Fighting for Sole Custody
So my exh doesn't have a car, or a phone, or help pay for ANYTHING above child support. The only way I have to attempt to communicate is through his lovely new wife, and by lovely I mean crazy. So I think based on his not have means to communicate, or drive his son place or pay for anything I'm going back to court for full custody. He has never been to a school parent teacher meeting, doctor, dentist, won't pay for his half of medical or sports, and his 11 son has to go on xbox live to actually talk to him without asking his stepmom for permission!!! Let's not even mention that they contact ds to mak/change arrangements for visitation. I asked yesterday for them to stop making him the messaganger and I got "Don't text this phone acting like your in charge his father doesn't need to ask your permission to change anything." Wow really hmmmmm classy. Did I mention the only phone I have to use is hers because he doesn't have his own, and the only car they have is hers because his hasn't worked in 2 years.... She likes to say that since she picks him up every time somehow that gives her say... Honey don't be bitter at me that you marry a loser that doesn't even have a car to take care of his own responsibilty with his son!
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Did you read the part about
Did you read the part about his having to logon to xbox just to talk to him?? I'm not taking away his visitation I'm just not leaving the decision open for him.
decision making sorry
decision making sorry
Don't take him to court to
Don't take him to court to try to get full custody. You will likely spend a lot of money and lose.
Document everything. Write it all down in a notebook so that you can present to a judge patterns of behavior and neglect. You want to show the judge how the father makes it difficult to contact him or work with him.
Do not allow deviations from the CO. Since the father will not call you and make the necessary arrangements then you simply hold to the CO. You can explain this to your son.
Take your ex to court to enforce the current CO. Does it state Dad is to pay half medical costs, extracurriculars or anything else? Hold your ex to the CO.
I get your frustration
I get your frustration totally....My XH's wife wanted me to go through her to but I put a stop to that very quickly...Sounds like your in a bad situation...SUCKS!!!! Good luck....
Full custody is usually only
Full custody is usually only when one parent is unable or not prepared to see the child/ren or equipped due to choice of lifestyle to co-parent any longer. EG: Moves more than 25 miles away. Leaves the state. Is in jail for more than xx years. Drops off the grid.
Your ex does parent his son. There is nothing in the CO (I presume) that says he HAS to own a car or a phone. And he DOES pay CS. He has made a rather diffcult 2nd wife choice but you can deal with her like this ....
Please ask *ex* to call me to discuss this matter.... Rinse and repeat as neccessary.
She has no legal right to act on his behalf and neither do you HAVE to change parenting time to accomodate him and his wife. Because he fails to attend events (probably because he has no job ergo no car ergo no way of getting there) doesn't mean he doesn't love his son. And if his time with his son is limited, all the better for you.
If you want issues addressed the easiest way to do it is to text her and say ..."Please ask ex to call me." Email to yourself... email her response to yourself. Then when he calls to discuss text back afterwards " So we agree that Joe will be spending an additional night with you on July 25th. If I do not hear from you in 24 hrs then I will assume this is acceptable to you."
And document out the kazoo. But right now there isn't a papertrail. Time to get that going.
And politely tewll his wife this is between you and Joe's father. What ex and her discuss in the privacy of their own home is none of your business. But you will not be discussing arrangements with her again. If they try to make changes thru 'Joe' then the immediate answer will be 'not happening'.
Those are good ideas thank
Those are good ideas thank you! They married last Oct and shortly after all this started. I have saved all texts as well as the ones with me specifically stating I will not go through her and his father needs to text me. I said it again yesterday her response as always is he doesn't have to and has no desire to speak to me ever again so I communicate with her her nothing. She's even went as far as to try to tell me that from now on she is getting bs at such and such time and I am going to start getting him at such and such time. To that I laughed long and hard and explained that if the current schedule doesn't work for his father he needs to contact me to discuss other possible arrangements. I have asked over and over and over for them to stop sending messages or making arrangements with my DS 11 as he is the child and has no place making arrangements or being in the middle.
What do you guys do to STOP having to go through SM? He has no home, work phone or email and if he does I've not been given it. The one time I tried to speak to him via Xbox live he disconnected when DS said hold on sec mom needs to ask you something. Hurt DS feelings really bad.
LOL…sorry, but this kind of
LOL…sorry, but this kind of sounds like DH and his ex for a short period of time. Except I never got in the middle.
DH hated talking to her so much that he tried making arrangements though his son at about that age too. It, of course, did not work, but DH was at his wits end with his ex. EVERYTIME he talked to her she was bitching about something or another. Or telling him how crappy of a father he was ect.
Does this happen in your case? And, I think you would waste a ton of money to go to court for this. If you did actually win… what would you win?
The post office has not yet
The post office has not yet closed its doors.
