Escape ideas?
Looking for some ideas for an escape from the family home when the kids are here. I especially want to avoid the meals. That is when the tension is the worst and I would love to avoid the inane conversations.
Idealy, I would love to have my own apartment that I can escape to, but it really is usually just 4 days a month and it would not go over well with FH.
Or maybe some ideas to make family meals more tolerable?
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Escape
Go for a long walk. Go the Gym. Do you have a job where you can go in and catch up on paperwork odd hours? Does you dentist schedule appointments on Saturdays?
Escape Ideas
I used to enmesh myself in gardening and outside housework.
This - if it ever got too
This - if it ever got too unbearable I would find a house project to do. And it would take hours. And meeting friends for dinner is good. Or just take yourself and a book for dinner. I still do that sometimes.
I might also add.. do you
I might also add.. do you have parents or other relatives nearby that ask you to visit? Maybe your mom and dad need some help if they are getting older. You can take this opportunity while your DH is having quality time with his kids to go take care of some of your own family responsibilities.
Or.. find some volunteer opportunities for those days. Obviously these are most helpful if you know what 4 days a month you are dealing with.
If it's a bit more spur of the moment... the suggestions like a gym.. or a last minute lunch or dinner date with a friend.. work you need to catch up with or that you need to go shopping.
As far as how do you put up with them when you have to be around them? Disengage... which is not just making yourself absent.. but making yourself emotionally absent.. or indifferent. Now, you have said your DH gets upset by you not acting thrilled about his children's mediocre accomplishments when he gushes. I think in this situation you need to be a better actress... I mean, it's literally just 4 days out of 30. Can you manage a bright smile and "oh wow that's great" when he pats them on the back for attending class this week? Yeah.. the accomplishments might be nothing to you.. but sometimes it's ok to blow a bit of smoke up their butts to keep the peace. In the end, that's what you want anyway right? Peace in your home.. a happy relationship. I'm not saying you need to put up with poor treatment by your DH or them... but you can pretend that you agree with his sparkling opinion... in the end, what is it hurting? So.. blow smoke when you can.. and when you can't muster that.. kindly excuse yourself to attend to something pressing.
Thank you! Until recently I
Thank you! Until recently I had my own house to use as a refuge. It is a mental as well as physical adjustment to move into his home full time.
ESMOD- I know what you are recommending is right. I need to suck it up and play the part. It's logical and wise. I'm not sure why I am resisting.
Hey.. I get it... I hear
Hey.. I get it... I hear parents waxing poetical about their children's accomplishments and my eyes want to roll in the back of my head sometime. But if it was a friend or coworker, you would likely be able to work up the ability to nod, smile and let them think their kid invented sliced bread. It rankles because these are adults that are dependent on your household's income (even if you have separate finances.. if your DH didn't have to pay for their stuff.. there would be more available for the household). They swoop in and take his time and attention that you normally get to yourself. They represent a life he had before you and likely resemble in some ways his EX.. all things that could definitely make you somewhat resentful of the fact that they are breathing air in your home.
But, if it's just the 4 days.. I would do whatever it took (alcohol?) to be able to grin and bear it. Shoot, pretend you are fascinated by their lives.. maybe if you fake it till you make it... you will end up with a decent relationship with them someday? May be pipe dreams but who knows.
I was lucky enough to find an
I was lucky enough to find an appropriate level yoga class at an ideal time slot, that aligned with skid visitation, back in the day.
I would also browse books shops, knit at coffee shops, or go on very LONG walks.
I agree with Iamwoman -
I agree with Iamwoman - mentally absent yourself at mealtimes is what I used to do. If there was active hostile action taking place as there sometimes was - such as the SDs talking rapid fire about something in their lives that I had no knowledge of at all - then I would get up and leave the table, with or without my food depending on how far through the meal we were. No way am I going to put up with being openly disrespected.
Online webinars conveniently
Online webinars conveniently scheduled at mealtimes where you go to the library or coffeeshop to watch/listen to (with ear buds of course). You can work on personal development and avoid skid meals! Win win!
Fabulous ideas ladies!! I had
Fabulous ideas ladies!! I had a heart to heart with My dhtb and decided to make Saturday a family day where we spend time together without electronics (and I love the idea of only dinner together). And then Sunday I get the day to take off and go out and he can spend time with his kiddos. Sunday is the more stressful for me because I'm ready to have them go and it involves figuring things out with (aka making things convenient for) their bm. So I will just stay out until they all leave and blissfully get my house back.
I appreciate all of the suggestions and will make a list of things I can do those Sundays!