You are here

As I work through the situation w SD I read an interesting article on elder abuse

frustrated78's picture

And, surprise, surprise, she fit right into some of the points.

Like controling and refusing to see or call her father because doing that will make him more compliant to what she wants.  Yep, she is a master at this.  The article went on to say that as we age family becomes more and more important.

Another point she won on was someone who goes and "befriends an elderly man/woman" for free or no charge etc.

   She had an elderly neighbor that lived by her years back.  She always moaned about how much she did for him.  In fact she told H that the elderly guy had told her that if SD's hubby passed he and she would be a good item?!  That's what she said.  If he did say that why didshe still continued whatever it was she was doing.  Then it came out that she was pizzed because he told her his house was going to the Salvation Army when he died.  I though that was strange as no one ever talks about what they are going to do with their house after they pass.

I found out why after the guy passed.  I remember him, old guy named Arthur.  Not threatening or out of line etc.  I could never see a guy like him propasitioning her as she claimed.  Anyway, he left the house to his grandchildren (he outlived his child).  Oh was SD teed off.  How dare he after all she did for him!  He OWED her in her mind.

Then there was the old lady that lived next door to her in Ill. years back when I just met her.  There too she talked about how she helped her out.  I remember when the woman died that she was hurt because the lady had antiques SD had wanted.  The woman had no children and left everything to her church.  Again she felt she was entitled.

I think I am starting to see a pattern here.  Hubby wouldn't notice it.  Men just arent that observant of that kind of behavior.  AS I say, SD doesn't do anything for any one without there being somethig in it for her.

For elder abuse it doesn't have to be someone you are dependent on, but someone you trust.

grannyd's picture

Frustrated, I’m so glad that you managed to have your estate concerns resolved and no longer have that worry hanging over your head! People like your neglectful SD are dangerous in their greed and determination to exploit elderly parents and even neighbours! 

It infuriates me to read about vulnerable seniors being scammed and robbed by whom I consider to be, ‘the lowest of the low’. In these days of internet thieves who prey on susceptible and often too trusting elders, it’s all too easy for the unwary to be cheated out of monies that they can ill afford. Oldsters need their children and younger relatives to advocate for them, rather than skulking around, like vultures, lusting for an inheritance. Your SD disgusts me.

Rags's picture

My MIL is the eldest of three girls.  Her youngest sister was Dx'd with a fairly rare terminal cancer.  That aunt had a completely bizzare adult life. She married her University BF, aborted multiple pregnancies, they had three children, he was kicked out of the USAF for conduct unbecoming. He was a fighter pilot.  He then went to work for a railroad as a locomotive engineer. He did that for a couple of decades.  He had the same run his whole career. On the far end he had a secret marriage and family.  When the aunt found out he was a bigamist she divorced him. They never told anyone including their kids they were divorced until all of their kids were out of HS. He would stay in their family home when he was on that end of his run and they pretended they were their usual happy family.  After the youngest finished HS, "Surprise kids, we have been divorced for 10 years".  Their kids were then introduced to his other wife, their Step Sibs, and their younger half sibs by their adulterous bigamist fornicating locomotive engineer father.

The aunt ended up having to sell the house before forclosure. Once their youngest graduated daddy cut the aunt off.  She ended up with a long-ish term BF for the last decade of so of her life. They met at the Chemo clinic while he was taking his last wife for treatment. Come to find out, he had married and buried three terminal cancer patient women before he hooked up with DW's terminal cancer patient aunt.  She would not marry him but she did burn all of her assets while she was with him.

He was significantly older than the aunt so it did not fit elder abuse but he was a dirtbag of monumental stature.  All of these women were either widowed or divorced and he preyed on their loneliness as they went through their end of life cancer journey.  

When the aunt died they had burned through all of her resources.  He kept her ashes and still dangles them in front of her kids to try to get them to engage with him and give him money.  

When we would visit I caught him a number of times peering into our car windows. He was always disappointed when he figured out they were rentals. Until the last time. We road tripped to SpermLand to visit my ILs in one of our vehicles. That was the trip when we went to collect SS from his last SpermClan visitation just after his 18th B-day.  That weaselly old fucker keyed on our car, on DW's clothes, jewelry, shoes, purses, etc...  Asking how much our car cost, and the cost of anything else he keyed on. I had to take him for a behind the bushes talk to give him the clear message that nothing about us, our lives, or our belongings was any of his business.  He avoided me for the rest of that last visit and left to his hole in the woods leaving the aunt with the family until we left. He then scooted back to get her away from the family.

