I have not blogged in a while since SD20 has been gone, it has been nice and healing to have time without her. It has also been a new journey where DH and I have a focus on our relationship. It has revealed all the broken parts from living with the drama from stephell. I don't know yet if we can heal past all the pain caused, but it sure is nice to be working on our marriage, that always seemed to be second to the drama of SD and BM, DH lack of parenting and protecting our marriage is one of his betrays, that have caused problems.

So I have become really good at not giving SD20 supply, to the point that she was stressed out and started doing anything to get an emotional reaction out of me. To be clear, I did not give her any negative attention either.

SD20 seemed outright miserable and very desperate since she could not get narc supply from me as she used to (obviously in hindsight). 

So I was worried that the SD quarantine would make me go back to the time of feeling terrible and drained by SD behavior and DH lack of parenting. I find that my personal journey of not taking the problem-solver(rescuer) mindset with SD and DH, makes me feel liberated, and I am capable of instead focusing 100% on my own goals and addressing my personal problems. Without this inner anxiety, that I had before (when I was with SD), that I could not really explain the origin of at the time, but it is gone now. And, I am continuing to practice disengagement. 

So SD was out of character happy yesterday, and today she went to school a few hours after lunch, when DH tried to discipline her on it. She said It is fantastic I can do whatever I want because of Coronavirus we do not have to go to school (if she lies and says that she has been exposed to the virus) Then Dh said I hope you do not waste another year, then it will be consequences. She then responded that she is getting all better grades than last year before her school absence made it, so she was kicked out. So basically, she is rerunning the same subjects.