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Would this bother you?

stepmom92's picture

So I had paused Hulu and was about to take a bubble bath. I came back in the living room and saw that my husbands pictures were the screensaver for Amazon echo from his account. They were on random so I didn’t know the pictures were on there. One pops up from July of 2020 and it’s a screenshot pic of his ex wife and his daughter asleep in bed from 6 years ago. The pic from 6 years ago, he screenshot it in 2020. It was mainly on his ex wife because his daughter had his back turned and you could see his ex wife in plan view. We got married may 2019. Should this bother me even though it’s been over a year ago? Because it sure bothers me. I can understand if his daughters face was in plain view, but it was his ex wife’s.

Comments

Floral_SM's picture

Yeah it would bother me. Did you ask him why he screen shot an old photo of his ex asleep from 6 years ago?

stepmom92's picture

He told me he doesn't even remember screenshotting it and that it was probably an accident. He said I could go in and delete it. 

stepmom92's picture

He told me he doesn't even remember screenshotting it and that it was probably an accident. He said I could go in and delete it. 

Dogmom1321's picture

Yes, it would 100% bother me because 1. it's not just his daughter in the pic 2. you were already married. 

I would confront him about it. 

stepmom92's picture

He told me he doesn't even remember screenshotting it and that it was probably an accident. He said I could go in and delete it. 

TheAccidentalSM's picture

I say this with all the kindness in my heart, but I think you should take a huge step away from social media.  It is doing nothing for your anxiety or relationship.  Please look into therapy to try to understand why you let it cause you so much stress.

Roundandround's picture

Looking over your other posts, you seem to lack insight into what is appropriate behaviors from people. Yes it is highly inappropriate to have pics of the ex displayed in the home. Many of the other things you are fretful about are NOT a big deal and seeking validation from a forum is not going to help you with the thousands of times you seem to second guess yourself in a day. I understand that seeking therapy in person may not be an option for you so please, please, please consider finding someone online. Based on your previous posts I know you are not likely to respond to myself or any of the others, but IF your husband supports you seeking in person therapy please seek it. 

stepmom92's picture

He told me he doesn't even remember screenshotting it and that it was probably an accident. He said I could go in and delete it. 

queensway's picture

If he doesn't remember doing this then ask him who he thinks did it. I find the whole thing strange. The pic and his response.

Thumper's picture

It took him how many purposeful moves to pick UP his phone, find the app, CLICK on the app, look for the pic, and screen shot it?

(sorry my brain works like that gang)

 

 

 

Tried out's picture

as a memory? He has no control over that. But was the memory from before you got together?

stepmom92's picture

Yes the memory is before we got together but he took the screenshot a year after we got married. He says he doesn't remember doing it and I'm worrying over nothing 

BethAnne's picture

Delete it. The tell your husband to go through his photos and delete any others of his ex. If it makes you feel better go through them with him. 

Then move on. 

It could have been a mistake, it could have been something more but this in itself isn't something that I would dwell on - on the whole it is probably a random photo from his phone that he never deleted.

IF...there are more red flags that your husband still has feelings or a is having a romantic/sexual relationship with his ex then my response would be different.

Winterglow's picture

That would depend on whether you want to make this a big deal or not. If you're not satisfied with his response and want to take things further, then show him. If you want to let it go, just delete it. 

BethAnne's picture

I imagine he has already seen the picture, it is on his phone and he was probably the one taking it. Not sure why you need to show him it - unless he doesn't belive you that it exists. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It sounds from previous posts like your husband, and you by association, are unusually friendly and close with BM and her husband. There seems to ne a lack of boundaries. Are you ok with any of this? Do you even know how you feel?

I agree that therapy, by yourself, can help you get in touch with your own feelings and then be more assertive about setting your own boundaries. You can poll people all you want, but even if everyone you ask says they would be ok with something, it's you that has to live with it.

You are an individual and you have to be responsible for your own life. Sometimes you will feel the same as everyone else, and sometimes you will have to decide whether to go along with the people you are with, find new people, or even stand alone in your beliefs and feelings. At the beginning and end of every day, like the beginning and end of your life, the one person you are always with is yourself.