So after having met with the SD's counselor, my husband and I are realizing this kiddo has way WAY more issues than we originally thought. He and I are having a real struggle being on the same page. All he is seeing is the suicide threat - and i get that. But me, as the 'outsider', see it and feel it differently.
I did not sign on for a deeply troubled depressed suicidal teenager. I signed on to help a kid who asked to be put in a healthy environment and asked for consequences and boundaries.
I signed on for a kid who hates high school. what 15 year old girl LIKES high school ?!
I'm so frustrated over the whole thing. I have a hard time not seeing what it's taking away from my kids at this point, and the expense, time, commitment, time, time, money and attention.
This is the second child of his that we've had to try and 'save'. It all started after i got pregnant with my first kid. The entire time i've been a mother to my own kids, his have come in and caused havoc and turmoil.
I feel just 'done' with the drama. I'm beginning to not care, and lose respect for the weakness. I cannot help it. I grew up and had REASONS to push through and be strong. I was not given an option to NOT work it out. I didn't have anyone's hand to hold and push me through it. I don't know that i would have accepted the help, either!
Big. Effing. Mess.
I want my simple life with my husband and our children for a little while. No work drama, no moving, no kid drama. Just a year. Selfish? I don't bloody care. It's about time, damnit!!