His son during the spring time is on allergy meds already because the doctor recommended it this past year because his allergies were pretty bad.
If it is a pill I think he is good with it. Just not sure if he would be ok with shots if that is what it would come down to? I have heard that the shots can help you build up a tolerance over time. I think they did with my brother when we were kids eventually he stopped taking them. Still had the dog too. Maybe he just grew out of them. I am not sure.
You are an adult though LF.
You are an adult though LF. I would not feel comfortable putting my children on medication for something that I could control.
Could you imagine putting BF on allergy meds if he was allergic to a skids animal? Putting young kids on meds like that just does not sit right with me.
The pet stays. If SO and SK
The pet stays. If SO and SK can't adjust living separately is viable option.
If the pet was mine alone and
If the pet was mine alone and not bonded to my kids, I'd be willing to rehome my pet for the sake of a child with allergies if needed. It also depends on the severity of the allergy. My brother is allergic to cats, but we had cats growing up because his allergy was mild and as long as the cat stayed out of his room he was fine. My cousin is violently allergic to cats. Even being in our house for 15 minutes when we had a cat was too much. Allergy meds helped her, but not fully.
It would be a long discussion on what's best for everyone, including the pet.
What if the pet was really
What if the pet was really bonded to you and knew that. I mean like will not eat a lot of food when you are not there for two nights. Will shed hair because it is really stressed out from you leaving. Would you than get rid of your animal than? Just a question no harm by this.
That's part of the discussion
That's part of the discussion I mention that included what was best for everyone. I left my cat, whom I adored, with my parents when DH & I got married because she'd bonded to my dad. I think that when you take on care of a pet, you owe it to the animal to do what is best for that animal.
If there was an extreme allergy and the animal was bonded to the extent you say, I'd probably say no to living together.
If the skid was older or my
If the skid was older or my cats were older I would probably hold off on living together. His son is only 8 and my youngest cat is going on 3. We still do not know to what extreme and we also think he my only be allergic to the one. His one friend has cats and he has been over there many time and no problem. Well they got a new one because one passed away and he started having some issue SO took him some allergy meds and he was fine. The new cat had the same kind of fur that my youngest cats has.
Well Ash, then you have a
Well Ash, then you have a decision to make. Which is more important to you, keeping your cat or being able to move in with your SO (assuming SS8's allergies are too severe to live with your cat)? IMHO it would be easier for your cat to adjust to a new home now than 2, 3, 4 years down the line if you two decide you are tired of living apart.
BTW, for everyone insisting on allergy shots - they aren't always enough. SIL is allergic to hay and horses. She gets allergy shots because she loves the horses (and MIL said she will not get rid of her babies for a full-grown adult.) She still needs to wear a mask in the barn and shower immediately afterward or she ends up at urgent care for treatment. My cousin is terribly allergic to cats. He takes daily allergy medication and still can only bear my grandma's house for about 30 minutes before he needs to go outside. I do also know people for whom allergy shots are fully effective, so if your SO and SS8 are open to that option, don't discount it. And yes, I think that the 8yo should be part of the discussion as to whether he gets the allergy shots. You'll have one hell of a resentful boy if he doesn't want them and you force him because your cat is more important. (While we adults know that SO is really the one making the final call, does anyone doubt it would become SM's fault?) Plus if he's involved you can point out that allergy shots will help him at his friend's house also.
I think a lot depends on how severe the allergy is, how your SO/SS8 feel about allergy meds, and how sure you are that this relationship is going to last. I'm not trying to be harsh with that last statement. I don't know your backstory, but you aren't currently married (based on SO not DH), and everyone on this board knows how hard stepfamilies are. I'd hate for you to rehome your cat for SS's sake only for the relationship to fail. If you are both committed, wedding or not, then make the hard choice appropriately whether it be allergy medication or rehoming.
Hey Peridwen thank you good
Hey Peridwen thank you good advice. SS8 is super involved in the conversation. He knows everything that is going on that my SO is taking him to an allergist next month. This weekend it came up a little and SS8 said he likes shots they do not bother him, and in the last few months he has asked on several occasions if cats could sleep with him.
I simple said well if you are allergic I do not think that will be a good idea, also they are already use to sleeping with me all the time so I am not sure they will stop doing that. You can play with them. My SO and I did talk about what if he is at a friends house, if he is allergic you can keep him from friends all the time that is really hard to do because a ton of people have animals.
