Maybe I'm just a blathering fool. Doesn't really matter. It's my life and I have to work my way through it. I have made myself clear on important things that have nothing to do with me or my life, but affect me significantly. Bf knows and has made it clear to BM that I will NOT take a role in or be responsible for BH's pickup/drop off events. Bf visited the courthouse on Friday to find out his options as far as divorce and custody, but refuses to take the bull by the horns and follow through. He could have taken advantage of any of these straightforward options as long as 1-2 years ago.

Can't remember the last time I got a full night's sleep, tho I did go back to sleep on Sunday morning until 10am. A first in a long time. Today I'm up as usual by 3-4am. Not that I need to be up this early, just can't stand the silent standoff that bf wages with me. Apparently he believes that taking over several of my own chores without my request and cooking everyone's supper last night relieve him from any acknowledgement of his verbal abusiveness towards me yesterday when I tried to explain my feelings of depression and hopelessness about our relationship.

Dunno if this note will ever reach the bf, but to say the least, I'm steaming today...

Dear BF,

Being disrespected and undermined so regularly in my own life and household has drained me. I seldom have focus to do anything beyond the basics at home, my interests and favorite hobby have long since fallen to the wayside. Presently, I can't even muster the energy to tackle an urgent work assignment.

My grandmother used to say, "My get up and go has got up and went." I feel that way most everyday lately. Did roust myself out for a shopping trip yesterday and took the super long way home through a lot of scenic forest and pasture areas. Made me feel more energized than I have in awhile.