No one in my IL clan gives him the time of day but it would not surprise me if he has burried a couple of more terminal cancer patient ladies. His MO is to take these ladies on adventures in his RV to isolate them from family.  They live in his RV on some land that he owns on the edge of a Nat'l Forest. Though he does get them to their treatments and Doc appts.  They stay with his victims families when in town for medical care.  Fortunately my IL clan and the aunts kids did not let him in their homes.  That irritated the aunt but.... the general perspective on that was tuff shit.

Feeding people like this including the entitled gimme, gimme, gimme focused Skidult death watch vultures to the pigs on the local swine farm at feeding time is just IMHO.  The earlier the better.

Blush

MorningMia's picture

As Rags's post indicates, these types are, sadly, everywhere. One of my sisters, the one who tried to be mini-wife to our father, is a charmer. She'd meet older people who had antiques she liked and would "borrow" pieces of furniture from them. The older people would die and the antiques would remain in Mini-wife Sis's home. Mini-wife Sis always had a sad story to tell older people to gain their sympathy. She'd come home from our oldest (widowed) aunt's house with "care packages"--boxes of food and other goods.That aunt, along with our mother, each gave Mini-wife Sis $800 several years ago for a mattress for her supposed aching back. The thing is the bed cost $800, not $1600. Finally, our cousins told Mini-wife Sis to get lost. (How embarrassing)
Mini-wife Sis turned on the rest of us siblings after our father died because she didn't feel she got enough money from his estate. She hated our mother and had very little to do with her until our mother became terminally ill.  Our mother once asked Mini-wife Sis what her plans were for retirement. Mini-wife Sis replied, "My inheritance from you."
Again, after our mother died, Mini-wife Sis threw a fit because she didn't get more than the rest of us. She has badmouthed us to anyone who has ears (ridiculous). We haven't spoken in nearly a decade. But I did hear from another cousin that Mini-wife Sis scrambled down there after our uncle died and she had the audacity to ask our cousin if she was in our uncle's will!
It's so relieving to wipe these people out of our lives. They are vultures. Greedy, self-absorbed vultures with no moral compass. And they LOVE older people, especially older people who are alone, who have money, and who are desperate for company. Another word for them is evil
You KNOW what SD is about. You know the name for her. 

Harry's picture

SD wants to control your life.  I hope you have it worked out  if you died first  that your money goes where you want it to go.  Giving it to DH to mangerment the money. Means SD will get her hands on it. 

frustrated78's picture

That is true.  There is a carve out for my daughter, since I had the first house, etc. and the furniture and family heirlooms, that she gets what she wants and a percentage of our savings.

As far if he passes first (pray God) his scum bunch gets nadda.

frustrated78's picture

As I see it, neither H or I owe any of them anything.  IMHO they should be thankful we can and are leading our lives without asking them to financially help us or go live with them (gawd, I can't even imagine the h*ll it would be if I ever had to live with SD).

I knew what she was up to with the wills, she wanted H to give her a cut, taking that financial support away from me.  She also wants to make sure she gets more than my daughter and his other children.

As I posted before, when her mother passed 2 years ago, she didn't want to contribute to her burial expenses because "they didn't get along".  But, she would fly down to Florida to see if the Mother had anything of value in her trailer - the ghoul.

Of his 3 children, only the one in California put up money for her burial expenses, and DH did because, being he kind of man he is, he didn't feel his ex should be buried in a paupers grave so they both did cremation expense.  The Calif. Daughter wants to bury her in a plot near her family but that is going to be on her and she has no qualms about that.  She is grateful H felt the way he does about things.

Another case of elder fraud I personally know of now concerns H's POS son.  He lived with his son in the Mother's trailer, supposedly as caretaker but that is a whole different story.  Any way, when she was in the hospital and in the morgue, he was spending up the $10,000 limit on the Mother's credit card!  Tried to tell Discovery that she had ordered all the stuff and he wasn't responsible.  These credit cards have seen it all before.  They went after him for the amount or a judgement.  The POS would check into ER/hospital when the case was up for trial.  After the 3rd time of no show, the Judge found against him.

