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"What Bio Moms Wants SP to Hear"

halfstepmom2skids's picture

Submitted by halfstepmom2skids on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:00am

bahaha..i read a post on the internet, not sure of site, but it said 3 things bio mom wants sm's to know, the first one was "It is nature for us to feel jealous that our child has another mother figure, we want you to know we are their only parent" i stopped reading cuz i didn't know whether to laugh or throw up. Excuse me, but there is nothing natural about jealousy. I have 2 bio boys and i have NEVER felt jealousy when they do things with their dads girlfriends and now fiancee...I mean NEVER. I hope you bio moms read this and seek a psychiatrist ASAP if you feel jealous cuz there aint nothing NATURAL about it.

Comments

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:03am

Exactly! I get along well with my daughters SM...she's a great woman. My daughter actually has a small relationship with her dad because of the SM. She is a sweet person that makes sure my daughter isn't an outsider even though they live 5 hours away and my daughter rarely gets to go visit.

As a BM, I wish more BM's could just GROW UP!!!

halfstepmom2skids's picture

Submitted by halfstepmom2skids on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:08am

Exactly, and the reason your daught. is happy with SM is because of you, us. I never say anything bad bout his fiance, even when they complain. I tell them they have to respect her, its her house and she is an adult. When they say they do something with dad, i ask where fiance was, they say she stayed home. I always say something nice like, well that is nice of her she must be giving you some quality time with your dad, cuz she is. It is all how the adults perceive it, the kids will perceive the same way. The bio moms, my skids, trashes me and is so jealous. She will let my ss have a relationship with me, but not her daughter which causes her to be a nasty angry child and not like me. Sad.

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 9:18am

And my daughters SM has class. I think that's a good thing, too. We are all human, we all make mistakes, but if I get too overwhelming...she never lets on (even though I encourage SM to tell me if I'm bothering her and would prefer me to talk with exH). My daughter went to spend two weeks with her dad and SM over this past summer (keep in mind, daughter doesn't have much relationship with her dad and she has never been away from me for that long...we were both a little nervous about homesickness). I emailed SM (I don't even bother communicating with exH) and voiced my daughters and my concern about possible homesickness...SM was such a trooper about comforting both of us. Yes, I'm a weiney mom and my daughter is a momma's girl, so we really appreciated the comforting words from SM.

Also...the biggest classiest thing ever bestowed on me from SM. When my exF-I-L passed away...just one short month after my own dad passed away, I was very active in helping the family. I still loved the family very much--even if I couldn't stand the son! Of course, I was at the funeral. I was going to sit by myself, because well...it was very painful to be at another funeral that soon after my own dads, so I wanted to be an emotional wreck in private. But, SM asked me to come sit with the family, they didn't want me to go through that alone (exH is a Marine and stood "guard" at his dads casket throughout the ceremony). THAT was class on SM's part...she's a special lady and I thank her for being so great!!!

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:09am

I was never jealous either, I was glad when DD's dad had a nice GF who treated her well! Not very solid in the maternal bond, are they? But it goes along with insecurity and narcissism so it fits PSYCHO!

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:11am

I've read that list too. I wouldn't necessarily say that it's not normal to feel some jealousy. It may natural for them to feel jealousy, just as it's natural for a SM to feel jealousy about the constant phone calls & meetings between our DH & BM. However, jealousy doesn't excuse the BM acting out toward SM. BM & SM alike...if you have jealous feelings, deal with them, but exercise some self-control. YOUR jealousy is YOUR issue. Don't try to make it someone elses.

When I read through the list of things, if I remember correctly, it came across as though the BM's were trying to excuse their actions & behavior, & seemed to suggest that the SM is supposed to step aside while BM tries to accept SM into her children's lives.

WHERESMYWART's picture

Submitted by WHERESMYWART on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:12am

Ok.... I will admit, I do get a little envious when my son gets to go off with his Dad on these great trips and when his exgirlfriend would go with them. Not because I was jealous of my son, I was glad he was able to go because this is something I was never able to do as a son, but a little sad I wasn't able to take him places like this. Im working on this factor and am close to my MSA so Iknow one day soon, we will be visiting Disney World!:P Yes, the BM is the "MOM" but we also realize that our children have enough love to go around.

mom2five's picture

Submitted by mom2five on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:13am

My kids have a stepmother. She is wonderful! I couldn't have hand picked a better other-mother to my children.

I have never felt even the slightest pang of jealousy. I guess I feel secure enough in my relationship with my children that jealousy just seems kind of silly.

PoisonApples's picture

Submitted by PoisonApples on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:13am

I had one pang of jealousy when I walked in to pick up my son and he was sitting on some girl's lap - I didn't even know he had a gf. I didn't say anything, I didn't react at all. It took me about 5 minutes to think it through later and get over it.

I didn't have problems with my ex and his wife because I stayed out of their lives and out of their time with the children. Always. No exceptions. We weren't friends by any means. If we had to talk we made it short and businesslike. I didn't bother my kids with phone calls when they were with him and I didn't have a thing to say about what he did or didn't do on his time.

I honestly believe most of these bitter BMs make their own problems.

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:32am

As a BM I have never been jealous of my kids SM, NEVER. I am confident in my place as their parent. And I know that having them care about anyone else is not them caring for me less. I encourage them to love her. She is good to them.

I don't particularly like her, she seems cold and controlling but I don't have to live with her and she is kind to my kids, that's all that matters.

zenjetset's picture

Submitted by zenjetset on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 8:42am

Not jealous at all, not one bit of my daughter's father wife. Good grief, I'm glad she married him and not me! She was a good influence to my daughter.

My stepdaughters mother is totally another story. She actually still attempts to break us up. At the slightest notion we (fh and I) are arguing she will ask him if everything is ok with us?! And mentions...oh, I don't have a boyfriend anymore either...

What do you mean either?! We aren't separated or broken up?! WTF?! Crazy ass!! Seriously, she is dying to get her claws in my fh her XH!! And sadly, she will use the kids to make us miserable. Though she acts out this way, I'm not jealous. Fh and I actually giggle about it. We think she is pathic!

halfstepmom2skids's picture

Submitted by halfstepmom2skids on Tue, 10/05/2010 - 10:44am

Ok my turn, What I want BMs to know...I am a big girl, I can get on a forum to make myself feel better or go to counseling. Your child, however, cant undo the anger and doesn't have the mental capabilities to understand why they shouldn't like sm's just because you don't. You are hurting YOUR child and causing them emotional distress and angry feelings they wouldn't have if you didn't have.