Sort of Step related..but in reverse it deals with BS
Ugh..BS 23...who is very high functioning autisic..(fka asperbergers) is still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up. He has a college degree already but yep works part time while he decides what job he wants or if he wants grad school. He currently lives with DD in a condo that we (me and DH) own and pays for the utlities.
So.....the other day DD and DS were here at our house and DS was playing with our special needs dog..who was about 24 hours out from a very severe seizure and was having issue. I told DS to be careful since doggie was not really in his right mind yet..and yep.doggie mistook DS hand for his toy. To be fair DS was trying to take the toy of of doggies mouth ...doggied readjusted his grip on the toy and caught DS hand. Doggie can't tell the difference between a hand and a toy....his seizure disorder is slowly destroying his brain..so please no harsh words on the doggie.
DS was rightfully mad at the dog but in true aspy fashion this sent him into a spiral. So...DS was already pissy....and we decided to play games as that was the plan for the evening. We were playing poker using candy for betting. For whatever reason...I was on a winning streak...(this NEVER happens I have the worst luck usually) and I pretty much wiped the floor with DS and he lost almost all his candy. Oh boy..he was butt hurt over that one since he is used to winning. Strike two for him...
We decide to play another game and needed teams. DD and DS were on one team and DH and I were on another. DH and I won that game ...and DS was really not pleased at this point...I can tell DS is really pissed. DH tried to point to DS where he was maybe not following the game rules and whoboy...did DS blow up on DH. Strike three for DS...It was not pretty and it was not appropriate. DS was way out of line and way over the top.
Of course DH responded back and they ended up in a shouting match and DS ended up leaving.
DH then decided to have a go at me...since well I guess I was there and he was pissed that I didn't immediately jump up to his defense and start to yell at DS.
Reasons I didn't.
1. First I was more shocked than anything since DS hasn't had episode like this in years.
2. When DS is in that frame of mind..there is no changing it or making it better. Best thing is to let him have space and work it out himself.
3. Quite frankly DH should have just stopped arguing once DS started to get very aggitated. DH is older and should be wiser..but I get that sometimes things happen.
Now...DS's reaction was no where near appropriate of acceptable...and now I have to talk to him about it and he needs to apologize to DH.
I need some advice on how to say this to DS...plus he has worn out my patients on the whole figuring out what to do.....its been a year and half. I am ready to tell him to move back to his dads if he can't figure out it....because at 23 he needs to start supporting himself.
So how would you handle this situation with DS?
DH is a whole nother matter since that was the second time that day he had a go at me over things that were not my making....the first was frustrations with SD over her new job and filling out forms....and then DS later that night.