Thankfully, H does not approve of that type of behavior so he won't have anything to do with him any more.  But, sadly, guys like the POS always surface when there is a death they might benefit from.

Rags's picture

My SIL is another one. DW's youngest sib.  She is a thief and a POS. Period. Dot.

When FIL passed his Will left his rifles to the boys.  SIL had "borrowed" them before FIL died and then claimed "Daddy gave them to me." after he died.  Then... when the Will was read "I can't find them!!!"

Cray 2

She has stolen from the whole family. Except us. She knows better.

She owes their aunt $Tens-of-thousands.  She has "bought" vehicles from the aunt and never paid.  She "sold" a vehicle for the aunt then gave the aunt only a fraction of the money. The aunt worked for a State agency for 40+  years and has friends in most State agencies.  Thew were the ones who gave the aunt the actual numbers regarding SIL's sale of that vehicle.

DW is the Executrix of the aunt's estate.  DW is fully ready to sue the shit out of her own sister on behalf of the heirs to the estate.  She worked with the aunt to address the thieving bullshit by her sister.  If her equal share is equal or more than what she has stolen, she gets nothing but she also does not get sued or go to jail.  If it is less than what she has stolen, she gets sued and charges will be pressed.

DW does not want to sue and press charges against her sister but will in a heartbeat if it comes to that.

frustrated78's picture

Rags, sounds fair to me.

Seems the family relations that do the least for the parents are the ones that expect the most.

I have a bad apple in my younger brother (who I do not bother with any more).  He went to Viet Nam, came back screwed up.  Ran through all the money he had accumulated with "fair weather friends".  The ones that when the beer and pizza is around free are there but don't know you when it is not.

He hit me up for money but I turned him down, same with others.  So he works around to an Aunt, someone we were close to but yet not that close to celebrate holidays with.  Anyway he gives her a sob story and get her to lend him money when she didn't have much anyway.

What did he do?  Ran out on his wife and kids with a girlfriend to San Francisco and disappeared for a while.  He may be my brother but in my mind he is a POS.

A few years back I was contacted by an attorney that I was a heir to a cousin's estate.  He died intestate.  They sent out letters to all family they could locate.  When I contacted them they asked me about my brother, could I help contact him.  Told them right out I had no idea where he was and we didn't have any contact with each other.  Felt bad for a nano second, but then realized it was their job to locate him, not mine.  Anyway, if he got a letter with lawyer logo it would freak him out as so many people were looking for him.

Rags's picture

Though not a family member and not an inherritance situation, we had the running away and dodging accountability experience with my SS's SpermIdiot.

DW did not file for a CS modification for 9 years. CS was $133/mo for that entire time.  Insignificant for us but a constant source of irritation for the SpermClan. In their pea sized brains that pittance in CS bought us nice homes, nice cars, nice vacations, quality clothing for SS, top schools for him, etc... and caused the three younger Spermidiot spawn to starve.

When the semiconductor sector imploded in the early 00s I got hit in a huge reduction in force in my company and in our city and lost my job.  At that point I advised DW to file for a CS ammendment since I no longer had an income that could be used to reduce the Spermidiot's CS obligation.  Though SParent income is not allowed to be considered for CS calculations in SpermLand courts it can be used to reduce the NCP's income exposed to consideration for setting CS levels.  The reduction in NCP income had an insignificant impact on CS. The max income reduction allowance that the court could award an NCP is $1000/mo wich only reduces the max possible CS by $50/mo.

DW filed for the CS ammendment. The Spermidiot spent a year refusing mailed subpoenas for required information, he even physically ran from a Constable who was attempting to serve him.

After that year of Spermidiot bullshit the DA contacted my DW for anything she knew about him, his employment, his income, etc...  DW went CPA on him, provided the DA with tons of info on the Spermidiot, his employer, that he lived rent free in a SpermGrandParent owned rental property, that they paid his CS for SS and for his three younger also out of wedlock spawn by two more baby mamas, etc, etc, etc....

So, the DA issued a new CS order for $785/mo and invoked direct payroll withholding. Spermidiot came screaming and crying trying to get back to court when he got his first $0.00 pay check.

To this day, and it has been 20 years since then, he or SpermGrandHag cry about getting billed for medical costs they failed to pay half of during the CO years. 

