I think we frame our expectations on our own experiences.  You didn't have that from your parents... and in fact may have preferred to be able to have your "adult" life without your parents dropping in on you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with an occasional visit from the parents.. but I think it is also good for kids to not rely on their parents to do that.. this is a time when they should be learning more independence.

I HATED my parents visiting me at college. Loved them. But it made it harder to interact with students, and get coursework done, and and and.... It was great to see them, but also, I was barely trying to make friends, didn't know many people, so when I suddenly had visitors (especially right after school started) it made it that much harder.

I think you're being reasonable.  You'll still see him on holidays, and I'm sure he'll call occasionally.  You also just have to let him fly a bit

Who wants their parents visiting them at college?  I would have absolutely hated that.  

My family is a little weird... My sister was the only one who "went away" to college. I got married out of high school and my brother went local. 

We all went up and spent weekends with my sis. My sister's friends LOVED my parents. It was always a good time.

However, why don't you ask your son if he would like you to come visit during the month of ____? Leave it up to him. He might say YES! or He might say, it's all good, I will be home a few weeks after that anyway, don't worry about planning a trip to college town. 

If the latter is his response, skip the college tour loop and do a trip for just you and DH somewhere fun instead! 

If your SS and DS do have their parents show up on a regular basis they apparently will be in good company.  According to a professor friend of mine, this has become very common and usually comes with requests/demands for "parent-teacher conferences."  She alternates between bemused and irrate depending on how many she has had to deal with recently.  I would have thought that the students would be completely humiliated but she says that they seem to view it as completely normal.  I guess "helicopter parenting" doesn't stop for some people. 

Personally I think your attitude is the reasonable one.  Basically you went to school, fended for yourself and settled in, and then went home for Thanksgiving.  It was your introduction to being an adult.

As a mini vacation for you and DH.  Fall weekend trip.  Football game at college. Eating in a nice restaurant. Nice hotel. Seeing the the college town. 

My mum used to visit me from time to time when I was at university but it was less to see me than to escape from dad and my brother and actually HAVE FUN in the big city! lol She would have me up at dawn to visit the markets, treated me to all my meals, took me to the pictures, and had to be dragged back to my room before she suggested going dancing! When I put her on the train on Sunday afternoon I was exhausted. And being aware how broke I was, she always left me with a huge fruit bowl, a large jar of my favourite coffee and a bottle of Ribena.

We haven't always seen eye to eye (understatement) but those weekends were truly among some of my best "home" memories.

My oldest is only 9, but theres been a progressive downshifting of how much time I feel I need to spend with him. When he was a baby it was hard to be away from him at all. Eventually overnights were okay and then a few days away and so on. I'd imagine that will keep continuing as he gets older so it seems normal to me that you don't feel a need to go visit. 

Bonus - you probably wont be the crazy MIL that competes with his wife

No, you are not cold hearted.  But if it's not too far away and you're up for an adventure, you could spend a night/weekend in a new city and go to a sporting event or local attraction and take DS/SS out for dinner.

It could be fun.

My parents rarely visited me in college, basically only on parents' weekend. I always enjoyed their visits because I wanted to share my experience with them, but I didn't miss them enough to want them there regularly and they were generally pretty hands off and happy to give me my space.

On the other hand I had a roommate whose parents came every weekend during football season (big SEC school, her parents were alumni). Honestly we had just as much fun with them there as we would have without them. Plus, they paid for everything. But these people weren't helicopter parents by any stretch, they didn't insert themselves into their daughter's plans or expect her to drop everything when they were in town. If any of our kids attend my alma mater (dear lord I hope at least one does lol) then I'll model my behavior after them and really the kids being there will just be an excuse to attend football games. 

I wouldn't call it cold hearted.  Every parent and child get to decide what kind of relationship they'll have once the child is an adult and if you and/or your son decide that you don't want to visit him at college that's fine.  It has nothing to do with you as a parent or how much you love your son.

I remember my mother going to visit my sister at college 2 or 3 times every fall.  The rest of our family just laughed - all of us, including my sister, knew she was going for her college football fix and to tailgate with friends.  But to the outside world, she looked like the ultimate helicopter parent, driving several hours to see her adult daughter at school.

Not at all!!

You are giving him the space to spread his wings and enjoy his college experience. He'll be fine and if he does want to see you sooner I'm sure he'll let you know