Hahahaha that's a good one! The sad thing is honestly I've raised all three of my ds (only youngest is his)on my own. Even when we were married I was the one doing all the parenting..doctor visits, school, homework, sports, everyday parenting, paying all the bills, working full time, taking off when ds was sick. I basically have always been single mother. I don't ask for much from him and am happy if he just spends time with ds on his weekends- which is only playing video games. The thing that makes me mad is that he is allowing his new wife of 8 months to cause undo stress and he has stopped the little bit of responsible actions he did actually take.
He won't even buy ds clothes for his house and he has him every other week in the summer! Really go to wal mart and get a couple cheap outfits or something. I know he is like this so I do and have always made all the decisions knowing ultimatly my ds deserves it. It just irritates me becuase I know how insane and crazy a lot of BM are and wish they could appreciate and be cool when the few little things need to be discussed instead of acting like children.
Let's see... 1st nothing in
Let's see...
1st nothing in divorce/custody papers state he has to have "a separate car and phone". Do you mean that BEFORE he married this woman he didn't have a car or phone? Or just after he married her? Because really, for the first few years of my son's life, my DH and I had ONE car...I paid for the darn car, since he couldn't afford it thanks to CS. So, does that mean that it was not OUR car, but my car thus the ex should have made the courts either make DH get HIS OWN car or taken the custody away? Sorry, it doesn't make sense to me.
2nd about the phone...so, he has no email and no phone, but he did BEFORE he married this person? I don't know your situation, but I am trying to figure out how much you need to talk to him and why her phone is not good enough. I can't see that as long as you have a way for contacting him, that a court can say he needs his OWN phone. If he doesn't want to talk to you, I can't say why. Heck, I am not sure why the smom in this case wants to be the one involved, but really, if you can contact him through her, what's the issue?
3rd you say he pays for NOTHING above CS...well, that's what CS is for...for taking care of the kid. If he is supposed to pay for medical and doesn't, and you have sent him the information via mail, as I assume you do have his address (there should be one in the CS orders), then just report it to the CS office and take him to court for that. But other than that, he is not required to pay for anything else outside of CS...
PS - about all the events, ie. school parent/teacher, dentist, doctor visits, etc...is he required to go to those? I don't know, but as far as I have seen, most men DO NOT attend those when the wife takes the kid. Most men do NOT take off work to attend those. Now, was he required he be there because you were not going to be there? I get that he might not have a job and thus you feel he should be there if he has no job...but somebody is paying you CS, if he's not working and they have one car, someone paying CS probably needs to use the car...Did you make the appointments and just expect him to show up every time because you tell him weeks in advance or what? I don't EVER remember my father attending ANY of my doctor appointments...Does your husband attend ALL of his kid's doctor appointments, etc if he is NOT custodial?
Sorry, but there are two sides to every issue here and the guy pays CS and he does see his son. I am not sure what you want from the guy.
PS - I am assuming that since they should not make arrangements through the child, because he is the child, you also do NOT tell your son that his father doesn't pay for extras, does not pay for sports or medical, right? Just wanting to make sure here that things are equal.
Number one yes he did have a
Number one yes he did have a car prior to marriage and the car isn't the issue it the step mom stating every second that SHE in HER car does the picking up..I didn't make that issue she did
Second yes He did have a cell phone prior to and the phone being her's isn't the issue it's that I cannot actually communicate with HIM regarding our son. I should not have to deal with her drama whenever I need a yes or no response to a simple question. As for the rest yes I do feel fathers should be involved in every aspect and if they choose to only be a child support paying father then don't pull the you have to run everything by me first card. Let me be the responsible mother and you stay in the background until your weekend.
As far as paying for anything extra... REALLY I'm sorry but I read enough on here and have a DH with ss to know that most dads do A LOT extra because they want to for there kids. I don't think buying a couple outfits or other things your child asks for should get a response "no that's what I pay your mom for ask her" that is sad parenting. I don't ask for more child support when he wants extras above and beyond what child support is designed for... I do whatever comes up because I'm his PARENT
Oh and I could care less if
Oh and I could care less if he attends anything personally I hate seeing his face but all those things about rights were thrown in MY face by new wife yesterday..I didn't bring them up.
This started as usual the
This started as usual the only time I try to contact him is regards to Holiday schedules. Yesterday the plan for a month was 5:OO pick up as it was my day anyway and I offered them to split. At noon ds gets texts for wife stating she would get him at 3... so after telling my ds if SHE doesn't pick up at 3 then she won't until today.. I texted as said if plans need to change it needs to go through me and not to make him the messenger....that went on to his father doesn't need to ask me to change anything, and I'm a control freak and a pathetic person....Because I asked as I have many times before to contact me to discuss any changes so we can work it out together. I am willing to work to help all involved but I really don't think that's healthy nor should I have to deal with that. I guess I'm crazy in think that...