Not our problem but we hare happy to send them bills with updated penalties and interest via our lawyer on the law firm letter head.  His butt puckers up and pulls a vacuum on whatever he is sitting on whenever he gets a delivery confirmation package with copies of invoices, etc, etc, etc...

frustrated78's picture

Amazing how ghoulish these people can be.  As I said, SD was trying to tell us we needed 3 wills, his, mine and one that said who got things if we both died at the same time.!  Only in her mind as we all know where she was going.

What we really needed was personal wills, power of attorney for health matters, and POA for financial matters for each of us.  Notice the latter two never came up in her mind.

Somehow I get the feeling that if she was gettig something from H and he was, oh real sick (God forbid) she would be the first one to say pull the plug.

FWIW, have you ever met someone who just doesn't seem to react to things the way most people do?   They never laugh spontaneously, or kid around.  It is always like everything is calculated, a look how great I am being to you, etc.  If you talk about something she always has to show that she knows more than you do whether she does or not.  You also see it in the eyes, calculating.  That is this SD.

advice.only2's picture

DH’s ex Meth Mouth is one of these people.  She works doing in home health services for elderly, but she pretty much does it to steal from them and take any drugs that are worth her while or worth selling.  The worst part of it she puts it our there like she’s this concerned victim who just wants to care for the elderly and people believe her bullshit.  I remember recently she was taking stray injured animals and trying to “nurse” them back to health all on her own then crying and whining to the world at large when these animals died. 

frustrated78's picture

This has nothing to do with SD BUT has to do with elder abuse and nursing homes and I wanted to let others know.

During 2021 I had a knee replacement and was sent to a nursing home for recovery and therapy.  This was was a Christian (Methodist) nursing home and is highly regarded in the area.

My first night there I was still up when the second shift started.  All of a sudden there were about 4 nurses in my room going through my stuff.  When I asked what was going on, I surprised them as they thought I was asleep.  They talked in a huddle and one left with my ice pack (a good one that come with me from hospital), when I asked where she was going with it, the response was that she was taking it to have my name put on it so it wouldn't get lost.

That was the last time I saw it.  It was interesting because they were holding up my clothes and looking at them, not putting them away, but just looking at what I had. The one that had one of my tops, I asked what she was doing with it.  She put it back.   I believe it was lucky I was up because I think more things would have walked out with them.

RE ice pack, H. reported it to the office and I told them about the nurses in my room that night.   They were doing nothing for me but going through my stuff.  She asked me if I knew who they were.  Of course not, the room was dark with just the light from the hallway.  She as going to track it down, but it never showed up.

I post this to warn you that even in nursing homes elderly and sick people are taken advantage of.

Rags's picture

How infuriating. I think I would call a local TV News station and get on their air to bare their idiot asses, then sue the shit out of the facility.

Grrrrrr.

frustrated78's picture

Well, she surfaced again yesterday.  Seems she is having a garage sale this weekend and wanted us to know about it and griping about people who will want her stuff for cheap and they are going to try to rob her blind.  Um, that's a garage sale.

Why, you ask.  Because H mentioned to her way back in June that we wanted to have one to clean out a lot of stuff we don't use/need anymore.  Some of it she wants and expects to be given no matter what it is worth.

Anyway, that was the whole purpose of the call.  she could care less about it.  H had it on speaker phone.  Funny, when she wasn't getting the rise out of us she wanted, she started to ask if we had done anything with the stuff we wanted to get rid of.  DO NOTE...she at no time asked if we wanted to drop anything off etc. just all about her.

Still didn't get a rise out of either of us.  So, not being able to feed her need for vengence, she ended the call but only aftere giving us about 10 min. of bad mouthing her husband.  Didn't get the rise out of H she expected there either.  In the past when she bad mouthed him H would indicate that she always had a place to stay with us.  (Over my dead body).

She is childish in the stuff like this she does.  Thinks it makes her a BIG SHOT when it only shows how small she is.

After H got off the phone (finally) his looked at me and his comment was that she never called and had anything uplifting, funny, etc.  Always bitch, bitch, bitch.  I have to admit that surprised me coming from him.  I hope it stays that way.  He also mumbled something about her being greedy, but I didn't get it all and was probably not meant to. 

You see, she is still pizzed that she gets nothing from us when we die and is trying to hurt where she imagines she can.  What a joke, immature at 58+ years old.