I was picking SD up from her grandmother's house after work, as I usually did around that time. SD was around 9 at the time. Her grandmother called into the other room, "Go get your shoes on, *Bio Mom's name*." I froze for a second. She didn't even realize her mistake until SD walked in and said, "My name is ___, Grandma." The grandmother quickly apologized, said it was a "habit" and it was hard because SD looked so much like BM. I tried to not make it a big deal and drove SD home. The only thing she would say was that it didn't happen that often, but when it did, it kind of bothered her.

I remember it vividly. SS was in 7th grade and I was dropping him off at school in the morning. His English teacher walked up to my car window and said "Hello," introduced herself, and asked SS "Is this your Mom?" I held my breath and he answered, "Yeah, this is my Mom." The teacher proceeded to tell me how much better SS was doing in her class, his grades were improving, he was a real joy to have. I thanked her for letting me know and drove to work with a huge smile on my face. SS very easily could have said no. He could have corrected her, but he went along with it.

I remember we were sitting on the couch, watching TV one night. DH turned to me and said "I think it's time we get an attorney and file for custody of the kids." I agreed with him and the next day, I was calling all the family lawyers in town. We met with our attorney - she was highly recommended and very professional - we explained our situation. She asked us to gather everything we could - I printed out every single arrest record, made copies of the children's report cards (showing they were doing better in school), and printed out messages between her, DH and SS as proof.

The art of enabling. It is something that I know first-hand. My younger brother sunk into drug addiction in his later teenage years. He had two major enablers - my grandmother and mother. Though she will deny it, my mother is just as guilty. My grandmother did it because she was in denial of his drug problem and figured she had the money to spare and it was HER money to do as she pleases. The money from my mother, however, was technically my father's (and he soon put a stop to this on both parts).