If we gte SS anything that fits and it goes down with him to his mom's for the weekend we never see them again, instead she sends him back in some ratty hand me downs from the church bin.

So since I'm tired of paying for clothes and shoes all the damn time I've started just washing whatever it is that she sends him back in and having him weart that back.

I know she has clothes at her place for him (since I bought them) so I'm not worried that he has nothing to wear while down there. She's pissed about it and keeps telling us to send clothes but it isn't going to happen.

BM does not send clothes to our house - and the clothes on the kids back are usually 3 sizes to small - shoes are either way to small or way to large -

Our practice now is as soon as they walk in our house they take of their clothes including socks, underwear and shoes and change into clothes we have to provide. They go straight in the drawer until its time to go home!

SS will learn he can dress cool at your house, if he asks to wear something home just tell him no!

When my ss lived with his mom, we used to have clothes for him at our house and send him back in what she sent over for him (even if it was too small). I would always wash whatever she sent over because I knew she sent him to school like that. Now that we have custody everything "gets lost" at her house and she sends things over that are size 3t, my ss is 9, lol. I think its just a way to try to get under our skin. I agree that you should have clothes for your house and if your stepchild asks to wear them home, say no. They pick up on things quickly and will understand why.

"I would be thankful that someone is nice enough to wash his nasty/reaking clothes and return them in the first place"...I think this was the thing that pissed me off the most....ok, so u don't wanna be a Mom...and u just wanna drink all day long...I get it....but why for the life of me, would u not appreciate the person who picks up the slack for u....I guess these BMs just can't fact that someone is being a better Mom to their kids than they are....very pathetic, but what else could it be?

"You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar"

been through this! I wish I had saved some of the nasty clothes BM sent the kids in, but most went in the trash/became rags. Now I know better...I take pictures of the clothes SD9 comes wearing & also keep a journal with this info. Whatever she wears from BM's, I wash & set aside & SD9 wears it back to BM's. Anything that is too awful for SD9 to wear back to BM's gets put in a box & saved. I figure we'll have physical evidence to back up the journal & pictures.

The kids got into this habit in no time & they understood why we did this. (Tons of clothes at BM's from our house, yet she sends them in garbage, meanwhile we're having to buy new clothes every couple of months because we run out. That went on too long! No more!) BM did not like this at all, but too freakin' bad! Here's an idea: WASH CLOTHES MORE OFTEN THAN ONCE A MONTH!!! Considering that she only had the kids every other week, this really shouldn't have ever been an issue. There was one week last fall when SD9 came to our house without bathing for a week, dirty clothes & oh my God -- the underwear!!! They were disgusting & the crotch was stiff as a board. Which indicated to me that she probably had worn those underwear all week, as well. So nasty!

Once the court order was changed to exchanges being Monday's at school that solved the whole missing clothes issue. Prior to that we would write "dad" on our clothes and that worked for a bit but then BM would keep all of our stuff and send it back after the kids didn't fit into it anymore. We also bought "play clothes" for the kids from the goodwill (weren't bad looking things either) BM would keep those too. We often wondered what the heck they were wearing over there.

Skids school requires school uniform so whatever BM puts them in to wear to school on Monday I was and put them back in it the following Monday...yay no more missing clothes for us!

Shoes were a totally diffent issue...I suggested we buying a pair and when skids needed a new pair BM could buy. I didn't care about the cost or brand or anything like that it was for the kids and they would know who bought what...o same for coats. That worked for 2 years or so but for whatever reason BM fealt she was being controlled by our house so she stopped that.

I really don't get bent out of shape about the clothes/shoes/coats anymore...as long as they are used by skids I don't mind. I make sure we have something nice for them to wear for family events and outtings.

We sent him down in new converse and he came back in crocks!

Pretty sure we will never see his new sneakers again

Sometimes our Bm sends them with no underwear at all. Always in nasty tee shirts. I sponsered their Baseball team so my cOmpany logo is on the back of about 5 that we have sent them home in, with underwear on

I took my SS7 to JcPenny and Old Navy for school clothes and marked all of them when I got home. Also we have him every other week so whatever he comes in *including socks, underwear and shoes* he goes back to his BMs house in. It doesn't work the other way around. She makes more money per month than we do and still his clothes are always nasty and stink, they never fit. I bought him a brand new pair of Sketchers because it was our turn to buy new shoes, she said that those shoes wouldn't work for school. Oh well, he knows who takes care of him. She took him to consignment stores and yard sales for "new" school clothes. It doesn't get better, just make sure that the child never goes to the other parents' house in the clothes that you have purchased.