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Children that blatently do not listen or change

namaste123's picture

I was wondering if this behavior was normal on a repetitive basis for 2 years now. SS5 seems to have a big problem listening. It's almost as if he is doing it on purpose.

He also doesn't seem to want to listen when we are trying to talk to him about things when he gets into trouble.

Let me give you an example:

SS5 will be sent to time out for hitting his brother. FH will go into his room after 5 or 10 min to talk to him and "release" him from punishment and this is how every single conversation goes:

FH: "Now 'Sparky", you know why you are in time out, right? We don't hit other people. If you continue to do this you are going to have your privleges taken away for the entire day, so this is your only warning...O.K."

SS5 immediately, without delay as soon as FH ends his sentence: "OHhhhhh look at that paper on the floor Dad!!!!"

FH: "Are you listening to me son? You understand that you do not hit your brother or others, Correct?"

SS5: "But Dad, ummm, I wanted to tell you.... I wanted to tell you that I can't find my charger to my nintendo."

WTF???????????

Comments

Sia's picture

Maybe leave a computer screen open to that topic....maybe leave some literature lying around about it. If he asks, just say you were really concerned.

namaste123's picture

Plus, he cowers down or gets a shitty sassy look on his face when FH walks in the room to talk to him. Sometimes he will cover his head or hid it. It's almost as if he just doesn't want to have to hear what we are saying and basically doesn't give a crap. We have to make him sit up at listen to us, that's why it's hard for me think it's ADD and really is him just misbehaving

DoingItAgain's picture

I think this is normal behavior, however... unacceptable. IMO, this is just a case of inneffective punishment. Obviously the child was not phased by the timeout and he could care less of what 'might' happen next time... at 5 yrs old, I don't think they easily have a dread of consequences unless he has 'felt' them in the past. And, maybe dad is not very clearly stating what behavior is acceptable or not by his tone of voice or body language... the kid is clearly not scared of any punishment by dad...IMO. And also disrespecting dad when he covers ears or gets a sour face. That sounds like plain defiance to me and dad needs to step up and be firmer as it likely will get worse...IMO

PrincessFiona's picture

I agree with DoingItAgain, sounds like normal behavior for a 5yo boy. some can be very oblivious. My own was this way. I tried all kinds of punishments and nothing seemed to work until the gameboy came along. He loved his gameboy. Taking that away worked. I think you just have to find the thing that means something to them.

I also will not allow timeout to be over until the child repeats back to me what they did wrong and what the consequence will be if it happens again.

If they want to avoid the unpleasant conversation and be defiant then they can continue to be in timeout.

Good luck, boys that age can test you !

Mich811's picture

yeah, i agree that this is normal. both skids (7 & 5) adopt this approach when they are hoping dad will forget the issue. It works!

MsPerception's picture

ss7 exactly same way!! He'd put his head down but it would be because I was there by dad's side to make sure he didn't get away with whatever behavior he exhibited that put him in timeout. And not 5 minutes after leaving the room he'd be thirsty, need to go to the bathroom, or just have to tell daddy soemthing. I told bf many times all he was doing was angling for attention and trying to get out of punishment. Sad thing is he was tested for ADD, given meds that he's supposed to take twice a day. Dad would opnly give him one or sometimes none at all and actually said once "oh he's at so n so's house he won't need them there. Like he was taking a dig at me that he didn't really need to be on them. Unfortunately for bf, BM finally admitted that she couldn't take him and sd8 or the other 2 kids with them altogether anywhere. Hmm wonder why I stopped taking ss7 with me when I would take bd's 15 and 5 and sd8 places??? No way it could be the same thing-common denominator: disney dad. Yeah meds and discipline only work if you are constant with them go figure.

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StepChicka's picture

While it's normal behavior for a child to evade being punished, in your SS5's case he already has been punished. When approached typically a kid will try to blame the other, make some excuse, or deny deny deny...lol Saying something so off the wall like "I'm missing my nentendo charger" when confronted is very typical ADHD or some sensory integration issues.

Since you've previously stated the DH wouldn't go for getting the boy tested there are some changes you can make that might help him listen.

Eye Contact-- When talking to SS5 make sure he's looking at you. If he isn't assume a tuned out. Gently ask him to look at you while talking. You may have to repeat this a few times.

Response--Ask SS5 repeat what you've just told him. Maybe not verbatem but close. And you may have to repeat yourself. Once again, make sure there's eye contact.

Praise or Punishment--if SS5 gets it let him go on about his business but if he lashes out at your attempt then put him back in time out for another 5 minutes. You may need to repeat this too.

Of course these pointers are successful for non-ADHD kids so you can pitch it to your DH as good wholesome disciplinarian tactics Smile

bioandstep2009's picture

My SS10 is like that, not to the same extreme, but he doesn't like being "talked to" seriously (whether good or bad), can't sit still while doing his homework, can't sit still or stop picking at or playing with anything that's within his reach, doesn't like to look at you when being spoken to and doesn't acknowledge that he's being spoken to. Half the time, we have to say, "Hello? I'm talking to you, please acknowledge". It's annoying. He was tested for ADHD and while he was found to not have it, the shrink noted that he did have some attention issues. You talk to him and he hears or rather only actively hones in one a fraction of what you've said, or one particular thing, then it's a question on the one thing, and another and another, and so on. He has the attention span of a flea but no ADHD apparently.

StepChicka's picture

"He has the attention span of a flea but no ADHD apparently"

LOL---I can so relate to that analogy.

stepmom2one's picture

My SD10 does this all the time! She always has, she wants to divert the attention on to something else---thinking we will forget what she did or the punishment.

I am happy to say that I don't deal with this anymore, it is all DHs responsibility.