Eat all they want??? Ever a limit??
Yesterday was a family supper with CLs family. We went and brought the kids as it was our weekend to have them. It was a buffet type deal. The kids went back in THREE TIMES for more on their plates and then their dad let them each have 3 desserts before finally saying anything!! The reason it bothers me is because both kids are overweight and I'm thinking letting them eat as much as they want all the time is mostly the reason for that! There are no rules or boundaries! Eat until you can't stuff your face anymore seems to be the rule. Then after 3 trips, CL asks "Have you had enough?? Are you full?" Of course they're full!!! They ate too much for a full sized adult!!!!
Then the younger one started picking his nose again. Yup... at the supper table. Rolling a booger ball between his thumb and finger. CL acts like he doesn't know what the kid is doing and ignores it... so I suggested I was ready to go. CL never says anything about it!! Why do I always have to be the one to point out that nosepicking in public is wrong?!?! Why doesn't he do any follow up at least at home then so he doesn't embarrass his precious kids?? They aren't my damn gross kids!! My kids wouldn't be fat and picking their noses!!!!
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In order for DH to speak to
In order for DH to speak to their pediatrician, he'd have to have contact with his ex to find out who their doctor is. He really has no involvement in their day to day life.... I'm not sure he knows who their doctor is. He likes to only be around for taking the boys to do "fun" stuff. Doctors visits are not fun. Therefore he doesn't take part in it. We also live an hour away from the boys full time home. Trust me, if there was a way I could get him to speak to the kids doctor, I'd have gotten him asking about the 10 year old bedwetter.
God, it can be so hard for
God, it can be so hard for bio parents to REALLY see their kids. I have learned this- and it can drive us step-parents CRAZY! I don't know why or what it is that makes them just oblivious to terrible behaviors and habits. When I met my DH kids... the younger one ONLY ate chicken nuggets, Ramin noodles, waffles and candy candy candy. Now... his kids are twigs... and really, eat like birds. But WHAT they eat is friggin terrible! And my DH let this go on and on until I finally began speaking up, which got he and I into fights, I talked a lot about the issue in indiv therapy AND couples therapy- DH finally agreed the eating habits were bad... I explained that though my tactic of talking about it to him wasn't the best, I really do have the best interest of the kids at heart......And honestly, he doesn't LOOK good/healthy. He is getting too old to keep up these terrible eating habits.
DH fought with me for a little while about it, saying things like "well, you wait- if I tell him he has to eat what we're eating there's going to be a big fight with him, and he'll cry. You wait!" And I just kept saying, "It's ok if he cries. You will break the news to him- explain to him WHY he can't keep eating this way, he will cry and it will be over with and he WILL get over it, bc he will not have any other choices. He WILL get hungry enough to try other things as long as you dont' just give in and make him his normally [crappy] meal".
SO... maybe you just need to be willing to take the bull by the horns and anticipate an argument, but do your best to be tactful and sensitive, though I know it isn't easy.
But really.... Enough is enough. the bottom line is.... it ISN'T HEALTHY... and as long as I am part of this family, I can't just sit by and watch this AND be expected to help make him crappy meals. If I am making dinner, I am sorry but I am not making dinner for us and then SOMETHING ELSE that isnt even healthy for him so he can continue his bad habits that his parents have allowed him to have.
Good luck.
This is one of the 9,057
This is one of the 9,057 reasons I will never allow my boyfriend's adult children to live here. That is how they eat. When they were little, their mother gave them food as a way to keep them quiet or out of her way. My boyfriend's mother gave them food bc she felt sorry for them....
It is disgusting, and we would be broke from feeding them, since they won't work. Then they don't clean the messes up, if they cook.
Your CL is making a huge mistake. The health of his kids is at risk, and he better stop. I would avoid buffets all together, since that can make them more out of control. My boyfriend's kids are 18, 19, 22. The younger one is overweight, but not yet terribly. The oldest is morbidly obese, and the middle one was also very obese, but he actually started walking everywhere and lost it all-he won't work, so he can't have a car, so he has to walk. If he did not walk, he would be back at over 300 pounds.
When your CL ignores the bad behavior like that, he is also making another mistake. He should see some of the adult children described on here, and maybe he would change his ways. My boyfriend's kids are adults with NO social skills, respect, morals or boundaries. That is where your CL's kids are headed, if he does not start setting rules NOW.
I would choose my battles
I would choose my battles here. Picking your nose at the table is an unacceptable gross habit. It needs to stop, and now. Would your stepkid do that at school in front of his peers? I would totally call him out on it in front of everybody if he's older than age 6.
The overeating thing you will NEVER win. DH used to take SD out like every week to her favorite restaurant, which was an all you can eat Chinese buffet. We started dating, I went once and it about turned my stomach. SD (then about age 6/7) would FILL her plate but there would not be a single fruit or vegetable in sight. It was all fried foods, like fried rice, noodles without veggies, deep fried battered chicken, those rolls covered in sugar, you get my drift. I finally institute the rule that SD had to have one damn vegetable on her plate and you'd have thought I told BOTH SD and DH to cut off their right arms. It eventually got to be more than I could take (watching SD eat three plates full of pure sugar/starch/carbs) and I quit going. I never won that battle, and I doubt you will either.