Good morning. So this may be long, so I'll try to section it out. 

1. Schools out and SD10 is staying down in her same class, she isn't moving up because the teacher thinKS she isn't ready. Now I met her when she was 7 and one of the 1st things I asked her about was her schooling and I gave her a mini test and saw that her foundation was off and so I bought her some books to help her, because she wasn't with us regularly I sent her home with the books, her mom said that that is baby work and gave the books to her other daughter (another man child) so nearly 4 years later and SD10 is failing. DH and I puck her up in her work and teach her as well but when she goes to her mother the mother does nothing. Which brings me to my second thing.

2. Bm called dh and said she wants to send SD10 to a camp for $800 but she would put half, now last year bm wanted her to go a camp and asked dh to pay the full $800 which he did, and when SD10 finished the camp we asked her what she learned her response was "miss say I could run real fast" I asked her what about school work what did you learn "I learned about the planets" I said ok name them, she named only 3 and earth wasn't one of them. So with that dh said nope he isn't paying for any camp if she wants she could pay for it. She didn't so she has the child all over the place (grandparents, aunts, sometime by us) about 10 days ago bm called dh and put SD10 on the phone to ask for money to go out he told her he doesn't have any and to put her mom on the phone, he told bm why u don't just pick up the child in her school work? Her response was "I not picking up anybody in any school work" loud enough for SD10 to hear. DH was livid. He thought that was disrespectful and he doesn't want to hear from bm anymore because she isn't making any sense nor is she trying to help the child. 

3. I disengaged the most I would do is feed sd10. Because when school closed and she was by us, I let her grandma shampoo her hair then I combed it out now sd10 said she never saw her hair like that before (completely combed out) so I gave her a canerow style and she was happy. Her mom came for her then 2 days later dropped her back by us with her hair in 2 messy, tangled ponytails.  I told dh I won't be combing her hair again he told me don't because the mom really not doing anything. 

4. I told dh the reason I believe bm treats sd10 like that is because she looks exactly like him, but her other daughter looks like her. Because I can't see how u could have 2 daughters and treat them so differently. 

Things to keep in mind. Bm doesn't cook (sd10 came to me several times saying her mom didn't cook she was too busy getting ready for work) she doesn't wash (sd10 told me she has no clean underwear on several occasions when I asked her why she wasn't wearing any) she doesn't comb her hair (the evidence is in her messy hair everytime I see sd10) she doesn't do school work with the child. She doesnt buy any school supplies (dh buys everything) she doesnt buy groceries (dh use to give her money but sd10 came to us saying shes hungry many times that we started to buy her groceries) But when it's time for a class party, our an outing with the school or a birthday party she wants DH to foot the bill to make the daughter look nice and dh just doesn't do it. 

I just needed to vent, it may seem like I'm complaining. But I just can't see how a woman can treat her own flesh and blood like that, if I had a daughter I would make sure she is taken care of and I wouldn't wait for dh to buy anything because we both work so somethings I could buy its a partnership but bm just wants DH to foot every bill while she does nothing.