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Not stepmom related but intimacy related

Johnson_87's picture

I've been married to my DH for 3 yrs now and we have a one yr old ours and a 16 yr old SD. Prior to bio daughter, or s*x life was pretty regular. We cuddled and showed plenty of affection. I felt secure. Leading up to the pregnancy it was rough for us both, I was sick and dealt with a lot of mental health issues, which left little time for intimacy. Although we did have s*x on occasion during pregnancy when sickness got better. After bio daughter was born, it was hard adjusting and we argued a lot. We weren't intimate, we weren't affectionate, we barely touched and our daughter slept between us. We fought about it, he was watching a lot of porn and I felt insecure because I would ask for affection and barely got it. He basically said because my hormones were crazy and when I'm in my period he watches it. I told him I'm not ok with him watching it while I'm feeling unwanted. Fast forward to now, our bio daughter is 1 and a half, we have some stability with routine. Our daughter still sleeps with us, we are still not affectionate, we don't cuddle, I'm a stay at home mom. We have s*x a little more often, but I found out he's still watching the porn quite frequently. Well, when we are having s*x I get no pleasure other than from oral. He also doesn't last long at all. Only time I'm satisfied is with oral which he doesn't do often. He finishes every time we have s*x. It sucks feeling like he'd rather watch porn and that I don't get anything out of s*x. What do I do, I've already talked to him about how it makes me feel insecure. I have gained weight and don't feel like he's even really turned on by me anymore. I feel like we only do it because of marital obligation. We do get some time to ourselves, but he's also doing a band thing while I'm at home with the kids. I feel like there's a lot of unfairness on my end and I get the short end.

Comments

tog redux's picture

Sounds like marriage counseling is in order - there is more going on here than a baby in the bed.

justmakingthebest's picture

Porn addiction can become a serious thing. He really needs to recognize that this is an issue for you and respect that in your marriage.

I also agree with getting your daughter out of your room. That needs to be your marital bed not a family bed. 

One other thing, toys. There toys and accessories that help with some of the issues you are describing. Rings for him, stimulators for you- find a good balance so that it is enjoyable for both of you. Sex with your spouse is supposed to be fun and freeing and bring you together, not be a source of stress. 

Johnson_87's picture

I know it's probably not the best idea, but I'm just signing up for po*nhub premium and calling it a day. If he can be selfish why can't I? I know that'sa terrible thing to think. I've even mentioned ya watching it together but he's not interested in that. We talked about marriage counseling before, but I honestly don't think it'll make a difference. It won't feel like it was natural getting things back on track but forced. I've come to the reality that things have changed and for the worst since we had our baby. We've gone through a lot with SD and BM and BMs family over the yrs. and that took a toll. Things have calmed down a lot from that issue, but our relationship with just us two has changed. I'd like to consider separation but I dug myself in a deep hole being a stay at home mom with no money.