Public behavior
So we have had many situations like this, but I'm looking for advise on how to explain it to kids. 2 days ago my best friends husband and son were shopping in a jewelry store for Mother's Day. Now understand, SD7 has spent a lot of time with my BF and her family. She has even spent the night at their house. Into the jewelry store walks SD7 and BM's mother. BF's son says "hi SD7". SD7 ignores him and Grandma pulls SD7 behind her, as if to protect her from this 10 yo boy. BF's husband then turns to them and, trying to lighten the situation, says "hey SD7, I know you. Are you buying something for your Mom"? Again, Sd7 ignores him and this time, Grandma grabs Sd7 by the arm and pulls her to the other end of the store. After BF's husband and son get through checking out and head to the front of the store (where SD7 and grandma are now standing) BF's son says to his Dad. "why won't sd7 talk to me? She acts like she doesn't know me and she's afraid of me. What did I do"?
Like I said, this isn't the first time we've dealt with this. One time, my brother and his family ran into SD7 and BM at a Holiday event. My 4 yo niece saw SD7 and she absolutely loves SD7. She started to run toward SD7 because she was so excited to see her. When BM saw them coming toward her, she picked up SD7 and ran away. Literally, she ran away, leaving my 4 yo niece crying because SD7 didn't say "hi" to her.
Now we as adults know this is absolutely ludicrous behavior, but how do you explain it to the kids? And how do you make the kids understand that it's not SD7's fault that her Mom's family is crazy? And do we talk to Sd7 and explain to her that her behavior is not appropriate, even when she's with bM and her family? Help!!!!
- notmyfirstrodeo's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
SD12 won't wave to me if she
SD12 won't wave to me if she is with BM. BD12 and SD12 were both in this cheerleading class 2 years back - they were cheering at some game, so we went, BM also went.
The girls were off getting changed so when they came out i waved at them. SD looked in BMs direction then at her shoes and refused to look back or wave.
SS6 when we are at an event where he shows up with BM will not even come over to DH - he will ignore him and stay with Mami and refuse to even wave or come over. If we bring SS to the event, he then goes to sit with his Mami but comes back when its time to leave.
My bios move back and forth freely between me and DH and XH and his GF. They usually sit with whomever brought them but always go to the other parent to say hello and give a hug and a cuddle.
So... the way I see it - since its just SD and SS then its BMs fault. It only happens when she is in the picture - pathetic.
I now don't wave to SD if BM brings her - if she approaches us i participate, otherwise I try not to put her in the middle. The next day or whenever we are all together I tell her we saw her sing or whatever it was and pat her on the back then - but I am not in competetion with BM - she is in her own little insecure bubble on her own.
This is my story all over the
This is my story all over the place. I just love it when BM shows up at an event that is not an extra-curricular but a summer camp that we pay on our dime, and then makes the girls choose between us. They completely change. And so, we try not to interfere but it is crazy. At cheer camp last year that again we paid for and was on our time, BM shows up and redoes SD7's hair. Always trying to show who the mommy is. PATHETIC. What has worked with the older one? "I know today was awkward, honey and I totally understand. You should not have to choose. I love you." Don't act like it isn't happening. Now, asking questions is better with younger ones and older ones alike because it gets them thinking about how that behavior relates to them and things that they have seen with others. Crazy WILL stick out eventually. You just have to be patient. Now older child looks at me and winks. She totally knows she has to "take care not to make mommy mad." Because that, my friends, is hard on everyone. Although, you cannot control Crazy either. So, always take the high ground, remember you are the model of behavior for all, and then go have a hefty drink afterwards. LOL!
ask her questions Do you
ask her questions
Do you think it is nice when you say hi to someone and they ignore you?
Do you think that when someone says hi you should say hi back?
kids only learn how to behave when we teach them. If something is done wrong it wont correct it self over night magically. For example. FDH let FSD5 sit on her knees at restaurants well I hate bad table manors so now I am having to correct her by having her sit on her butt, or she gets a booster like a baby. That and we are both pushing please and thank you. Behavior has to be taught, it is a lot of work.
She probably thinks she's not
She probably thinks she's not allowed to talk to you (or people related to you) when her mother or mother's family is around. Loyalty issues are tough at that age.
My mid-teen SS's are like
My mid-teen SS's are like this. They won't even speak to my DH's parents if the BM is within eyesight or earshot. If we are all in the same place, my SS's will barely acknowledge my DH and in fact try to avoid him at all costs.
It's sad, isn't it? I don't care for myself, as that is how they behave towards me all the time. But to see them do that to their own father and grandparents? I don't like to "suppose" that all their bad behaviors are to be blamed on the BM (because they've certainly learned some interesting stuff from DH too, not exactly stellar), but this is classic for our BM. She is an attention whore, and will perceive simple eye contact between SS's and my DH/his family as the ultimate betrayal if she is around. She has to be THE center of their world and nobody else is allowed to even receive a simple "hello".
I guess it's only natural, since according to her every man who looks her way "wants her"; my DH will apparently pine after her for the rest of his natural life; SHE is the only daughter-in-law my DH's parents will ever truly consider "real"; you get the idea.....
Pathetic, even.