Step daughter is constantly lying and disobeying u
My stepdaughter will be 13 this year and we have had issues with her lying and constantly disobeying us for 3 years now. Lately her thing is "daddy told me i could" when really, he did not. i feel like she is trying to cause problems between her father and myself and is trying to get rid of my some and me. We have tried everything. Grounding, extra chores. I've backed off from her and tried being more involved and neither has changed her behaviors. She recently told me she does not want a relationship with me or my son who is 4 months. She says its too hard to have one with him "bc he's her brother" obviously it hurts to hear these things, but if that's how she feels, I can't nor will I force a relationship. We are going to family counseling and in counseling she can admit to knowing she is wrong etc but at home never does anything to change things to make things better here. She has basically given up. We have tried to motivate her by giving her privileges back or allowing her to see friends and still no change. Knowing how she feels about me and my son makes me very uncomfortable in our home when she is here. I feel hopeless and very sad and don't know what else to do. Any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.
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Im sorry your going thru all
Im sorry your going thru all that!! My SS11 has blatently told both me & DH that he actively tries to get me to leave DH. It sucks. But what can ya really do? Keep going to counseling is probably the best advice I know. That & having DH back you up every. Single. Time!! Thats the important part!!! Id bet she is uber jealous of your son, so thats why her crappy comments. Honestly the best thing you probably could do is completely ignore her remarks. Act like it doesnt phase you!! Shes doing it to get a reaction from you. So take that game shes playing away. You could say something like, Hmm... Thats an awful shame, but okay & stay happy looking like it doesnt upset you. She will get bored of it real quick like!!
Hang in there!!
I am sorry to hear what you
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. My SD is a serious nightmare, so I completely understand. You are not alone.
To look on the bright side, she sounds like an awful person that you would not want touching and playing with your baby anyways. She would be a bad influence on the child anyways, so perhaps you could look at her disinterested attitude in having a relationship as kind of a blessing. I would be relieved really. Give her some space and disengage yourself from her. Maybe at some point she will grow up and come around. There is not a whole lot you can do about her choice to disengage I think.
What does your SO think?
Thank you all. My husband is
Thank you all.
My husband is at a loss bc he doesn't know what to do with her anymore. It's causing tension between him and I unfortunately bc I'm always so uncomfortable. He has told me to disengage also. My SD acts like we are totally fine when other people and family are around bc she says she doesn't want anyone to know. She also acts like this amazing big sister to my son when family and friends are around. I have asked her to completely stop this behavior bc it is way too confusing to me and it will eventually be confusing to my son as to why his sister only likes him when others are around. We haven't been around family since these comments were made but will be around them all this weekend and I fear she will still try to act like everything is fine and I won't know how to address her in front of them without me looking like the bad guy, which is her plan I truly believe to begin with. My husband has told her to leave me and my son alone and so far she has yet to do that and keeps trying to act like things are perfect which is just her being so fake to us.
It sounds to me like she is
It sounds to me like she is so devastated by the fact that she isn't the only child any more, that she is trying desperately to hurt the rest of you. Perhaps she thinks by denying a relationship with him, she is showing her denial of him literally. Hoping he will just go away. This is very immature thinking, an extreme case I think. Eventually she will wear down I imagine. It will get too exhausting to keep up.
You are probably right. I
You are probably right. I guess I will be ignoring her. Any advice on what to so when she tries to act like we are all happy in front of family and friends? Especially with my baby?
There's not much you can do
There's not much you can do about that, most likely.
Do these people know her at all? I mean, is she the kind of person that has other problems? My step daughter is a nightmare....so complete strangers may be fooled but anyone who has more then surface knowledge of her knows how severely mental and dangerous she is.
I know it gets under your skin, I can only imagine. I never have to see my SD. If I did....well, actually that would not happen because I would leave. I would seriously be cold and aloof and ignore her. Would your husband allow that? Kind of like....exude an attitude of "you are so full of shit get out if my way" but without verbally stating that.
I just would not keep up the
I just would not keep up the charade. Allow her to play her part....and act as if she's a bit nutty. Like, not coming out and saying it but being clear about not responding to her falsities. She will look pretty stupid.
To everyone else she is this
To everyone else she is this sweet kid but she does not show that behavior to us here at home. She asks very obvious questions just for attention like asking me how much peanut butter to put on her sandwich, or what should she order from a menu when we are out to eat, she just does things like that in front of other ppl so I'm forced to be nice to her or I will look bad. But when we are in the private of our home, she's a totally different kid. She has said she is embarrassed to let outsiders know how he behaves here so that's why she puts on a front in front of others. She has no problems anywhere else except here at home, so no one understands when we have vented.
Just be thankful that she is
Just be thankful that she is not showing her ass in public and embarrassing you. Does it really matter whether others know she is a horrible bitch?
Two can play that game you know.
She's an attention whore in public so just ignore her mostly.