You are here

mixed feelings.......

patwinmom's picture

Submitted by patwinmom on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 10:42am

I have 2 BDs. My skids live with me. Dh has been suggesting that we try to have a baby of our own, being we don't have any together. My BDs are twins and for 7 years have been my world, center of attention and my life. I feel very pulled on whether or not to have another child. On one hand I would love to have another baby and share that with DH and on the other I feel like in some way I would be betraying my BDs. I have no idea why I feel like this and just want to know if this is normal? I don't want them to feel like I don't want them or love them less.. Their BF had another baby about 2 years ago and they love it but hate going there. Any advice anyone can offer??>..

Comments

misfit's picture

Submitted by misfit on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 10:52am

This certainly sounds like a tough spot to be in for you. What makes you think that you'll be "betraying" your girls if you have another baby with DH? Do you have any reason to believe they will not deal well with a new sibling? They might not like going to their dad's house because it's a new baby that takes a lot of work and attention, but they are old enough to understand those facts and maybe if someone would sit down with them and talk out their feelings, the wouldn't feel so badly about it. Are you afraid that you'll enjoy the new baby so much you'll want to put your daughters on the back burner a bit? (not because you don't love them but because it's a whole new experience- this doesn't mean you're a bad person. I think it's totally normal).

patwinmom's picture

Submitted by patwinmom on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 11:07am

I believe they would like a little brother or sister. I guess I feel that way because it has always been me and my girls. I would never put them on the back burner for something like that. That is one of the reasons why they dont like going to dads and some other reasons. Can;t really explain it lol i don't know maybe i'm just going crazy and my skids have finally made me mental that i'm thinking like this

misfit's picture

Submitted by misfit on Tue, 03/30/2010 - 11:30am

You're not going crazy, patwinmom Smile

Would you consider talking to your girls about the way you feel? They're not old enough to have a huge input but maybe if you knew how they felt from their mouths, it would give you a better idea of what to expect.
Maybe you could say something like, "I love you girls a lot and I cherish our family. It's important for me to know how you would feel about having a baby brother or sister. What are your thoughts on that? Since your father also had baby, how has your experience been with that? I want you to know I care about your thoughts and feelings."
YOu don't have to tell them about what you're planning with DH or how that's going or not going. Just let them know their input is important and because adding another person to the family is a huge change and adjustment for everyone, discussing it as a family would give everyone an opportunity to understand each other's views.

When I said that you might "put your girls on the back burner" I didn't mean that you'd do it with a purpose and literally. I just imagine having a new baby would be very consuming, so with that added stress, your girls might not be 100% the priority that they usually are. But not on purpose, it's just the way of things. It's very considerate of you to be concerned about how they'd react to this. Some parents don't talk to their kids at all and I think this is essential in blending families, where there's already so many "new" details to work out.