Grounding doesn't work
So, what do you do when grounding your Step kids doesn't work? My husband is the one who does all the disciplining but the crap we are dealing with has gone on for over 2 years now and we are at our wits end with her. He has tried grounding her from literally everything to where all she can do is sit in her room. But once she is ungrounded she continues with her bad behavior.
Any suggestions of what we should do? She is almost 12. I have taken a step back and let him deal with her. I am expecting my first baby in September and Im trying to stay stress free per my Dr.'s orders. So I have basically had to step back from her and let him deal with her .
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A good kick in the a** might
A good kick in the a** might help.Kids are too spoiled today.
Forget Dr.Oz and spank them !!!!
I do not feel comfortable
I do not feel comfortable spanking her since she is not my child. My husband is never here when the offenses happen. So by the time he gets home at night, he says he feels weird about it since its been so long since she did whatever she did. I personally think she needs a good butt whoopin. I was raised like that and I turned out just fine.
Dang! hahah! I guess its
Dang! hahah! I guess its awkward to bc she is like the same size as me. i wouldn't even know how to go about it. And if her dad isnt comfortable doing it, i doubt he would be comfortable with me doing it. I guess I am just baffled that after 2 years she still is pulling the same ol crap. I keep telling my husband its going ot get way worse when the baby comes in September.
i have a 12 year old. what is
i have a 12 year old. what is the repeated behavior?
i am a firm believer in "adding on" versus taking away. i normally don't have any issues with my kids, but every once in a while they get stupid.
Let's see, we had a homework issue. Wouldn't bring homework home. lie and say "don't have any" So, i went out and bought work books on the subjects they hated the most. (reading and writing) I said, "well, since i am positive you are lying and don't bring it home cause you want to get out of doing homework, I made my own homework for you. the sucky part is that my homework is only of the subjects you hate the most AND it's more homework you would've had, had you brought yours home."
Can you believe I only had to do this twice? LOL
Let's see, a few times i skipped the grounding. "okay mom, i know i'm grounded. Take away all my stuff." I said, "nope, you can keep your stuff." (their eyes got real big. like they were excited that they weren't gonna get in trouble) so they thought....I continued "nah, this time i'm not gonna ground ya. you can keep all your toys and gadgets. BUT....i have a chore list sooo long for you that you won't have any time to play with any of it!"
And i would. they would get breakfast, 15 min break, lunch, break, dinner, little more work, bath, relax in front of tv for about 1/2 hour, then bedtime. Only to do it all over again the next day.
Yeah, didn't have to do that too many times either. That chore list was mundane, busy work. Think of all those things you thought about doing eventually and never got around too.
AND..some things, i just have to walk away. Pick and choose the battles.
Here are some examples of
Here are some examples of what we are dealing with.
Today, i asked if she had put deoderant on, brushed teeth etc. she said yes. Come to find out , no she had not. So she got caught in a lie.
I stay home so I am here with her all day every day. My husband will tell me things she needs to do during the day. I say Hey your dad wants you to do this etc. She says " OH ok" then doesn't do it. WHen asked why she hasnt completed it, she has played dumb like she didnt know what we meant. This scenario happens about 4 times a week.
She was complaining about it hurting when she peed. we told her to increase her water intake. She was told to drink two of these thermos things of water the other day. She said ok. Then did not do it. LIed said she did.
Basically , anything you tell this child to do, she takes it upon herself to make whatever it was you told her, into what is most convenient for her. then when caught, she will either lie about doing it, or give a million of excuses how its not what she was told.
She has told me the things we ask her to do aren't "Fun" and we need to make them more fun for her. We get the "I forgot " excuse multiple times a week, and when she gets caught, we get " Oh sorry about that"
FRUSTRATING!!!
Checklists will become your
Checklists will become your friend.
Hygiene checklist - brush and floss after breakfast, put on deoderant, put on clean clothes and undies.
Since she can't be trusted to do this on her own, she needs help and supervision. As she gets each one done, check it off the list. Or make her check it off the list.
Dad wants her to do certain things - again, a list. In his writing, with any explanations.
Her regular chores - daily, weekly, monthly. Checklist, check them off as you go. Maybe you and Dad better do the checking off to not give her a chance to weasel out of it.
... I guess I don't
... I guess I don't understand why you care if she takes a shower or puts on deodorant... Let her stink. When the kids at school start making fun of her that will sure change her mind about it.
Also, if she doesn't do things like take out the garbage or doing the dishes, or whatever, then she doesn't get to have dinner or allowance.
This honestly sounds like normal teenager stuff, not spanking worthy stuff. I was expecting like fit throwing or drinking...
Let her own actions catch up to her.
I'm sure it is all normal pre
I'm sure it is all normal pre teen stuff . But it usually always happens when he isnt Home and It's just me. SO I can't help but take it more personally. Plus Im pregnant and hormonal and that isnt helping. BUt this has been going on Way before i got pregnant.
oh man, i have given up THAT
oh man, i have given up THAT fight. Unless i physically go in and do it for them..... and i am NOT going to do that. At 12 years old they are old enough to choose to do it or choose to not do it. Don't want to put deodorant on? fine, then don't. Guess what happens when you try to sit by me? I state loudly, "you frickin stink! Go put some deodorant on." Do they? I don't know, i don't care. but their stinky ass isn't sitting next to me anymore. Brushing the teeth, deodorant, showers, etc...ugh it's all disgusting. The only thing that DOES happen when i say to at the moment is showers and brushing teeth. I won't ask if they took a shower, i will TELL them to take a shower NOW.
I don't get it. I personally think it is laziness. Cause during the school year, my son will shower EVERY morning. Weekends, breaks? I have to pester him. The teeth piss me off more than anything. But again, I won't ask if they have, i will tell them to do it now.
The dirty clothes, the stinky rooms, etc..... i have washed my hands. Personally, i don't think you can redirect LAZY.
oh and here's an idea. these
oh and here's an idea. these kids this age, always want something. they need us to do anything. they can't drive themselves, they don't have a job, etc... i do this to my kids often also....
"mom, can i go skating?"
"you want me to let you go skating? So right now you WANT something from me? What about when I WANTED something from YOU? what about when i wanted you to brush your teeth? Maybe i should do what you do to me. remember you tell me ok and then DON'T do it? wouldn't it be FUN if i said ok to you right now and when the time comes to leave and go skating i don't do it? I think right now i will say ok. Now you can WONDER the rest of the day if i am really gonna do it or not!"
My SS (turning 12 this
My SS (turning 12 this summer) is the same. Grounding doesn’t work. Nothing works. Consequences, positive discipline, bribing, nothing. He doesn’t care. Grounding especially doesn’t work. All he wants to do is stay in his room all day.
Any time we find something he wants and try to use that as a consequence or motivation, he decides he doesn't want it any more. He lost so much weight that we have to get him to eat but now it's so hard to get him to eat anything.
I have no idea what to do and no one else understands these problems DH and I are facing with him. Whenever I try to talk to his therapist about what to do, I feel like she’s judging me and blaming me for all his problems. Like I’m not doing enough or being like a mom to him. She wants us to do these fun bonding activities but the way he's acted - he should be punished for years, not treated to fun activities.
I don’t like spanking but I’m to the point where I want to hit him because nothing else has any effect. Spanking is illegal in his BM’s country, so DH doesn’t want to hit him because she can then come back and say that DH is a child abuser. But there isn’t anything else that gets him attention. He doesn’t care about anything. Maybe getting hit might at least get a pain response out of him.
It's not fair for you to
It's not fair for you to leave out a very important piece of information about why your SS acts like this. He has major depression, to an extreme that most kids do not.