If the kid is a little shit, tell your husband he can make the damn cupcakes. Don't let her dictate to you what is going to happen.

My dh is kind of like that too, like he just went up to the shool the other day cause ss was acting up, but as long as grades are good, I guess attitude does not count! It get on my nerves....I would do this to our own kids i dont care if your grades are good, but if your attitude stinks and you constantly get in trouble at school you ar not getting anything! Half ass don't cut it in this house ...

Do it and do it right! And absolutely no back talk! I know some of you go against this, but when I was growing up I talked back one time ....just one time and my mom slapped me across the mouth so hard I thought I lost all my teeth! I never did it again, (At least when she was in earshot.

I was not beaten and locked in closets without food or anything nuts like that, but my mom and dad did NOT TOLERATE disrespect when the work so hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table ...and another thing there was no door slamming either! my brother did that one time and my father removed his room door!

Tell you Husband you are leaving for the weekend unless he backs you up, stay with a friend or family. dont make cup cakes, or clean anything. your husband has to back you up or you will always loose. If he says what can we do offer this, she can have the party with the friends or family that were already coming over but as far as the friend spending the night there is no way, also she has to do all the clean up. You can always call the other girl's mom and explain that her daughter can not spend the night due to the disrespect your step daughter has give you. She is a mom she will understand and that way there is a compromise between you and your husband no one is "winning" or "loosing".

Oh noooo. this is a DH problem.

"My husband also said I dont really have much of a choise as far as doing all this party stuff for her since its too late."

Um, DH I am not going to do it. But here you go if you'd like to take over. *Smile*

Echo and Vick said. You allow control. If she isn't going to mind and dad doesn't do anything then you cannot parent her. End of story. You just look overcritical and mean. time to take more time for yourself and do less for SD. I know its hard at first and feels so wrong, but once you start its a relief.

Things I no longer do that I used to do.
1. Wash Dishes that SO and skids make
2. Getting used towels that SD leaves in her room from the weekend
3. Getting dishes left in their rooms
4. Their laundry before they go back to BM
5. Give advice or input in conversation with skids
6. Have conversations with skids.
7. Give input or advice to SO. If asked, I give the most objective and brief answer possible.
8. Correct their inappropriate behavior, burping at the table, rude comments about other people etc.
9. Spend the whole weekend with skids. I do one activity maybe two. Other than that I find something else to do.
10. Put items away that are left on bathroom or kitchen counter
11. Clean for their visit. Whatever cleaning is done is what I would do normally whether they are coming or not.
12. Do favors or parental duties, e.g. Teach SD how to drive, take her to the mall, or entertain her because SO wants to spend time with SS or run his own errands.
13. respond to any negative behavior, eye rolling, huffing, etc.
14. watch or listen to material with skids that makes me uncomfortable because it is age inappropriate.
15. Cook unless SO helps with cooking and clean up.

What I will do
1. If skid asks for medical attention, I will give it
2. If skid talks to me to joke in a friendly manner with me or to ask about me, i will respond in kind.
3. If skid talks to me disrespectfully, they will be told they can cease talking to me until they want to do so respectfully.
4. If skid enters a room i will say hello if I have yet to acknowledge their presence for that day.
5. If skid asks a general question and SO is not around, i will answer. If its for permission or something more involved, I will send them to their dad.
6. If skid invites me to play an activity outside, I will do so. AS long as we are all being respectful of one another.
7. Leave the room if I find any topic of conversation uncomfortable, inappropriate. If I can't leave the room, my headphones go with me (car situations) and those go on.

I retain the right to remove myself from any duties or situations where I feel I am not being respected or appreciated.

In the outside world, we wouldn't allow anyone to disrespect us right? Why do we do it in our own homes?

My DH does the same exact thing...ever since my SD17 was 8 years old, she has announced her plans for the afternoon, the day, whatever occasion. She has never asked permission. It's always, always been confusing for me and I have spent years trying to make him see that she "is not an adult. She doesn't get to decide what is right for her yet." etc... Now that she is 17, she announces she will be taking a train to a distant city, miss two days of school ("it's OK, Daddy. I will get the work ahead of time and turn it in before I leave." Ummm, nope, that didn't happen. But, the trip did), comes out of her room and announces she's going "wherever," now that she has a car. (Long story, but WE did NOT buy her this car.) It's perfectly fine for DH that she tells him what she is going to do.

Ever since the visitation was ordered (one weekend, once a month on a long weekend; every other major holiday, and all summer long...she is supposed to GO TO HER BM), she has made the decision whether she was going to go or not. And, that's been acceptable to both of her parents. WTH???

She is a smart girl with tons of potential. She is taking a difficult science class this year. Since she is too lazy to work at or study for this class (anatomy), she came home yesterday and announced she will be dropping the class to take...Women's Studies. Oh, really?!?

I completely agree with AlwaysAnxious. That's the only way I have managed to stay this long. I do exactly what her list says. It's not in my blood, but it's the only way for me to survive my SD.