Currently no we are not married but we have discussed marriage and what the future holds, we are both on the same page that we are committed to this relationship. We will be moving in together and to help reduce alot of trigger for allergies there will be no carpet in the house which I know helps, no cats in his room, and I will be the one cleaning them and taking care of them. I really think it will be ok. Last time he was at my place he was in my home for about 10 minutes, petted the one cat and played with him for like a minute. Washed his hands when he was done and he was fine. I do no think it is severe and I know he has been at friends houses who have cats and sometimes never had a reaction. I really think it is the one cat that bothers him.
I'm positive I'm allergic to
I'm positive I'm allergic to PigPen and PrincASS. Wine is my allergy med...
Nope. Here's why. Before SO
Nope. Here's why.
Before SO moved in with me skids had all the symptoms of seasonal allergies. Itchy watery eyes,sneezing hacking,runny nose. You name it. I made the comment about possible allergies. I was flipped on. The skids had summer colds not allergies as No one in BM'S family has allergies.
After SO moved in with me,BM claimed skid were allergic to my cat and I was supposed to get rid of her. I had my cat for years. She's my baby.
Also. BM claimed skids were
Also. BM claimed skids were allergic to only my cat no other cat!.......
The skid would be taking an
The skid would be taking an antihistamine when at my house. I would not get rid of one of my dogs for a skid.
That would be me! Sd is
That would be me! Sd is allergic to my bs dog and she had her visits at dhs parents house. Now she takes allergy meds and moved in with us.
I remember reading your blog
I remember reading your blog about that. My SO has a dog a big one that is not even 2 yet. When we saw signs of an allergy it was an issue at one point. I told him look my cats are going no where they are my family. The one is super attached to me. Later I said fine they can go if your dog goes too. My SO was not ok with that and that is when he changed is attitude towards lets find a solution that will work for everyone.
I was really just curious of opinions. I know my SO's family leans more towards find a home for them or make them outside cats.
I would not even consider
I would not even consider putting my kid on meds in this situation.
My SO would have to get rid of the animal(nope, I am not an animal lover) or we would have to live separately.
Re-home the skid
Re-home the skid
Later I said fine they can go
Later I said fine they can go if your dog goes too. My SO was not ok with that and that is when he changed is attitude
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
:jawdrop:
I would have a serious issue with this.
Why would you have an issue
Why would you have an issue with this? At first he said I would probably have to get rid of my animals and I said well than I will stay living in my apartment and will not live together. He thought that was ridiculous since we live an hour apart and so I said ok my animals go so do yours. I honestly would not be able to look at his dog without resentment. That maybe childish but I do not want a dog to begin with.
I like dogs just do not want one as I feel bad when they are left home for too long and/or crated for long hours. I work 8 to 5 so a dog is not good with my schedule at least for me.
I have an issue with it
I have an issue with it because your SO sounds kind of like a jerk. He is fine and dandy to have you give up your babies but he won't give up his?!
What else will he expect from you, but not himself? Just something to think about before moving in.
Oh ok got it now. At first he
Oh ok got it now. At first he was but now he really feels that no one should have to give up their animals. I will say he can not stand my cats. He hates that they jump up on the counter and will not listen to him to get down. They listen to me. I just say well when we live together you can nudge them of or give them a soft push. He just says you have to train them....HAHAHAHAHAHHA I laugh when he says this. I have tried my cats do listen and they are very well behaved but anyone who has a cat knows they will still go where they want and do what they want. I have two.
I agree my furbabies rule
I agree my furbabies rule they bring me tons of joy and love everyday. Most morning the oldest wakes me up 5 minutes before the alarm with a big loud meow and jumps up and sits on me and kneads on my stomach and purrs so hard it can vibrate the bed. He is the best.
Again they are not raising
Again they are not raising his kid, he is raising his kid and they are helping. His mom also wanted the dog not just my SO and I already told him he was stupid for getting that dog, a 90lb boxer. No his parent surprisingly can not take it because there home in FL does not allow animals in the community. Yup stuck with it and everyone knows I do not want it.
SO sent out several applications and already had an interview so he is really trying to find a job where he is home all the time. I told him that is your dog not mine, I do not expect you to take care of my animals so do not expect me to take care of yours. I will let the dog in and out when he needs to and feed him if you are at work. I will not scoop poop you and SS8 will be responsible for that and for making sure he get enough exercise. I think that is fair.
