Opinion
Hey everyone
I am about 13 weeks pregnant, and have an appointment tomorrow for our first sono. I am getting a lot of people asking me if we are taking my step daughter to our appointment. My SD and I do nto have a good relationship at all. She is 11. Ive also had people ask if i planned to include her in our maternity pictures later on. I have mixed emotions about all of this. HAs anyone else ever dealt with this before or have any words of wisdom? I guess I always felt like a maternity shoot was an intimate shoot with the man and wife.
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Comments
Why would you take her? I'm
Why would you take her? I'm asking because I don't know anyone who has kids or step kids that takes them to these types of appointments. I'd show her the pictures they give you after the fact but I wouldn't take a child bio or skid into something like this.
Why on earth would people ask
Why on earth would people ask that? Good grief, my own parents sure didn't include me in all that when my mom was pregnant with my younger brother. Sheesh.
I think they feel like we
I think they feel like we shoul include her so she doesn't feel left out. She's an only child and is super spoiled and used to having tons of one on one attention. I personally feel it would be uncomfortable to have her at the appointments but plan to show her pics or video of it all and answer any questions she has. As for the photo shoot, I still feel that is an intimate thing between her dad and myself.
Meh. I was an only child
Meh. I was an only child until my brother came along. I doubt my parents thought I would feel "left out" if I didn't go to an ultrasound appointment, lol. I was probably in school and didn't even know about it to begin with.
I think your SD would feel left out if everyone was making a huge tremendous deal about it in front of her, and purposely telling her she's not going.
In the end, whatever YOU are comfortable with during your appointments and the photo shoot is what should matter.
"But, I don't get the need to
"But, I don't get the need to have a professional photograph done."
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It isn't a need. It's just something fun to have. I don't have my own children, so obviously I've never had them done, but I've seen them.
Most I've seen are tastefully done, however the topless ones, or the ones with the couple laying in the bed together...documenting stuff like that for future generations kinda creeps me out. I wouldn't want to find pictures like that of my parents.
Not to mention, I know the less I'm wearing the more I struggle to feel attractive...& I'm not toting another body in my belly. But, there are women who love the way they feel pregnant. To each his own, I guess.
Forgive me but I am so SICK
Forgive me but I am so SICK of hearing about worry that the skid will feel left out. Guess what - you don't get to be part of everything11 It is not a right. Some things don't concern you and what is, quite frankly, an intimate moment, is none of your damned business! Grow up, get over it and live your own little skid life!!!!
I brought my SDs with to my
I brought my SDs with to my gender ultrasound, but not the sono at 8 weeks. For one, it was internal (eww they so didn't need to be there) and two, it was a special moment between DH and I to see for the first time the life we had created together. They were 4 and 5 at the time, and had each other, but even so I don't think an 11 yo needs an explanation as to why she is not included at the appointment. Nor do I see a need for her in the maternity pictures, but I would make sure you get at least one "family" shot when you are showing, that way the baby will see that she is an important part of his/her family too.
It really just depends on
It really just depends on what you & your DH want to do. Personally, I don't see a need to take a child along to any adult's dr appt.
As for the photo shoot, there are a number of different types of maternity pics people have done. Some are family shoots, where everyone is fully-clothed & the kids are included & there are the more intimate ones where tops go missing & dad is nuzzling the belly...not kid appropriate.
I don't see where you'd be obligated to take your SD to either if you & your DH don't want her there. IMO, the call on the dr appt is yours to make. You're the patient.
If your DH wants to include in the maternity shoot, maybe you & your DH could do some without SD & then you could do some with her.
What does he say about it?
With either, if it's something SD will be excited about but you don't want her there, just don't mention it to her.
OMG Kayro I'm just not in the
OMG Kayro I'm just not in the mood for your crap today...
Listen, it is STILL NOT HER CHILD< REPEAT NOT HER CHILD!!! What is your deal, why are you even HERE? You aren't a step-parent, your bf dumped you (I'm starting to see why honestly). The sun does not set on SD's ass.
I can't STAND this new generation of people that think the sun rises on kids and especially SKIDS and children of divorce ass.
This is an intimate moment between husband/wife...you keep saying 'if it was your older daughter' you don't know that- most people I know have some pregnancy photos w/their whole family-normal every day shots...but I haven't seen a professional photo shoot with the older kids. I know must dont bring them to ultrasounds.
Regardless the reality is she is NOT her biological child so there will be some different rules there, it's what it is. You obviously have a problem with that but your perspective will keep you from ever having a succesful step-home.
I really think your expectations are just not realistic at ALL
What is it abotu damn pictures, vacations that get people so up in arms...what is your problem??? It's his child, but NOT hers..he married her too, and SHE did NOT have a child-there WILL be sometimes that there are exclusions, and what you may deem as a 'divide' but that is just the nature of step-families. You do NOT become ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY everybody loves eachother as their own children.
It's damn biology 101-read Stepmonster- RELATEDNESS matters.
Just because you marry someone with a kid does NOT mean you automatically become a bio-parent w/bio-parent feelings for their children. If the relationship is distant she should not even think of including sd to appease him-what about the MAN making the sacrifice for his wife...after all he's likely the one that screw up and procreated with some skank looser and now the WIFE has to put up with the 'mistake'.
Yeah, I say it like it is. Flipping lord your posts are just so unwelcome here...why not go to a grief board or 'breaking up is hard' board or some shit. Damn!
Yeah it's kind of like the
Yeah it's kind of like the owl getting on the morning lark forum and telling all larks that they are a bunch of LOSERS because they aren't up all night. That nightime life is SUPERIOR in every way.
^^^^THIS^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^AND
^^^^THIS^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^^AND MORE OF THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^
It's up to the pregnant mom
It's up to the pregnant mom and no one else! Side note: when I sent out birth announcements for DD12, I had DS and DD (then 10 and 7) holding her between them. Everyone just about flipped over how cute it was, and since then a lot of friends and family copied my idea!
Yeah uhh... My parents didn't
Yeah uhh... My parents didn't include me (and i'm the oldest) in any of my younger sisters' (last one was stillbirth) first sonos. My sister and I went with her to the stillborn one at six months... Only to have the doctor say 'uh, there's no heartbeat. She passed away. prepare for a procedure this week.'
Holy crap, how traumatising! Not only for us kids but my parents as well. That is why I don't care, bio or step, they aren't coming with me because I don't need to do that to them!
Anyway, I do not believe in making special allotments to skids just so they don't feel left out, regular bios don't get the special treatment, why should steps?