Things weren't great even before the kid moved in. 

You are scared in your own home. 

You've tried for two years. 

You know that things won't get better and that the situation will only get worse. How much worse can you stand? I wouldn't stick around to find out. I think it's time, don't you? 

What would I do?  I'd establish separate living arrangements, even if I didn't want to end the relationship with DH - but it sounds like that wasn't great either.  So I don't really see what's keeping you there.  I couldn't cope with SS's behaviour, as you describe it, on a daily basis, it would just be too stressful and obnoxious, what with him wanking in front of you and shitting his pants regularly.  It sounds like the seventh circle of hell, I'd end it, with absolutely no hesitation. 

Especially the ss being physically violent to his wheelchair bound mum and what did his dad do??

he pees because he's too lazy to go to the toilet (aka marks his territory all over the house like a dog or cat), he touched his genitalia in front of you.... how lovely!!

toss this one back!! Surely there are way better men than this

Leave ASAP. This is disgusting.

I couldn't deal. 

I would leave. This kid is not going to launch, and it doesn't sound like there have been improvements in 2 years.  Especially since your relationship with DH wasn't great 2 years ago . . . It's not going to improve, and you're looking at another 6 years, probably more.  Save yourself. 

There is nothing wrong with leaving or asking him to leave with his kid (depending on the house situation). 

This kid is obviously dealing with some major mental health issues and it is ok if you say "No, I don't want to deal with this for the rest of my life. He isn't my child." - No matter what some will say- you did not create this mess and it isn't your job to deal with it.

I also want to say something that my DH told me when we started talking about living together. At that time SS21 (then 15) was diagnosed with ADD, ODD, Bi Polar and Autism (He was misdiagnosed with Bi Polar and ODD- it was just the autism). He told me that if SS was too much for me we would figure it out. He knows that he is active duty and unable to be the primary parent in the home. He has crap schedules in the Navy, gone for long periods of time, even when he is home he works a 24 hr shift at least 2x a week. 

DH was open to SS going to home or facility because he knew that I would be the one to carry the weight. He didn't want SS to be a burden to his mom anymore (SS went to live there when BM2 bailed because of his career and BM1 isn't in the picture at all). 

If your husband would be willing, I would talk to someone in social services- maybe there are respite care options or something more intensive for him than just therapy. This is behavior that is beyond normal therapy. 

But also- it is ok to just leave. There is no fault and you should feel no guilt. 

What are you going to do when SS can physically overcome you? I'd be concerned of sexual assault if he is pleasuring himself in front of you. I'm all for sexual exploration but if he can't keep it in his room and your husband won't address it, I'd be concerned for my safety. 
 

You don't deserve that and you can't do more than biological parents to get him on a better path. You will eventually resent your husband for having to do his heavy lifting. SS will resent you for enforcing boundaries. Your choice is be the bad guy or be the bad guy. Be the bad guy to protect yourself. 

I sure couldn't live with all that. 

I guess the question is what is keeping you with your DH?  If things weren't great to begin with and have gotten steadily worse, then why are you still there?  Your DH has a child with severe issues and that is something he will need to learn to deal with, not making it his partners problem. 

I went back and read your previous blogs. For a while now you've endured your SS being very threatening to you, such as him running at you with clenched fists, and now rubbing himself while looking at you. Your H, and I will not say "DH," as he is not dear at all, fails you and makes excuses for your SS' behaviour. What's going to happen when you're in the hospital after getting raped and beaten by your SS? "Oh, he was just tired." or "He had a rough childhood." I've been a member on here (under another name) for nine years and there was an SM way back that was actually sexually assaulted by her SS and when he fled the house to avoid authorities, the dad chased after his son because he was worried about him. He turned away from his wife and left her to suffer a sexual assault on her own. Is this what you want?

Also, your SS has shit on your couch. Young people with ODD grow up to have their personality disorder named as something else. Your H is failing you and justifies everything your SS does. It's gone on long enough. Your SS won't launch at 18. He's way too disturbed and your H wants him that way so that he can hang onto his baybeeeeeee poopsie doodles forever. Your SS isn't going anywhere. Time for you to save yourself. Protect yourself and get out of there before the sun sets today. Can you find a women's shelter to go to? Do you have a relative or friend that you can escape to while you find your own place? 

This post sort of broke my heart... and I thought I had dealt w a lot - my sd too had a room that reeked w/ pee.  I would think that this would warrent a separation and see what happens.  I know we women take a lot on and try and try but some things are out of our control.  I have personally stayed at a Motel to get away from my house.  

The stress day in and day out isn't worth it.  For me I have gotten to the point of just no longer caring.  I know it sounds awful but I would have thought of myself as a failure if we divorced but now I simply don't care.  

The other poster is right- you didn't create it and you sure aren't going to fix it.. vurtual hugs

Grieve later.

This isn't a good environment for you.  The child isn't yours and isn't your responsibility.  I had way less issues with my YSS when he lived with us and I was planning to leave for the sake of my mental health.  Instead DH fixed the issue.  But I was so close to leaving.  If DH hadn't had my back, I would have been gone.

You should leave.

It's not your job to fix a broken skid. 

Throw this one back, Lady.

yes please ask them to leave ,, you wont regret it!  Ive was in a very similar situtation with SS13 at the time.  He was maliciously slashing my belongings with knives and sharp objects , stealing money ,,,not just a couple of dollars , im talkign about $50 notes at a time, even racking up over $2k on DH's crdit card with online gaming., everything that came out of his mouth was bullshit ,he loved trying to get my son in trouble and loved watching DH and I argue.  He would sit down at the dinner table naked or while everyone was in the pool he will strip off naked gross!!!   DH used to brush everything under the carpet and never deal with him,, he would be extremely offended if i raised any issues about his son.  After a couple of years of this , this kid keyed my car for no reason and DH didnt do a damn thing about it,,if fact , DH asked me where was my evidence his son did that.   They all lived in my house and I told them they had a week to get out and they did,, best thing iver did !! I was worried about one day being stabbed or something by this kid.  I tried to get him to a therapist etc but BM and DH never followed through with anything, im sure hes undioagnosed ODD or something.   it actually took me a while to detox from the skid snooping round all the time and me not having the hide personal things anymore.  PLease get them out of your house 

I would have that kid made a ward of the state and in a residential treatment center pronto.  I would not tolerate his stench or behavior in my home or life.

Having worked in schools and specifically with children with ODD and conduct disorder, I fear for your safety since it sounds like your DH has no control. I would demand that the child be placed in residential treatment, under the condition that if he isn't, you are gone. This isn't only for your safety but primarily for the future of this child. If his behavior isn't harnessed and gotten under control through intensive intervention, he will end up in prison. 

Honestly, I would not have made it as long as you have.

Do you worry that people will think you are a bad person for leaving?  Do you worry your DH will not like you if you leave him due to his out of control son?

Don't.  I mean, if he was as concerned about your feelings as you may be of his.. wouldn't he have DONE something to improve this situation for you?  

I don't know what the endgame is for his son.. incarceration at some point? institutionalization? certainly if his dad doesn't know and his mom has given up.. it can't be your issue to fix.

If your relationship had been on solid ground, I  might have suggested trying to live separately for a while.. but it seems like things weren't great even before... so why put yourself through any more than you have?  You only have one life to live.. don't live it in fear and frustration.