Yes I have considered alot about this relationship. The drama has really let up. This weekend I was up there and so was his sister all weekend and she really did not drink that much at all and things were really pleasant. That whole things is getting better. His parents will be moving to FL as soon as they sell their house and be there full time. SS8 already knows he will be able to go down and visit and stay with them for a couple weeks in the summer, things are good on that front.
All and all yeah there was plenty of things to work through and discuss and address. We have and things are looking pretty good. It seems like everyone is slowly getting use to their new roles and adjusting, that includes me. I have had to let things go and be more patient. His family also had to accept and realize that their son and grandson were both creating a bond and a relationship with me. Things change it is inevitable and I really think his his family and my SO did not think this was the right thing for SS8 someone would have said something by now.
Eh.. the only furry animal we
Eh.. the only furry animal we have is SD's cat that I am left to look after most of the time. I wouldn't mind if she went somewhere else.
As a life long sufferer of
As a life long sufferer of allergies (pets, dust, pollen, mold, etc, etc, etc....) I can readily say that the pet would be gone. My grandparents had dogs. I love dogs by the way. I could never visit them because to me their home was a toxic waste dump. It was a constant battle for me to visit them. They always wanted me/us to stay with them which invariably ended up with me being incredibly sick. So we started staying at hotels which offended my GPs. Eventually it got so tactical that as soon as I would walk in the door I would remove their floor vent hoods that directed heat/A.C. across their floors instead of allowing them to blow up and into the room. The air moving over the carpeted floors kicked up additional animal dander and made me that much more miserable.
My dad and I both suffered with allergies and visiting his parents was pure hell for us.
Those without allergies or those with less severe allergies have no clue how much hell that severe allergies can be.
I would not put any kid through the hell that I have suffered due to household pet and other allergies. My parents got rid of our last dog when I was ~12yo because it was neither fair to me nor to the dog. Due to my reasonably severe childhood allergies and asthma The dog could not be inside where he had always been as a integral member of our family without my having regular trips to the ER for adrenalin shots so that I could breath. He was miserable outside as were the rest of the family. He was a member of the family.
So off to my GP's farm he went where he was blissfully happy to run amok outside and have free reign of the house too. I just could not visit often.
My mother still has not forgiven my dad's parents for that. They were clear. The dogs were more important to them than I and more important than my dad was since we only visited occasionally. That pissed my mom off to no end.
I looked at it a bit more pragmatically until........ I once again got sick as could be while visiting the GPs. Then my pragmatism on the topic waned a bit.
Depending on the severity of a person's allergies this could turn into a child endangerment issue. I would be interested in the input of some of our legal pros on this. I have read of situations where an adult refusing to get rid of pets that a kid is allergic to turned into a legal mess. I am not sure what the blended family situations were regarding those instances.
Cats are even worse for me than dogs.
I get you had severe
I get you had severe allergies. SS8 is not that bad I already know that he takes an over the counter allergy pill when he was at his friends and was totally fine once it kicked in. My brother was allergic to much when we were kids including the family dog. He got regular allergy shots for so much stuff because he would get sick if he ate dairy and as a kid you do not keep on top of that when you are out at a friends or somewhere else.
I do not think us keeping our dog was child endangerment and him taking shots was not the end of the world. He is an adult now and has two dogs of his own while I think they still bother him a little he just deals with it now because he wanted them.
What if it was your SO or
What if it was your SO or boyfriend who was allergic and medication didn't work?
Would you break off the relationship or give up the pet? Would you be happy to just date and never live together?
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When I was in StepHell, I
When I was in StepHell, I wasn't allowed to have a pet b/c one of the SK's was 'allergic.' Years in to the marriage, I found out that BM adopted 2 kittens. (Both of which she dumped at farms later when they became an inconvenience.) Then she remarried and her DH bought a hunting dog. It lived outdoors until he decided to breed it and keep one of the puppies. Then both dogs lived indoors. Turns out it was more of a BM control issue that spineless xDH refused to fight against. Pu$$y!
I now have a dog and I would choose him over any man or kid, hands down. LOL.
animals before people...
animals before people... sorry
If Aergia was allergic to my animal, I would not move in.. I know she's not... I still did not move in.
I will move in the day she's out.... I'm highly allergic to her...
I guess the difference in
I guess the difference in your case is that you either were never allergic or must have grown out of it.
In this case, the girl is apparently having severe health issues that are life threatening due to asthma and allergy combinations.
This household has to take some drastic measures to protect the family members (I mean BS also due to his attachment to the animal).