SD is spoilt and entitled
Hi, this is my first blog/vent and it's a little long! Sorry! I've been with my fiancé just over 3 years. His daughter was 4 when he moved in with my son and I. My son was 6 at the time. I also have 2 older children, my daughter was 20 and was living and studying in a different city and my oldest, 22 at the time, was living with his girlfriend. My fiancé has never got on with my daughter to the point of being rude to her. He doesn't help her with anything even if she asks for help. She's 23 now and she lives with her boyfriend, if she needs anything I help her out but if my fiancé finds out we end up arguing about it! He's totally different with both my boys and is a great role model for my youngest son who is now 9. He would also do anything to help my oldest son and thinks the world of him.
his daughter stays with us for half the week so we see a lot of her. Sometimes it's ok! Most of the time she drives me crazy. She's so spoilt and entitled. She can have whatever she wants! She's had a top of the range iPad since she was 3, an Xbox, PlayStation, switch, iPhone. Barby dream house with all the dolls, petrol quad bike, the full collection of sylvanian families, build a bears galore, all the Pokémon toys, the list goes on and on. It's obscene! She gets expensive gifts before Christmas, during Christmas and after then all year round. What she wants she gets. But it's never enough! If my son has something she doesn't have she wants one. If he goes to clubs she wants to go to the same clubs. She so dissatisfied, nothing keeps her entertrianed for longer than 5mins. On top of this she never stops talking and everything is shouted. My son and I are both quiet and introverted. When it just us it's so chilled and comfortable. When she's there she interrupts, talks over everyone, sticks her nose into adult conversations and acts like a mini wife.
she has spent most of the holidays with us and it's been awful, I've felt unhappy for most of the time. I've hardly spent anytime with my own daughter. And I feel like the home I built by myself for me and my children is no longer mine.
please someone tell me things will get better! Any advice on how to deal with a pushy, spoilt, entitled, extremely loud and mostly unpleasant 7yr old?
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Comments
You tell your bf to step up
You tell your bf to step up and actually parent her, that his job is raising a decent human being and that if he really loved her he wouldn't be training her to be an obnoxious brat that nobody can stand. Of course, he probably wouldn't let you get past the first 5 words ...
Start by not letting her interrupt adult conversations. "The grown ups are talking, SD, wait your turn." Remind her to use her "indoor voice" when in your home. Stop comparing what she gets to what your son gets - nothing good will come of it. Stop entertaining her. Being bored leads to creativity
Remember, she is not your responsibility. Spend the time you want with your own children and be unavailable if your bf expects you to babysit (not your problem).
From my very mimited experience, things won't get better until your bf changes his mindset and that is highly unlikely. If all else fails, tell him to get his own place to live and continue to date him if you choose, but don't let your home life and that of your children suffer because he's raising a brat.
Thank you! I am going to try
Thank you! I am going to try and talk to him and tell him he needs to step up. I totally agree with your comment about boredom, some of my favourite games as a child were born out of boredom. Unfortunately she has no tollerance for it, shes cant even go on a short car journey with out some sort of entertainment.
If it comes to me asking him to leave i think that will be the end of us so for now I'll keep trying to figure it out. The comment below is a concern about things getting worse!
I can't tell you if things will get better
Yikes. I am sorry that you're going through this. I can't tell you that things will get better, especially when it comes to mini wife syndrome. My SD is 12 and it only seems to be getting worse. She gets a lot of gifts from her family too on birthday's and christmas, which we cannot expect for our DD and DS to get the same amount or the same type of treatment unfortunately. I can't say that confronting DH about it will solve the issue right away or at all. My DBF and I had a very long talk last night about the mini wife issue and I feel as though it hasn't been resolved. He sees it as she's still a little girl in his eyes because she hasn't physically or mentally matured for her age yet and wants to make the last until she starts too. They have a very strong bond, which is fine but I still get uncomfortable with the affection of it all.
Is your SD super affectionate too? Or just spoiled? I would say when you both do not have your kids or have some actual alone time to just try to calmly express how you feel about it. I hope things get better for you!
Thank you. It is really
Thank you. It is really difficult. They are affectionate with each other but not over the top. When ever my BF and I embrace she tries to nuzzle inbetween us which annoys me. She tries to be affectionate with me but i just dont have much affection for her and if doesn't fell genuine. Most of the time I tolerate her but over Christmas I couldn't even manage that, i was feeling dislike towards her, which is awful, shes only a little girl. I've just literally deleted photos of her from my phone because her face winds me up! I sometimes find myself wanting to buy expensive things for my son just to wind her up( i do realise how childish this sounds) I have to have a word with myself because thats not how I want to raise my son. My older 2 never had much because i raised them on my own and we didn't have money for luxuries. They are adults now and I'm so proud of them, neither of them have much concern for materialistic things, they've both worked hard and achieved and are just kind, considerate people with great ethics. That's what i want for my little one too.
I think youre right that it will get worse, shes very dominating and shes only 7! I'm actually dreading it.
Not at all
I don't think it's bad at all to have that mindset. I have been feeling the same way about my SD12. Like today, I am dreading going home because I know she will be there until Sunday. We haven't had her in over a week, and it still feels like that wasn't even long enough. I sometimes just go in my room when she is in the living room in my spot, and after I eat, I leave the dinner table instead of sitting there trying to visit everyone. My DD13 is not perfect but she definitely isn't spoiled, snotty, or clingy. She will hug me good night, or when she notices that I am said, but other than that she stays to herself and keeps herself busy. With SD12 she has to has that constant need for attention especially from her dad, and if she doesn't get it, she will literally sit on the floor and pout or go elsewhere and pout. I have went as far as saying something to my DD13 in front of SD12 like, "Oh we should have a couple of your friends over for hot tub night," and SD12 will roll her eyes at me, so I purposely do this in front of others to prove how bratty she can be. She wasn't always like this towards me but the past few months, I would say since me and DBF bought a house together, she has been a terror most of the time and the clingyness went fronm 30 to 100 real quick.
7 is still young and scary at the same time, from what you have said of SD trying to get in between you two is like the start of the entitlement/mini wife issue. I am hoping things settle down for you in that aspect and it doesn't turn out that way.
Thank you! Your situation
Thank you! Your situation sounds a lot like mine! It does help me feel better knowing that other SMS feel the same way and it's not just me being a horrible person!