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Now what...did I screw the pooch?

queen-B's picture

For the most part, I have it easy compared to many on here. My FDH is a good parent, and minimizes the negative impact his previous life has on our current life. Rarely, he'll call me out for not giving his offspring more...let's call it "direction."

So Saturday I ran out of patience with thing 2, who is 14. For the umpteenth time, after being asked to perform a task (feed the puppy) that takes about 5 minutes to do, said task was not completed by the deadline (1.5 hours later). I waited until the task was not completed (as opposed to nagging or yelling) and asked thing 2 if they were okay being seen as a liar and someone who can't keep to their word. Thing 2's reponse (the same one I've hear a bazillioin times over the years)..."I lost track of time.". This is when I inquired if Thing 2 was okay with being the liar in the family, as no one could trust them to keep their word. The answer? A shrug.

FDH says I was " too final" in my response and made things worse. I say Thing 2 needs to decide if being a person of their word is worth anything, or if being see a s a liar and a cheat is okay. I'm just irritated that after pushing me to be more involved, the first time I step up to instill any of my values I'm told I did it the wrong way.

Shit.

Comments

just.his.wife's picture

I don't think you screwed the pooch.

My bio kids stopped using "I lost track of time" when they were about ten. My skids all still use it and they are all teenagers.

An idea for the next time however?

Feed the puppy when you notice it is not done. Wait until dinner: and inform the skid the puppy waited X amount of time past his meal time because the skid did not feed him. The skid's dinner plate is in the fridge: he will wait the same amount of time the dog had to wait to eat.

I guarantee you he wont lose track of time when it comes to his own empty stomach.

Lalena75's picture

I like that idea it's a good one! The other is don't give them a time limit, when they are supposed to do something they do it immediately. Then they can't say they lost track of time. they are old enough to not be so lazy.

queen-B's picture

You may have a point, but the conversation ran like this:

Me: I'm off to run errands. Can you please feed the puppy before I get back so we'll be ready to leave for church on time?
T2: no problem

It's time to leave for church (same time as it is every week), T2 isn't dressed and the puppy isn't fed. To me, T2 gave their word to meet those two requirements and then failed to live up to it. That is either lying up front, or a total lack of interest in keeping their word,

queen-B's picture

You're not wrong. FDH was in class all day, and we were picking him up after church. I'm absolutely willing to consider I over-reacted, but I was raised with fairly high standards for personal responsibility and they do tend to leak out. Not being a parent myself is why I asked for feedback; so thank you for giving me some food for thought.