Husband Issues...

So I am having issues with the husband but I think that some of it (if not most of it has to do with his Son(6)).....

So on Sunday (this past sunday) we decided to throw a small gathering between my husband, our kids (his son, my daugher(both 6 year old) and our 1 year old ) my parents, my brother and his wife and kids. My husband currently works 2 FT jobs and is off on the weekends. I work a FT and take care of the kids after work while he is in the 2nd job. Litteraly every weekend my husband drinks beer or any type of alchoholic beverage. But he doesnt just drink he drinks to the point of being extremely drunk and rude to my family and me. The kids are there to see him act a fool of himself. This past Sunday was kind of the day that made everythign just shatter. Like always he started drinking, and he then was out of beer and I told him not to get more beer and he whent off to buy more and got completely drunk. He called my brothers wife a snake, called my dad an asshole, called me a bi**. I then asked him to leave the house and he did not. After a while he started crying and left the house to sleep in his truck.

Now all this began because my brothers kids are a complete mess, they will destroy anything that is in their path. So I explained to my brother that I love having them over but its difficult to be behind his childrent and making sure they arent breaking anything in my house while he and his wife just sit around and ignore everything. He express to me that he understand and will be paying more attention to his kids. (this was all in a calm matter, we where not arguing i was just having a sincere convo with my brother) While my husband being drunk overhears the convo, and says you are a bi*** how can you say that to your brother....you are making him feel like sh****, your nices and nephews will hate you***** you are so stu***, you are f**uped from the head....(this is while he is drunk) continues by, you do the same sh**** to my son***** people like you act like this towards my son.. I hate people like you....his son is the exact same way as my brothers kids by the way and he is like my brother when it comes to checking his son..

I don't ever come acroos rude to them, I just simply express to them that it does make me feel a little uncomfortable for their kids to destroy my things (Chanel 5* perfume on sunday, couches, table wear, my kids toys...) I dont want to push my family away but its hard to see my things destroyed because they cant take care of their kids. I dont have this issue with anyone else besides my brothers kids and my step son, but for some reason when they are together it becomes horrible. Any suggestions for you more experianced people?

bmartinez's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

Your husband is an alcoholic.

Your husband is an alcoholic. I'd suggest Al-Anon, personally.

I agree with Tog. This isn't

I agree with Tog. This isn't an issue with the child at all, your husband has a problem with alcohol. That being said, drunkenness isn't an excuse to verbally abuse people, and the way he spoke to you was abusive. I hope you can see that you don't deserve to be treated like that (no one does!) and take some steps to protect yourself.

Thoughts

Yes I did think about that as well after thinking about everyhing that happen. I did explain to him that he needed to get profesional help or we seperate. I agree with you 100% its just in the past (a year ago) we had many issues with his son. All of our arguments would be surrounded by his son and I feel like now he gets to drinking and always talks about how I am towards his son. I think he has more issues but the root might be the relationship that his son has with us as a new family. But yes, he did agree to get profesional help and he actually starts this week.

Thanks for the advice.

You don't

Your problem is not with your brother's kids. That is something that you can deal with down the line once you have dealt with the giant issue smacking you in the face. Your H is a raging alcoholic and if he did not flip out over the kids it would be something else. Get to Al-Anon. There are online and telephone resources available right this second. They will be able to guide you.

Focusing on your brothers kids with that going on is like worrying about what color the tablecloth is when the house is on fire.

Thank you

Yes, I agree

I do think that whatever he could have latched on he would just to act this way. He has agreed to profesional help and starts this week to save our marrige. Also I could visualize your response, it made me laugh a little...

Terrible situation

. I am sorry.

what do YOU want to do?

Confused

Yes, honestly confused, discuraged, unsure.

I am afraid to continue our marrige, he is a reallly good husband all the time, other when he drinks. But I am afraid he will not change and I will have my kids involve in this nightmare.

But based on what you said

But based on what you said about his work schedule the only time he is a "really good husband" is when he isn't home. Is that really the kind of marriage that you want? Is this the man you want your kids to model themselves after? How you want them to see the "man" of the house behave?

I think one of the most important things we can do is parents is to show them a healthy marriage and relationship. I say this from the bottom of my heart. Don't let you kids think that being an abusive drunk is normal.

Your problem is not with your

Your problem is not with your brother, his kids or your stepson. Your problem is your husband.

He is an alcoholic and he is abusive. And frankly, I'm one who believes that alcohol merely removes the filter, so my assumption is that your husband actually thinks those words and has little respect for you when he's sober - it's just that the censoring mechanism between his brain and his mouth is more functional then.

I would go to Al Anon. I would insist that he get help. And if he didn't, I would leave. You can't force him to stop getting drunk and you can't force him to see that he has a big problem. But you can refuse to enable it by removing yourself from the situation. He's not going to change until HE wants to change, but you don't need to sit around waiting for that to happen, all the while exposing your kids to it.

Wow I feel bad for your

Wow I feel bad for your husband. He has to work two full time jobs and on his weekend he has to deal with a house full of chaos. No wonder he resorts to drinking. Maybe ask him to cut down on work and try therapy to help him develop better coping skills than drinking. People like him resort to drinking to deal with stress or other mental health stuff. Does he have an outlet, another coping mechanism? This post is very worrisome.

I am going to

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you have never had your life affected by substance abuse. Telling someone who is in this situation that "they only behave like that because they are stressed. If you ease their stress or give them another outlet they will stop the drinking/drugs and become the kind person you want them to be" not only blames other people for the actions of the addict but is so far outside of reality that I have no adequate words to explain it. I am sure your post is meant to be kind but it was not. I encourage you to do some reading regarding the nature of addiction and the effects on the spouse and children of the addict. Only the addict can change their behavior and the only obligation anyone else has is to protect themselves in the meantime.

Just. Wow.

Yes of course this post is worrisome but not because ANY one should feel sorry for the husband, but because he is an abusive alcoholic. There a plenty of people that work 2 full time jobs, or hell, like my husband who is active duty and been averaging over 100 hrs per week since COVID started that aren't abusive drunks.

Thank you

I just want to say that comming to this site and expressing my feeling does make me feel better about what decisions I am making. Sometimes it is very difficult to make the best decision when we are thinking about, house, kids, mortgage, bills.... I know a lot of people will sit and judge badly like the last blog. But the advice given to me has really helped me and helped him in making the best decision.

By the way my husband works 2 jobs because he chooses to. We dont need the extra money but he chooses to work 2 FT jobs because he wants to travel. I have asked him several times to leave the 2nd job and we can just slowly save up for vacations. I rather have him home every night during the week and sit with us having dinner. No matter how many times I ask him to leave the 2nd job, I cannot force my husbad to stop drinking or to leave his job I can only hope for the better.

If this is too personal,

If this is too personal, please tell me.

If dh drunk at work?

No

No he does not

You are here

Comments