The filth NEVER ends...
Wow, back again to vent. Earlier DH found a ridiculous amount of fruit snack wrappers and granola bar wrappers in the kids shared living room behind the couch and stuffed in cracks. I know it is not our lil one because she doesn't eat those snacks very often at all. DH of course blamed both kids and when I asked my BD11 if shes been doing it she said no, which yes she could be fibbing but when I asked SS11 he flat out said he has been throwing them behind the couch because he is too lazy to throw away. So yes....great he told the truth but WHAT??? I was so pissed. I told him to pick it all up and DH only contribution was to restrict the 2 older ones from snacks in the living room. That was all. Whatever, it's just ridiculous how lazy this kid is. THEN later I looked into his bathroom (grabbing a tissue paper) since it was the closest, normally I steer clear, but it was absolutely FILTHY. SS11 has his own bathroom and the 2 girls, my BD11 and OD4, share 1 bathroom and the 2 oldest are responsible for cleaning their own bathrooms. I often will deep clean the girls bathroom mainly because we also keep my BD11 cat litter box in there so I am constantly cleaning that and just overall deep cleaning it since I give 99.9% of all baths to BD4. I refuse to touch SS11 because of the amount of piss that is everywhere. But he is supposed to clean it. There is piss all over the crevices and floor, the floors are just dirty. Toilet is filthy and the sink is also gross. And it SMELLS not only of piss but how his room smells (awful). I mentioned very calmly to DH tonight about it but I did emphasize how awful it was and asked if he could clean it. He seemed shocked I would ask him to clean it and told me "seems like you regret having a son". Excuse me?! Anyways, he has never cleaned SS bathroom since we moved in this new place in May last year. I refuse to and that pisses him off since I clean the girls bathroom but I think it's fair that he is responsible for SS11 urinated bathroom. This is the same kid that once wiped his own poop on the walls of our last house because there was no toilet paper.... no I'm not cleaning his bathroom. Anyways... I'm livid. I told him he either cleans it himself, makes SS do it, or he hires a cleaner to do it. He obviously won't enforce his sons cleanliness, the kid can't even keep his room clean which smells rancid (prior posts on this) I just have to come to the realization that it will never end... or improve. I just don't understand how DH can be so blind to his sons laziness and this uncleanliness. It's exhausting and doesn't help we have SS full time and all he does is play video games. DH just truly does not care. Thanks for reading.
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I would totally be upset that
I would totally be upset that your SO is not seeing this as something that needs to be fixed.. I do agree with how the snack wrapper was handled... He made his son clean the mess and a new rule about no eating in there.. that's not a bad response.. I don't think anyone needed to be hung by their thumbs over that.. (as I look at the candy wrapper on my desk.. I'm not "that" bad.. but not overly anal about it..lol).
BUT.. the bathroom is an issue... he is his son's parent.. and yes.. young boys can be a bit gross.. and honestly.. at that age.. expecting him to be molly maid and keep his bathroom spotless.. may be a stretch.. an adult likely has to oversee the clean status and give direction to show him how to clean... and where he missed a spot etc.. that is your husband's job.. you you didn't "have a boy".. your husband did.. you are already doing the cleaning and helping behind the other two.. you are just expecting him to do his own share.
if he won't get his son to
if he won't get his son to clean up his son's mess then he cleans it.
I had the same issue and
I had the same issue and raised holy hell over it as it was the most used bathroom in the house. DH took YSS in there and taught him how to clean and amazingly the issue got better. YSS didn't like how through a job he had to do to clean up his mess and that it was his job now so he aimed better. Logical consequences for the win.
Stop SS from coming over
Until his bathroom gets clean. SS can clean it with help from BF
Had same issue with SDs
Had same issue with SDs bathroom in our new home, which was also the guest bathroom.
Before we moved in I had a discussion with DH that they would learn to clean it and maintain it (we were sharing a bath before and SDs wrte really exited to have their own). He was to teach them. At this point is was really starting to disengage so there's no way I could have lead this, plus DH undermined me a LOT.
Anyway, nothing happened. Bathroom became horrifying filthy. Dh cleaned it himself, sometimes. I think he had YSD clean it with him twice and OSD once. Never on their own. And he didn't do it often enough himself. So I hired a cleaner and he paid for it himself. He had no choice because I wasn't living in a filthy house (you can read my past blogs about this and OSDs room).
If your H won't clean it or
If your H won't clean it or make SS clean, he can pay for a professional cleaning service.
You are giving me flashbacks
((((Shudder))))
Love the sarcastic "seems like you regret having a son"
Ye olde "you hate my kid."
"No I regret the stench"
He will be "its not that bad, you're exaggerating, just ignore it."
Suggest bonding time with Daaadddieeeee ie a refresher course on aiming at the toilet. Also find some creative way to transfer SS's stench to H's items/bathroom, etc.
He will never see this as a problem until it becomes HIS problem.
I'm petty. I'd put a key lock
I'm petty. I'd put a key lock on the other bathrooms and make DH use SS's since he doesn't seem to think it needs to be cleaned.
You're doing the right thing
You're doing the right thing by making the SS's filthy bathroom his dad's problem.
Your DuH's response "Seems like you regret having a son." is manipulative twaddle. Stand firm.
Ugh, your husband is being a
Ugh, your husband is being a manipulative jerk!
I do not have a son. We do.
"I do not have a son. We do. One you created with your poor choice of a breeding partner X and the one you raised to be a nasty floor pissing, smearing shit on walls, and stuffing garbage in and behind furniture future failure. So, you... can clean up after the mess you are continuing to create. When he is not a reeking nasty shit smearing, floor pissing, garbage stuffing failed family spawn... then... he will be my son. Until then, he is our son and your mess to clean up."
Or something along these lines.
My thoughts exactly! That
My thoughts exactly! That comment really put me over the edge. DH continues to make it seem like I am the problem. Like I am shaming his kid and "SS is beginning to become self conscious". But not self aware enough to shower it seems! No apparently it should be everyone else's problem to endure. The coddling is getting old and I agree the manipulative statements are BS.