My DS is the sloppy second's to SS. MIL has minimal nice things to say to me about my amazing little boy but could speak for hours and hours about how wonderful SS is. I hate this. DH says it's bc she doesn't know DS1 but the only way she wants to see DS is if I leave him there, she never wants to spend time at our home or all of us at hers. I don't want DS gone without me. Last year we invited MIL and FIL over for Easter and to celebrate SS's birthday (his bday was the following weekend). They said NO. They didn't want to spend the holiday with ALL of us they wanted to come the following weekend to specifically celebrate SS's bday. He will always come first even though MIL told me she still doesn't know if SS is really DH's baby...and she trash talks me to BM.

My MIL treats our daughter like that, SS is her golden boy and one reason for being so our daughter is always second fiddle. We got along decently well before she found out I was pregnant and after that its been hell.

But I have one piece of advice, it doesn't matter. You can't let a woman like that choose whether or not you get the joy of being a parent. I love my daughter more then anything in the world and I know how lucky I am to have her, I've gotten to the point that I just pity MIL, she doesn't get the joy of my daughter and thats a shame. I keep our daughter away from her as much as possiable and DH is ok with that, I just told him that its not healthy for her to be around a woman that will call her other grandchild her favorite right in front of her and to be treated like a second class citizen. DH agreed and now its all calmed down, she dotes on SS and my daughter gets my wonderful family so it evens out.

screw mil, just think about how much attention your baby will get from your family!!

change the fucking traditions to suit you & your family. don't give mil the opportunity to treat bc as sloppy seconds. if you were to have a baby w/dh, you & bc do not have to be the victim, if mil shows no interest in the child from the beginning, write her off.

looking pretty bleak for me to have a baby at this time, but in the past, i have thought long & hard about this topic as my mil treats sd & ss as the reason the world goes 'round and says she hates bm, but you couldn't tell that from the way she basically goes out of her way to kiss her ass....

my MIL use to brings gifts to my ss's on the weekends that they would spend with dh, I told dh to tell her not to bring one more gift to MY HOUSE and not give my sons something! Now I understand it's her money, and mabey she didnt have enough for everbody so I suggested that if she couldnt buy everybody something dont buy anything at all! Or since it's your money buy what you want, but take it to thier mothers house and dont do that crap in front of me and my kids. My dh tried to fix by saying our kids were just babies, and I said even better!

How could she afford to buy expensive videogames for the two ss's but not a box of $2 wipes or $1 teething ring or a pacifier these are thing that are cheap, but needed daily when you have a baby.

And that gift bringin crap stopped! And if she bought something she bought it for everybody!

It can be pretty bad, IMO depending on where the IL's are in their heads...

In my case, MIL loves SD and DS, but because she has it in her mind that I'm the evil step mother, she does extra stuff for SD. DS is almost 2, so he doesn't notice anything...YET...

MIL and BM have no contact at all...BM cut that off when she took DH to court and accused him of raping her...She called MIL crying and apologizing, and since then has never called her again...I guess she's ashamed?? Dunno...but they've got no relationship...

MIL tries to act like SD hung the moon, but DH always keeps her in check as SD has some serious behavioral problems...DH forbids her from rewarding her for her bad behavior, and keeps her at bay a lot of times...

For holidays, she usually buys SD a lot of extra stuff and usually one gift or nothing for DS. It does bother me because I know in the future DS will notice it and I'm not sure how to address it at this point. DH hasn't put his foot down yet regarding it, and I'm not sure he will...It does piss me off...I don't expect her to do anything for DS, but as their grandmother, she should be doing for both of them...IMO...It's not DS's fault that SD doesn't live with us (as it's not SD fault either), but SD is subjected to the dynamic, and that's HER life...always has been. But now that DS is here, MIL is trying to make things equal, and that's totally impossible...

In the future I can see how MIL treats them differently will become an issue...My solution is that I surround DS around people who are CRAZY about him...My family...my friends...MIL is truly a non-issue because DH doesn't just allow her around because she's too messy...

It's a win-win for me considering the dynamic...

I feel what you are saying. but the others are right you can't control other people the only people that really matter are you and your SO. If the other treat you child differently they will grow to realize it and it will only hurt that persons relationship with your child - not your relationship with your child. I know you don't want to have to explain it to them when they get upset but just be honest and then take them out for ice cream or something.

My SO and I are having the same 'talks' and I flat out told him that I would never love HIS kids that way I will love my own but I would try to be fair. Honestly I would probably love his kids more if the BM was a nut job and freaks out all the time.