14 year old boy with bad table manners
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HI the 14 year old step son does not know how to hold a fork and knife .. he eats like a cave man. We only have them every other weeknd . We try and show him everytime hes over how to hold a fork and knife., this should be someting that is taught early in a childs life. he will be 15 in Dec .. The 7 year old also has trouble but hes 7 and trys to do his best . Does anyone else dreed to eat with there step kids due to there horriable table manners ?
I did and I fixed it. Very
I did and I fixed it. Very simple.
We gave him his diner half an hour before us (sandwich and milk), we waited for him to be done, then the rest of the family ate a nice warm meal. He was excluded from the diner table.
He asked why we did that and I told him to his face: You don't have any manners, you chew with your mouth open, you burp, food is everywhere around your plate and on your clothes and everybody is disgusted by you. We told you many times to fix the issue but you don't care so you're not allowed to eat with the rest of the family anymore
Sometimes, they just do what the hell they want to do and it doesn't matter how much you speak, they just don't care.
So, we decided to simply eliminate the problem at the source. No manners, no diner with the rest of the family.
He still behaves like a jerk but at least it doesn't bother anyone anymore.
HI, thank you for that. I
HI, thank you for that. I will have his dad sit with him one and one and talk about there day and help him with no distractions, meaning me and the little one. .Hopefully this helps.
then after hes done eating we will all sit down excluding the 14 year old . hopefully he will get it and start holding his food like he is not a cave man .
Something to think about
It is understandable you would be turned off by SS's lack of table manners. But before you condemn him too much I want to tell you about my experience.
Growing up my siblings and I rarely ate with our parents. They weren't too invested in showing us table manners. So we didn't learn how to use a knife and fork. If we had a piece of meat we picked it up off the the plate with our hands. The meat was always very well done anyway so a regular knife and fork probably wouldn't have worked anyway.
Fast forward to age 16. A vert good looking boy asked me out on a special date with his family. They insisted on steak for everyone. When I was served I couldn't cut the meat. My date had to cut it for me as if I were a small child. I was mortified!
Before you come down on him too hard find out WHY he can't use a knife and fork. You are right - he SHOULD have been taught how to use a fork and knife but maybe it's not his fault. Patiently teaching him table manners might be the best gift you ever give to him.
Didn't the OP state they have
Didn't the OP state they have tried to teach him to no avail? More drastic measures are called for.
" We try and show him every
" We try and show him every time hes over how to hold a fork and knife., this should be something that is taught early in a child's life." no avail? I guess it depends on how many times he visits. What kind of "drastic measures" are you thinking of?
It's just hard to see the need to get worked up because the kid doesn't use a fork and knife right. It would be good to hear from the OP what other problems SS brings with him when he visits. Is he disrespectful? Is he a slob (other than the knife and fork)? Does he lie? Does he steal? Does he try to play SM against DH? Is he abusive?
If the only problem I had with SD was that she couldn't use a knife and fork properly, I'd be jumping for joy.
I think it depends on the
I think it depends on the situation and other issues. As the OP has now pointed out there may be coordination issues, of which a physical therapist could address, and should.
My SDs at 7 and 9 did not know how to use anything but a fork. Not even a spoon. It was sooooo wierd. They would use their fingers all the time rather than utensils. They had never been taught. By the parents. I insisted on a change. It happened but with much resentment and whining. I didn't go to restaurants with them (for a myriad of things, including this), I chaned what we ate, I was the baddie. Everyone was lazy. DH now is on board though. And OSD is pretty good at 14, but still reverts to fingers sometimes.
Trust me, when it causes you
Trust me, when it causes you to start gagging every time you eat with the kid, it is a problem.
This!
This!
Watching an 11/12/13yr old eat with their hands is nasty. Literally made me gag and I couldn't watch it.
Of course"he's just a kid", "I was being me", "you hate my kid", "why can't you ever say anything positive" (perhaps because there is not a singular redeeming quality?!").
It's gross. Children should learn to eat with utensils when they are TODDLERS.
I agree
Too bad so many of them don't have parents who are willing to eat with them and teach them when they are toddlers.
Hi, no not really serious
Hi, no not really serious problems. Messy , doesn’t like to shower or clean him self , you have to ask him multiple times to shower or brush his teeth . He is 14 lol with the table manners he also uses his hands with certain foods and the food falls all around his plate , all over his hands and face , like sunny side eggs for instance . He also holds his cup or glass weird , almost backwards , it’s the strangest thing .
Does he have issues with
Does he have issues with balance, coordination, writing, learning disability - that kind of stuff? Almost sounds like he needs Occupational Therapy.
These are skills that will
These are skills that will hold him back in life. Dinner with the boss or clients, future in-laws come to mind. Interest in girls should spark a desire for change. Any sign of that yet?
That’s exactly what I said ..
That’s exactly what I said ... what happens when you take a girl out .? You can’t eat like that . No interest at the moment in girls . Also these are skills that you need in life in all life situations , you are all right . Dinner with your boss , clients , in laws , friends , just who ever . He is clumsy for sure . I will look up occupational therapy for sure . I was interested in etiquette classes if there even is such a thing anymore ?
Video
Perhaps this short video would help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNE2DhQ1AZ4
Zero tolerance works.
My brother and I were raised with manners. We attended US Embassy events with our parents regularly.
My wife and I raised our son (my former SS-27 who asked me to adopt him when he was 22) with those same manners. For some reason my brother did not do the same with his 3 children. So... when they started spending a lot of time with my parents my dad came down on them hard. It started when my niece would put her feet on the dinner table and both she and my eldest nephew would eat with their hands. Dad would wack their feet or hands with the handle of his table knife then take their food and drink away. Just as he did to his own boys when we brainfarted and put our elbows on the table. They did not eat. My SIL got really pissed but my parents just told she and my brother that if their kids could not eat like humans instead of animals that they would be taught to eat like well mannered little humans or they would not eat in my parent's home.
There were a few family holiday meals that were very tense due to my brother's kid's total lack of manners at the dinner table. But, zero tolerance and a few instances of very cranky hungry kids and one highly irritated SIL worked wonders in injecting table manners into my brother's kids.